Secrets and Revelations
by simplymondler
Summary: A collection of various oneshots where Monica and Chandler's relationship is discovered. Mondler.
1. TOW the Rude Awakening

Ok, so this is going to be a collection of oneshots where Mondler's secret relationship is discovered. I get a lot of ideas for these in my head but don't usually get to write them. So, I thought it might be nice to capture a few and give them a home together. Each will be different styles, lengths, characters etc and updated as and when a random idea pops into my head.

I hope this works and that you enjoy them!

* * *

 **TOW The Rude Awakening**

A/N – lighthearted fluff. Set season 5 when only Joey knows about them. Mondler Oneshot.

~~oOo~~

Chandler groaned at the sudden alarm, burying his head further into the soft pillow trying to muffle the relentless shrill. The horrible sound continued to pierce his eardrum. Why wasn't Monica shutting it off?

He heard her groan beside him and shuffle but the godforsaken noise continued.

Then he felt her hands prodding and pushing at him none too gently. He grunted in protest.

"Chandler, you need to get up," she whispered urgently.

"Hmmm," he mumbled in response. Not likely.

The poking and shoving got harder, almost as painful as the deafening alarm...which was still ringing. Ow.

"Chandler!"

"5 more minutes," he grumbled, wanting nothing more but to float back into sweet sweet slumber, "And turn that damn alarm off."

"I would, if I could, but I can't," she hissed, scarily sounding like Dr Seuss, "it's not my alarm!" With that she hurriedly left the bed.

His brow furrowed, her words and actions greatly confusing him. Wearily, he peeled back a heavy eye-lid, watching as she ran around desperately throwing on clothes.

"Wh-?" He blinked, suddenly becoming fully aware as he regained consciousness. "Is that the fire alarm?"

"No sh*t Sherlock," she hissed, shoving her feet into her shoes. "You need to get dressed, quickly."

"Dressed into what?" he hissed back, sitting up. "I sneaked over in my new sexy boxers."

Usually, he always wore, at the very least, a t-shirt and regular boxers; he preferred to cover up. Hell, he often wore his robe for the short journey between bedrooms, just in case he was caught mid-act. But not last night. Oh no, last night he'd had the not so great idea to creep over and surprise her with his newly purchased undies. In his excitement he had decided against the rest of the clothing and whilst it had been extremely rewarding last night, he was now regretting it. Big time.

They shared a worried look.

"Well, at least put those on," she whispered.

Panicked, he jumped out of bed, complying when Monica's door flew open.

"Moni-" Rachel froze.

Monica froze.

Chandler froze.

Oh boy.

Rachel closed her eyes, turning her head away, "what the hell is going on?"

"Um," Chandler tried to think of something as he pulled the silky boxers the rest of the way up. Then, as an afterthought he grabbed the bedcover, wrapping it around himself to preserve his modesty.

"Look," Monica sighed, "can we please discuss this later? There might be an actual fire and this is not how I wanna die."

Rachel still looked confused and more than a little uneasy but reluctantly nodded in agreement. Relieved, Chandler took a couple of steps towards the bedroom door.

"Chandler," Monica didn't even look over her shoulder, "if my nice new expensive sheet leaves my bedroom then you _know_ how you're gonna die."

He paused, frowning slightly as he debated his options; alive, embarrassed with a girlfriend or fully covered with his dignity intact but single...hmmm.

It was then that Joey barged in.

"Hey," he greeted, "you guys coming or what?"

"Sure," Rachel agreed.

Just as Chandler placed the sheet back on Monica's bed his bathrobe hit him square on the chest. He looked up questioningly.

"Figured you might need it," Joey smirked, "nice boxers."

"How? When? I mean..."

"When you weren't in your room," he explained, "I figured you'd be over here. Then I saw that your robe was still on your door and thought you might be in a bit of trouble."

"Thanks, man," Chandler had never been more grateful to see anything in his life. He quickly shrugged it on, securing the tatty tie firmly around his waist. Alive, dressed and still very much in a relationship. Thank god for Joey.

"You knew about them?" Rachel asked pissed. "This isn't the first time?"

"Um-" Joey looked wide-eyed.

"Are you in a relationship?" she asked annoyed, turning accusingly to Monica and Chandler. "Are you-?"

"Seriously, people," Monica cut across, her tone almost military. "Fire. Danger. Out. Now."

Reluctantly, Rachel let it drop but she still glared daggers at them as she and Joey finally left the bedroom, leaving them alone.

Chandler walked towards her and leaned in close, whispering in her ear, "is it wrong that voice turned me on?"

Her serious face broke into a grin and she playfully whacked his covered chest, "sush," she admonished, "we're in enough trouble as it is."

Nodding, he grinned cheekily, grabbing her hand, just because he could, and led her out of the apartment. He kept hold of her hand until they emerged outside onto the sidewalk and spotted Rachel and Joey.

"I better go talk to her," Monica sighed, not looking forward to the inevitable conversation. She had planned to tell her roommate one girly night. Romantic comedies in the background, an empty bottle of wine...or two...it would have all gone in her favor. Now she faced an irritable Rachel who had been rudely awoken at 4 am, against her will, and had walked in on them. Not ideal at all.

"Good luck," Chandler winced, rubbing her arm slightly and offering a supportive smile. Rachel was well known for not being a morning person at the best of times.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself, almost protectively, as she approached her friend.

"Hey," Monica offered to which Joey made a swift exit towards Chandler. He didn't want to get caught in the middle of anything.

By mutual agreement the boys kept a safe distance from them, but they stayed close enough to act as referees if needed.

"Hi," Rachel said shortly.

Monica sighed, grimacing.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you," she started, "I planned to, soon."

Rachel just looked at her unconvinced.

"Really," Monica insisted.

"Why does Joey know?" she asked obviously still pissed. "Chandler told Joey but you didn't tell me? Aren't we as close as them?"

"Of course we are," Monica tried to soothe, "Chandler didn't _tell_ Joey. We were careless and he discovered it by himself...just like you did. Please don't take it personally Rach, we didn't tell anyone. We just needed some time to adapt to it ourselves before everyone found out. Don't you remember how much attention you and Ross had to endure when you guys got together? We just wanted to find our feet first, try to lessen the pressure."

Rachel looked at her thoughtfully and Monica tried for her best pleading face.

"So you guys are actually in a relationship?" she asked, still frowning. "This isn't just sex?"

"It's not just sex," she reassured, smiling as she thought about the best relationship she'd ever been in. "Don't get me wrong, the sex is fantastic but it's a lot lot more than that. We aren't just 'goofing around' or anything. This is so much more and I've hated not being able to share this with you. I really have. As much as we wanted to and needed to keep it secret, I hated not being able to share all the good bits."

"Yeh?" She still looked suspicious but seemed to be relenting slightly.

"Yeh," Monica promised, starting to get a little teary and emotional, "the start of any relationship is always exciting and scary and this was even more exciting and crazy because it was with Chandler. I was gutted that I couldn't share it with you. At times I really needed you but couldn't talk to you. It was hard, and whilst I'm not pleased this is how you found out...I am really glad you know now."

"Really?" she was definitely starting to cave.

"Uh huh," Monica promised, wiping away a tear.

"Oh Monica," Rachel pulled her roommate in to a tight hug. "I would have been there."

"I know," Monica promised, pulling away slightly. "Are we ok?"

"Yeah," Rachel offered her a small grin. "I still want lots of details...it sounds like I've got lots to catch up on."

Monica offered her a watery smile, "you have." She was so relieved that Rachel had forgiven them so quickly.

"So who initiated the first kiss?"

"Me," she laughed at the look of surprise on Rachel's face.

"I didn't even know you liked him!" she protested. "Did you have a crush on him?"

"There was always a little something," Monica shrugged slightly, "but no I didn't have a huge pining crush on him or anything. I was depressed, feeling really down and was drunk one night. He was there for me, just comforting me but he was being so sweet and cute that something clicked; I threw myself at him." She blushed a little, realizing she wasn't painting this in the best light.

"I don't remember you being that depressed recently," Rachel's forehead creased as she tried to remember, "When exactly was this?"

Oh...

"London," she admitted with a wince.

"London?" Rachel asked shocked. "Ross' wedding? I was there. Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Technically it was the night before you arrived," Monica pointed out. "It was just meant to be a one night thing and no big deal….besides you had enough on your plate if I remember. Then you went to Greece."

"Urgh, don't remind me," Rachel rolled her eyes before looking back at her friend.

She continued to stare and her gaze was starting to make Monica uncomfortable.

"What?" she finally asked.

"I just…" Rachel shook her head. "I just can't believe you've been together like this since London. It's a lot to take in at this time in the morning."

"I know," Monica smiled, rubbing Rachel's shoulder.

"Just answer me one thing?" she asked, her eyes shooting over to the boys who were still on the sidewalk.

"Of course."

"Are you happy?"

The blinding smile that lit her face was answer enough as Monica's eyes fell on Chandler.

"Very happy," she promised. "I honestly can't remember feeling this way with anyone before."

"It shows," Rachel commented softly.

They hugged again and cautiously the boys approached.

"Everything ok?" Chandler asked, eager to see how Rachel was taking it all.

"You're not completely off the hook, Mister," Rachel mock-glared at him, "but its ok...at the moment. By the morning though, I may have changed my mind."

"Ok," he offered her his best cheeky 'please don't be mad at me' smile which had always worked better on Monica. Still it was worth a shot.

"And you," Rachel turned to Joey whose eyes widened in surprise. "You still have some explaining to do too!"

"Me?" he protested, "they're the ones sleeping together. Why am I in trouble?"

"Secrets, Joey," she warned him, "I don't like secrets if I'm not the one who knows them."

"I wasn't allowed to tell," he whined with a slight pout, "they wouldn't let me! Don't be mad at me."

"I'll think about it," she informed him leaving him with a confused frown.

"So..." Chandler interrupted the staring contest, "if you both know about us then I can do this..."

He slid his arm around Monica's shoulders, pulling her close against him. It was a little cold given the time of the morning and she looked up at him gratefully as she slipped her arms around his waist.

"You guys did that anyway," Rachel grouched.

"True," he shrugged, "but we didn't do this."

He pressed his lips to Monica's in a sweet kiss, smiling down endearingly at her as they separated. She looked so cute all cold and smiley that he kissed her again.

"No, you didn't," Rachel mused watching, trying to get it into her head that they were a couple now. It kinda fit, in a weird way, but her brain was too tired to contemplate it fully.

"They do that a lot," Joey interjected, pulling a face, "you'll have to get used to it. It's not pretty to walk in on."

"It's prettier than what I walked in on earlier," Rachel pointed out as Chandler blushed.

The alarm had stopped and people were slowly being herded back into the apartment building.

"Any idea what is was?" Monica asked.

"Some guy on second fell asleep and burnt dinner."

"Dinner?" Rachel protested sounding pissed again, "who the hell eats dinner at 4am?"

"The guy on second?" Chandler suggested, wishing he hadn't when the full force of her glare landed on him.

Opps.

"So this was a false alarm?" Rachel asked angrily, "Oooh that guy is gonna get it in the morning," she vowed vengeance as they started heading back into the building.

"Think we should put a note through his door to give him a head start?" Chandler whispered to Monica, only half-joking. He really didn't want to spend tomorrow in a police station giving witness statements.

Monica just chuckled though and that beautiful smile had him instantly smiling back, forgetting all about possible assaults on neighbors. He paused on the stairway to press a quick kiss to her lips.

"Urgh, get a room," Rachel protested, giving them a helpful shove to get them moving again. "I have to be up for work in like two and a half hours."

They reached their floor and the four came to stand in-between the apartments. Joey and Rachel started to unlock their respective doors, leaving the couple standing in the middle holding hands.

"Can I come back with you?" Chandler asked, "or are you and Rachel going to talk some more?"

"Talk?" Rachel butted in, "I am sleeping. You can stay over as long as you are quiet and you bring that damn robe. I am not walking in on that again."

With that she walked into apartment 20 and left the door open. A moment later they heard her bedroom door shut firmly.

"She's really not a morning person is she?" Chandler grinned and Monica shook her head grinning back.

"Right, I'm heading to bed," Joey announced, "see you guys in a few hours."

"Night Joe," Chandler smiled, "and thanks again for the robe rescue."

"No worries, man," he promised before disappearing.

"So..." Chandler turned to face his girlfriend who he was now completely alone with.

"So..." Monica continued, smiling up at him. "Back to mine?"

"Yeah," he grinned, his eyes crinkling as he quickly stole a kiss before moving. "At least I can stay a little longer now that Rachel knows."

"Yeah," Monica agreed, locking the door and leading him into her bedroom. "I know it wasn't intended but I'm really pleased she knows."

"Me too," he promised.

In truth, it wouldn't make too much difference to him. Sure he wouldn't have to sneak over in the middle of the night anymore which would be cool. Plus he'd get a bit more of a lie in as Phoebe and Ross weren't ever over too early. He'd have one less person that he'd need to come up with terrible excuses and lies for. But the main reason he was glad that Rachel knew, was that it meant Monica would have someone she could have girly time with. She could confide in her girly best friend about their relationship and although she kept insisting she was ok hiding it from her, he knew deep down she'd hated it.

Sure, he didn't know what the future held. He wasn't sure what mood Rachel would wake up in tomorrow. He wasn't sure if Rachel or Joey would be able to keep their secret a secret. To be honest, he didn't know if it should still even be a secret given that 4 out of the 6 of them now knew. They'd have to tell the others soon and he had no idea how they'd react. Especially, Ross.

For now though, none of it mattered. He slipped off the robe to reveal the sexy underwear again and did a little shimmy. As Monica let out a rich laugh and Rachel threw something at the wall in protest, he knew right then, in that moment nothing mattered apart from her. Making her happy made him happy. Together they were simply amazing. Perfect. As she giggled, pulling him down onto the bed, he knew as long as they had this, then all was right in their world.

* * *

Fin.

A/N- I hope you enjoyed reading this nonsense. Please let me know your thoughts- as always a massive thank you to everyone that reads and reviews my fics. Much appreciated :o)


	2. TOW Drunk Monica

TOW drunk Monica

A/N – this is pure fluff. Set when no one knows about them

* * *

"Hey! It's Chandler!"

Chandler frowned as he closed the door of apartment 20, dropping his briefcase just in time to catch Monica as she enthusiastically threw herself at him. What the heck?

"Hey?" He questioned hesitantly, his eyes flickering to the rest of the gang that were collapsed in the living-room for answers. He needn't had bothered as a second later her breath answered it for him. "Have you been drinking?"

"Nooo!"

He screwed his eyes up at the sudden blast of alcohol that assaulted his nostrils as he tried to discreetly untangle himself from her.

"Really?" He asked not buying it for one second.

He almost managed to free himself before Monica cottoned on to what he was doing and secured her arms firmly around his neck, pressing herself to him. If only they didn't have an audience. But they did. A very curious audience at that.

"I missed you," she pouted and he swallowed, shooting a desperate look to his friends, praying they wouldn't work out their secret before he got her safely to bed.

"Ok, who let her drink whilst she's on tablets?" He asked unimpressed, hoping to pull the attention away from them and onto their friends.

"Who _let_ her?" Rachel asked equally unimpressed, also sounding a little tipsy. "We aren't her parents, Chandler. Lighten up."

"Yeah," Monica slurred, pulling away slightly so he could see her dilated eyes. "Don't be a party pooper."

He raised his eyebrows at the choice of phrase and glanced around to see what 'party' he was pooping on. It looked more like a drunken Friday night gathering of just the six of them. He'd had to stay stupidly late at work, snag why he was severely behind on the drunk front. Although, he was starting to think that was probably a good thing; one of them needed to be sober right now...

"Sorry," he tried to placate her as he tried to escape her not so discreet embrace. He prayed the others would think she was just being touchy-feely in a friendly-drunk way. "But we still need to get you sobered up. Rachel can you grab her some water? Phoebs make some toast?"

"Hmmm, you're sexy when you command people."

Uh huh.

"S-see," he stammered nervously, his voice going somewhat high-pitched, "if she thinks I'm sexy in anyway you know she's had waaaay too much to drink."

The others were looking mightily confused. It might be his imagination but the girls looked more than a tad suspicious; aw crap.

"I always think you're sexy," she smiled in a way that would normally be seductive but right not was anything but.

"Ha," he laughed even more nervous, wetting his lips worriedly. He needed to find a way to shut her up or escape. Quickly. "She must be hallucinating. Let's get her to bed so she can sleep it off."

"Hmmm, bed, sounds good, tiger," she growled, pulling him down before he could process her intentions and started kissing him passionately. Her lips were attacking his, her hands running through his hair and across his back. Her leg hitched up and wrapped around his so she could press herself even closer.

Oh boy.

"Monica?" Ross' voice interrupted them. "What the hell are you doing? Get off Chandler!"

She didn't comply. Much to his pleasure and dismay she continued to ravish him.

"Monica?" Rachel's voice was more stern. "You're kissing Chandler."

"It's alright guys," she pulled away carefree, her arms around his neck, "we've been going out for like months." She snorted as if they were being stupid and rolled her eyes at Chandler. "What's their problem?" She loudly whispered.

" _Secretly_ dating," he grated, knowing they were well and truly busted. Game over. All eyes were on them. "We've been _secretly_ dating for months."

She just furrowed her brow as she looked at him, as if she didn't understand the word; it had vanished from the English language, "what?"

"Our friends didn't know we are in a relationship," it was like talking to a kindergartener.

Suddenly her eyes widened and she brought her finger to his lips, the tip of squidging his nose.

"Shhh!" she admonished before hiccupping. "No one knows about us."

"Rrright," he sighed. She was a cute drunk, but a cute drunk that got them in trouble.

"You're dating?" Joey asked the obvious.

Monica spun around quickly, too quickly. If it hadn't been for Chandler's quick hands she would have decked it.

"Joey!" she said, her eyes wide and shocked. "It's a secret. Shhh! The others might hear you!"

Joey blinked confused looking at the said others for help. They shook their heads just as bemused.

"Um," Chandler started, grimacing, "How about we talk about this in the morning?"

"But you're together?" Phoebe asked confused. "How did I not pick up on this?"

"You two are a couple? Since when?"

"You're with my sister?"

He rolled his eyes, wondering exactly when he'd turned mute.

"Please," he pleaded in one last ditch effort, "can we discuss this tomorrow? When she's sober?"

He didn't want to face them without her. Especially not Ross. No, they were stronger together…usually.

"Chandler?"

He looked down at Monica, instantly noticing the slight green tint her face had taken. Uh oh.

"I feel sick!" she complained although he was already guiding her gently but determinedly to the bathroom.

"Come on," he said softly, consciously ignoring the others, although he could feel their eyes on him.

He patiently helped her in, closing the door and grimacing as he rubbed her back. A glass of water appeared from an outstretched hand and gratefully he accepted it. Once finished he supported her shaky hands with the glass and when she felt ready he helped get her into her room as the others bid her goodnight.

He got her tucked in, stroking her hair until she fell asleep. He continued to watch her for a moment brushing the hair from her eyes. She looked so innocent in her sleep. She was in for a helluva surprise in the morning.

He sighed quietly, debating what to do. It was still early, too early to be in bed but the other side of that door were four very curious friends with lots of questions. It was a no brainer.

Kicking off his shoes and stripping to his boxers he wiggled in beside her. As he lay next to her he welcomed the peace and quiet. Letting the calmness settle through the room and relax him. Work had been manic this week and now tomorrow looked to be just as crazy. Although, with Monica being hungover, hopefully she'd be able to save them from the full onslaught. Still, it was all in the open now and they'd have to deal with it. Together.

Monica made some sort of noise in her sleep, stirring slightly as she muttered and turned towards him. He couldn't help but grin, she really was beautiful.

"Beautiful girls will always get you into trouble," Chandler whispered softly, remembering his mother's words from many years ago. "You know what though Geller, you're worth it."

* * *

A/N - massive thanks to every that has reviwed so far. All are very much appreciated :o) Please let me know what you thought of this one.


	3. TOW Chandler's Greatest Hits

TOW Chandler's Greatest Hits **  
**

A/N - Imagine Joey took a little longer to discover about Monica and Chandler...

* * *

 **Day 1:**

 _"L. Is for the way you look at me! O. Is for the only one I see…"_

Joey frowned, his spoon pausing mid-action as he heard his roommate's happy voice coming from the bathroom. Chandler always sang whilst showering, that wasn't new, but he was surprised by today's choice of song. Sure enough, the other two letters V & E followed and he started singing at the top of his voice about love. Huh. Shrugging, the Italian assumed it must have been on the radio or something and randomly got stuck in the man's head.

 **Day 2:**

Joey stretched and scratched as he exited his bedroom heading towards the bathroom. He made it to the door before he realized it was already occupied. He hoped Chandler wouldn't be too long cause he really needed to pee...

 _"I said I love you, and that's forever, this I promise from the heart, I couldn't love you any better…"_

He frowned a little. Two love songs in two days? He thought about it for a moment then dismissed it. It probably didn't mean anything.

 **Day 3:**

Joey entered the apartment whistling. It had been a good date last night…and even better this morning. With a pleased grin, he threw his keys onto the counter and opened the fridge, hoping Chandler might have gone shopping last night and there'd be something he could snack on…

 _"When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nothin else…"_

Another love song? Maybe he was just trying to expand his repertoire? It was better than the usual Annie soundtrack or that damn B-I-N-G-O song. Dismissing it, he headed over to the girl's apartment, sure that they'd have plenty he could eat.

 **Day 4:**

 _"They all laughed at someone about a steamboat, Hershey and his chocolate bar, Someone named Lizzie, kept the laughters busy…"_

Joey turned up the television trying to block out his roommate as he badly fumbled his way through yet another love song; one which he apparently didn't even know the lyrics to.

 _"They laughed at me wanting you…"_

He tried turning it up louder. It still wasn't loud enough.

 _"Darling, let's take a bow, for ho ho ho…"_

Seriously, what was up with his friend? He hadn't had to listen to so many love songs since Kathy or worse Janice. Was it possible Chandler was dating someone? He pondered the idea as Chandler started the song from the beginning...complete with the spoken introduction.

With a groan he reached for his headphones, already fed up with the shower karaoke.

 **Day 5:**

"Mornin'," Chandler chirped at Joey as he headed for the bathroom.

"Morning," Joey replied with a frown.

The man must be getting laid. He was _way_ too cheerful for this time in the morning.

He waited, listening as the shower started and as expected, moments later another song. At first it was thankfully too quiet for him to make out, but it wasn't long before Chandler was in full-swing.

 _"I love you baby, and if it's quite alright, I need you maybe to warm a lonely night…"_

Joey rolled his eyes as Chandler got to the 'bar-dum, bar-dum' bit. It sounded like the man was putting a lot of enthusiasm into his performance. Joey just hoped he didn't slip, fall and injure himself, because no way in hell did he wanna have to walk in on _that._ They may be best friends but there were limits. _  
_

 **Day 6:**

 _"And you_ _ **can't**_ _tell anybody that this is your song."_

Joey raised his eyebrows, surprised at the change in lyrics. That's so not what Elton John song.

 _"I haven't forgotten they are definitely blueeee…."_

It was unlike Chandler to ab-lib. He must be changing the lyrics to suit the mysterious girl. Interesting.

He waited for the shower, and the singing, to shut off; Chandler soon emerged.

"Hey man," Chandler grinned.

"Hey, so who is she?"

"Who she?" Chandler asked unfazed.

"The girl you're sleeping with?"

He knew he was right as Chandler froze, deer in headlights. The man swallowed heavily and shifted nervously. "W-what?" he finally asked but his voice wavered.

Yep, Joey was onto something.

"This secret girlfriend," he prodded, trying to hide his grin at Chandler's reaction. The man sucked at poker.

"There's no s-secret girlfriend," the man insisted, stuttering. His eyes were still panicked and his nostrils flared slightly.

Joey could smell some serious BS.

"Right, then why are you so happy lately?" he challenged, confident.

"What? It's a crime to be happy?" he lamely joked, trying to deflect the question.

"For other people?" Joey asked, "no. For _you?_ Yes – you're never this happy, unless you're getting laid but with all these love songs it's clearly more than just sex."

"You listen to me in the shower?" Chandler asked looking both confused and very disturbed.

"You don't give me much choice!" Joey protested, "it's like having a Frank Sinatra concert going on in my bathroom and I didn't even buy a ticket."

Chandler huffed a little indignant.

"You aren't gonna tell me who she is are you? This secret blue-eyed girl."

Chandler looked even more nervous. As if the simple fact that Joey knew her eye color meant he'd be able to identify her out of the hundreds of women in New York.

"No," he finally said a little more serious, "I can't tell you who she is."

Joey frowned, not expecting this. It wasn't like Chandler to keep secrets from him; especially not over girls.

"Ok…" he didn't really know how else to respond to that.

At least he had been right though. The new shower soundtrack meant something.

"But," Chandler promised meeting his eyes, "as soon as I'm ready, you'll be the first to know out of everyone, ok?"

He contemplated it for a moment.

"Deal," Joey shrugged finally.

 **Day 7:**

Joey returned from his audition to find the bathroom door firmly closed and Chandler singing away again. Why wasn't the man at work?

 _"And the way you look tonight…"_

He sighed realizing that the badly-sung love songs showed no sign of coming to an end. He was about to shrug off his jacket and make himself comfy in the barcalounger when he froze.

"And that laugh, that wrinkles your nose..."

That wasn't Chandler's voice. That was a woman! It must be Chandler's secret girlfriend! Chandler was sharing the song _and_ the shower! Shocked, Joey rushed over to the door, wanting to hear her voice again.

"Touches my foolish heart…"

He put a hand over his mouth to stop his gasp. Monica. The mysterious woman was Monica? As they obliviously continued their duet the other side of the door, Joey carefully backed away and beat a hasty retreat from the apartment.

* * *

Later that evening the whole gang were at the girls' apartment. Whilst everyone else was seated in the living room, Monica and Chandler were both in the kitchen area flirting. Joey watched their interactions with renewed interest. The secret looks, the little smiles, the small nudges and meaningful touches.

He smiled; now that he knew about them, it was obvious how in love the two were. It was great to see them happy, it really was – both deserved it after the struggles and heartache of previous relationships. He could even somewhat understand them wanting to keep it a secret from the group. Still, he couldn't resist a _little_ teasing.

He grabbed the empty popcorn bowl and headed over to the kitchen cupboard for a refill. As expected, the couple hushed each other and stopped their private conversation immediately. A silence settled over them, filling the small area. With his back to them, Joey started humming loudly the tune for 'the way you look tonight'. Once the bowl was refilled, he glanced back at them, having to hide the wicked smile at their shocked expressions.

Busted.

With a smirk, he continued humming as he retook his seat in the living room, fully aware of their stunned eyes still on him.

Chandler had been right, despite not being the brightest bulb in the box, Joseph Tribbiani was the first one to know out of everyone. And he'd even worked it out himself...

 **The End**

* * *

A/N- A massive thank you for those of you that read and reviewed the previous chapters. Very very much appreciated.

Don't ask me why this popped into my head…it just did. I tried to stick to classic love songs so hopefully most were recognizable. It was fun to write but I got them all well and truly stuck in my head!

Disclaimer: Sadly I didn't write or own any of these songs…although I'm known to often murder them whilst pottering around the house…all are property and copyright to their owners.

In order:

L.O.V.E – Frank Sinatra

Just the Way You Are – Billy Joel

When a Man Loves a Woman – Percy Sledge

They All Laughed - George and Ira Gershwin

Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Frankie Valli

Your Song – Elton John

The Way You Look Tonight - Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields


	4. TOW the Knicks Tickets

TOW the Knicks Tickets

Set when no one knows about them. Complete fluff.

* * *

"I'm glad you suggested this," Monica grinned, drinking in the atmosphere of the large stadium, her eyes sparkling with excitement, "I'm actually really enjoying it."

"And getting into it too," he teased, smiling down at her, "I don't think the ref had heard such 'creative' insults before."

"Then he should have got the call right, there was no way that was a foul!" she protested good-naturedly and Chandler rewarded her by placing a quick kiss on her lips.

They might not have said it yet, but he knew he was completely in love with this woman. Her crazy competitiveness, her passion over the stupidest things, her humor, the way her smile lit up any room, and when it was because of him…oh wow.

"What?" she asked, a little self-conscious and he realized he was still staring at her.

"Nothing," he felt a slight blush color his cheeks at getting caught, "I was just thinking how cute you looked in that Knicks shirt," he grinned, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

He'd fully intended to buy her a shirt today; a brand new one, just for her, in the hope that she'd want to come here again with him. He'd never bought a girlfriend a basketball shirt before, heck _any_ kind of sports shirt and he'd really liked the idea…until she'd had a better one.

That he bought himself a new shirt and she could have his.

It was from a few seasons ago and was well-worn but she'd insisted. Obediently, he'd bought a new one in his size and had gone and changed. Handing his old one over to her, he'd waited impatiently for her to emerge from the bathroom. When she did he hadn't been prepared for how amazing she looked. There was something about seeing her in that old shirt, _his_ old shirt, knowing that she was his girlfriend; knowing everyone that saw them together would know that she was his girlfriend. Something just went through him and a large genuine smile spread across his face. Then, she'd leaned in, her breath hot against his skin as she whispered in his ear that tonight, she was going to wear nothing _but_ that shirt; he'd almost died on the spot.

How the hell did he get so lucky?

"Backatcha" she grinned and he couldn't resist leaning down and kissing her again. It was so addictive.

He realized then he was wrong. He wasn't completely in love with her; he was completely, utterly, head-over-heels, hopelessly in love with the woman next to him. And he was more than ok with that.

"I just thought it would be nice to do something different," he commented, going back to her original statement, "no one knows us here. We get to be a couple surrounded by thousands of people. It's just nice to get to hang out as boyfriend and girlfriend," he admitted, "and to kiss you whenever I want."

He leaned in to test his theory as she chuckled, happily offering her lips.

The buzzer sounded and Chandler glanced up, realizing he wasn't paying much attention to the game. It was the end of the second quarter already.

"Half time," he mentioned, "want a hot dog or anything?"

"Nah, I'm still full from lunch, which was gorgeous by the way. How did you find that place?"

"Before _you_ happened, I had lots of lunch breaks on my own," he shrugged. "I just wanted to get out of the office, away from work people and stretch my legs," he informed her, "I found a few quirky places on my travels."

"Well," she informed him, "I look forward to you introducing me to them."

He flashed her a smile; still chuffed that she wanted to spend any time with him.

She heard some whooping and cheering and looked around, nothing was happening on court, "what's going on?" she asked confused.

"Kiss Cam," he said with a roll of his eyes, gesturing towards the screen. "If it lands on you you're forced to kiss the person next to you in front of the entire crowd. Joey always makes us watch it in the hope it will fall on 2 hot chicks."

She snorted, taking a sip from her jumbo diet coke, "has it?"

"Nope," he mock sighed, "he's still waiting for that magical moment in all its digital glory."

Monica chuckled, placing her drink down and looping an arm through his. It was hard to snuggle with an armrest in the way but she was determined to take advantage of having the chance to be all coupley; of it being just the two of them for a couple of hours. She was loving this date, loving this relationship, loving this man.

She turned her attention to the huge screen, watching as it landed on another unsuspecting couple that shared an awkward kiss.

"First date," Chandler guessed.

She raised an eyebrow.

"It's a game that me, Joey and Ross play to make it more entertaining," he explained, "there's categories – a relation, a stranger, first date, honeymoon stage or married for years."

"Ok," she grinned, "I can get into that."

She awaited eagerly watching as a middle-aged couple appeared on the screen, they looked surprised before smiling and having a gentle peck on the lips.

"Married for years?" she guessed.

"Yep! You're a natural!" he praised.

Another couple came on who were in their late teens who cheered and really went for it.

"Honeymoon stage?" she tried.

"Yep," he agreed, "that, or a really good first date."

She chuckled, meeting his gorgeous blue eyes for a moment before returning her focus to the wide screen. She liked this game. The picture changed and she blinked in surprise.

"That's us!" she said as the people around them started to cheer and encourage them.

"KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS!"

"Then we better give the crowd what they want," he chuckled, meeting her half way for a toe curling kiss. For a moment they forgot about the basketball crowd and just sunk into it.

Eventually the round of applause and hooting penetrated through and they pulled apart a little embarrassed. Opps.

"I'm going for honeymoon stage," she laughed, placing another soft kiss on his soft lips as they disappeared from the screen; it had already chosen it's next targets.

"You've got that right," he agreed with a beaming smile, although as he stared into her beautiful eyes, he secretly hoped that it would be this passionate, this _good_ between them for a long, long time.

* * *

They risked walking hand in hand up the stairs. They knew it was a dangerous tactic but neither cared, not wanting the night to end just yet; they were happy in their little bubble, ignoring reality. Their paced naturally slowed as they inevitably reached their floor and approached their doors.

"So, you enjoyed 'The Garden' being the venue of tonight's date?" he asked. Sadly all evidence of going to the game was already hidden in their bags and pockets.

"I loved it," she promised, knowing she was being unnecessarily chancy as she leant back against the hall wall at the side of her apartment door. She untangled her fingers from his, letting them walk up his arms, across his shoulders and meet behind his neck as she embraced him. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and pull her against him.

He leaned in as if mesmerized, unable to resist as he closed the distance between them. Their lips meeting eagerly, caressing one another as their bodies melted together. Both thriving on the sensations and shivers that ran through them, wishing they didn't have to wait until later.

"Definitely, _hot_ honeymoon stage," he whispered against her lips when they pulled apart. His closed hand came up, his knuckles brushing across her cheek as he took her in. He'd be unable to look at her like this or kiss her until their early morning tryst.

Reluctantly he gave her one last hard kiss before pulling away and taking a step back, running a hand through his hair. It was getting more and more difficult to distance himself from her each time.

"Ok," he sighed, "so, I had to work late and you…"

"Bumped into an old friend…"she continued.

"And then we bumped into each other on the way in," he finished as she nodded. They were getting better at this excuse thing.

With one last meaningful look they pushed open the door to apartment 20 and froze in confusion. Their four friends were all waiting by the door wearing an assortment of frowns…and various Knicks attire.

Uh oh.

"What's, uh, going on guys?" Chandler asked, although his gut had a pretty good idea.

"Two words for ya," Joey said, his large foam finger pointing at them accusingly, "Kiss Cam."

Aw Crap.

* * *

A/N- I hope you enjoyed this and it wasn't too random. I must confess that being in the UK I've only attended football (soccer) games and we definitely don't' have 'kiss cam' at my club, so I hope I pulled this off ok!

Sorry, I'm not posting much at the moment as I'm working on an large angsty project which I'm loving and hopefully you'll enjoy too once it starts getting posted :o)


	5. TOW the Secret Weekend Condoms

TOW the Secret Weekend Condoms

Set season five (no surprise there) when only Joey knows. Humor.

* * *

"I can't believe we're doing this again," Monica grinned happily as she adjusted her shoulder bag.

"I know," Chandler grinned back equally as excited, "A romantic weekend away, just the two of us."

They stopped walking for a moment as Monica came to stand in front of him, pressing herself against him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He happily let go of the suitcase handle to wrap his own arms around her waist, completing their embrace.

"And this time there's going to be no arguments, right?" she teased, looking into those gorgeous blue eyes that she couldn't get enough of lately.

"Right," he smiled, the corners of his eyes creasing, "I'm not even gonna turn on the television all weekend. The only high speed chase I will see, is if one goes flying past the bus on route to our hotel."

Monica chuckled, standing on tiptoe to press a kiss against his willing lips, "and I won't even check to see how clean the glasses are." Chandler pulled back and raised a teasing eyebrow at her. "Really, I won't," she protested.

He just laughed pressing a quick kiss to her pouting lips, which quickly became more passionate before both remembered where they were. With a quick embarrassed look and a final peck of the lips, they stepped out of their hug.

"It's gonna be completely different to last time," he promised, one hand taking the suitcase handle, wheeling it behind him and the other taking her hand, entwining their fingers as they walked along the sidewalk towards the bus station. "Last time was just a practice run, which didn't go particularly well. We're ready this time, it's gonna be perfect, I promise," he grinned, bringing their joined hands up to plant a kiss on the back of hers. "Plus, there's the added bonus of Joey knowing this time around, so there's less lying and covering up to do too."

"Think anyone will discover us after this trip?" she asked, squeezing his hand gently.

"Nope," he said confidently, squeezing her hand back in response, "This time we'll be coming home together and talking to each other; we can work out who gets to say what. We're better at hiding stuff now anyway."

"True," she nodded.

They walked a couple of minutes in content silence, both looking forward to the weekend ahead of them.

"Oh," Chandler paused, forcing Monica to stop mid-step, "we need to pick up supplies," he gestured to the drugstore they were outside.

"Can't we just get them there?" she asked.

"When we get there," he informed her, a small smile touching his lips as his hands started caressing her arms, "I'm gonna wanna lock that hotel door and ravish you all weekend. Not waste time looking for somewhere that sells condoms."

A delicious smile slowly spread across her face, "sounds like you have this weekend all planned out."

"Former boy scout here," he winked, before leaning forwards and capturing her lips again. He could never get enough of kissing this woman and couldn't wait to get her into that hotel room.

"Fine," she chuckled, pushing him away, "go get supplies," she glanced at her watch, "be quick though cause our bus leaves in 10 minutes."

"That's plenty of time," he promised, pressing one last kiss to her lips, "any requests?" he wiggled his eyebrows cheekily.

"Surprise me," she smiled, "now go, hurry!"

"Alright, alright," he chuckled easily, leaving her the suitcase as he jogged up the few steps and into the store.

He couldn't keep the smile off his face as he approached the condom section. When he was younger he used to be embarrassed to buy them but now, nope, not at all. Now, he was in the most fantastic relationship of his life, with the most fantastic woman he knew, and having the most fricking fantastic sex ever. He was proud to be buying these bad boys.

Conscious of the time he only had a quick scan of the selection and choose a box of their regular and one of the slightly fancier ones- it would be nice to have some variety this weekend. This weekend! A weekend of nakedness. His grin got even wider and he couldn't help but whistle as he bounced towards the counter. There were a few people in line before him but he didn't care and didn't stop his happy tune, despite the look shot his way from the woman in front of him. Sorry lady, but this guy was in a damn good mood and he didn't care who knew it.

"Chandler?"

Apart from her. Crap.

"P-Phoebe," he greeted, spinning around to face her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just on my way to see Frank and Alice and the triplets. They asked if I could bring them some emergency diapers," she held up the bulk package, "they had some kind of 'code brown' situation earlier…"

"Nice image," he winced, trying to hide his intended purchases behind his back as the queue moved forward.

"Condoms?" she laughed and he grimaced; damn, too slow. "Joey got you doing his shopping for him now?"

Joey- the perfect scapegoat…

"Um, yes, I uh, said I'd pick some up for him," he tried to shrug casually.

"But I thought you were away this weekend?"

"Oh, I am," he said swallowing. "I'm just on my way to the bus station..."

"So, why are you buying them now?" she asked with a slight frown.

Um…

"B-because I thought I might get lucky this weekend, you never know whose gonna be there...on these...work conferences…"

"Work people?" she suggested somewhat sarcastically.

"Um, right…" he swallowed.

"I thought you hated them all?"

"I do," he muttered, knowing he was desperately losing this game of 20 questions.

"And I thought you said the condoms were for Joey anyhow?"

"They are," he tried to keep the panic from his voice, "I was going to give him my left overs."

He could feel himself starting to sweat, his breathing quickening as he tried to think of a way out of this. Had she seen Monica outside and was toying with him or had she already been in the store?

"Oh, ok," she shrugged easily and Chandler frowned in surprise before letting out a relieved breath. Maybe the Gods were looking down on him after all.

The queue moved slowly forward. He was still desperate to get away from Phoebe. He had to somehow get served, get out of there, and get Monica away, before Phoebe finished purchasing one bag of diapers…hmmm.

"So, is there someone at work you like?" Phoebe asked, curious, "because two boxes is optimistic, especially for you."

"Thanks," he glared at her, "and no, I don't like anyone at work," he frowned slightly realizing the absolute truth in that statement. He definitely wasn't in this job for the people.

"Then do you want me to take the boxes and give them to Joey? I'll be seeing him in a few hours."

"Um, no, that's ok, I'll take them just in case," he shrugged, "the hotel's got a bar so there might be someone drunk enough to wanna sleep with me, right? Besides, the boxes are hardly heavy or will take up much room in my suitcase."

The queue moved forward again as Phoebe stared at him. What?

"Where is your suitcase?"

Damn.

"Oh, um, I'm travelling light."

She frowned at him then shrugged. Cleary not that interested in his odd behavior; he swallowed relieved, wishing the queue would move faster.

The queue finally moved again and now he was next in line. He craned his head to see if Monica would be obvious out of the window but luckily she wasn't. Phew. He watched the lady at the counter being served, as he planned operation 'buy and run'.

"Well," he made a show of looking at his watch, "my bus leaves in a few minutes, so I better buy these and run." It was somewhat of a simple operation.

"Ok, sure," Phoebe shrugged, "well, I hope you have a good time despite the people."

"I'm sure I will," he smiled, thoughts of Monica instantly filling his head. He was gonna be with his favorite person having a very good time.

"And I hope you get to use some of those condoms," she grinned wickedly, "and if you do I wanna hear all the details Mr Boss Man Bing."

"Sure," he lied. He was definitely going to use them and had no intention of sharing any details with Phoebe. "I'll just be my usual charming self and someone will wanna sleep with me. Right?" he teased.

"Eh," she winkled her nose, "maybe don't be completely your usual self."

"Hey!" he protested.

"Hey," he froze at the new voice, turning from Phoebe to see an oblivious Monica, head down looking at a bottle of lotion in her hand. "I'm glad I caught you before you paid because I just remembered this; I need some anyway, plus if we had it for the weekend you could maybe help put some on me."

It was weird. Whilst part of him was still frozen in horror that they had just been exposed, to Phoebe of all people, a certain part of him was suddenly very interested in hearing more about this lotion idea. Thoughts of rubbing it all over her naked body sent shivers through him and he swallowed heavily, closing his eyes.

They both heard a laugh behind them and Monica frowned looking past him for the first time to see their friend standing right there. "Phoebe!" Monica gasped, her eyes shooting to Chandler, taking in his grimace before looking back at her, "Hi."

"You guys are doing it?" she looked kinda pleased for them.

"Yeah," he nodded, frowning as Monica whacked him none too gently.

"We're in a _relationship_ ," she corrected. Opps.

"And you're going away for a dirty weekend?"

"Yeah," he nodded again, frowning again when Monica whacked him even harder. Ouch.

"A _romantic_ weekend," she insisted. Oh right.

"A romantic weekend with lotion and condoms," Phoebe teased.

Chandler thought it safer just to shrug and avoid the risk of being hit again. The counter became free, so he escaped and went to pay for their bits, leaving the girls alone together.

"Look, Phoebe," Monica said, "we really have to go catch our bus but I'll tell you everything when we get back, ok? Promise you won't tell anyone? That you'll keep it a secret?"

"Ok," Phoebe promised brightly, "enjoy the weekend and I won't tell anyone." She made the action of zipping her lips.

Monic smiled and pulled her into a quick hug, "thank you." She turned and saw Chandler tucking his wallet into his back pocket, "right, we better go and get this weekend started." She made eye contact with Chandler and a wide smile appeared on both their faces.

Phoebe noticed this and couldn't help but smile too, "go," she chuckled as she walked over to the counter, "go have lots of sex."

The guy at the counter raised his eyebrows and Monica and Chandler instantly went red.

"Right," Chandler swallowed, more than embarrassed as he grabbed the suitcase handle, "we will…thanks." He glanced at his watch, "crap, we really better run, babe. See ya later, Pheebs."

With a last wave they ran to the bus station and managed to jump onto their bus moments before it departed.

"I can't believe Phoebe knows," Monica groaned, resting her head against his, "these weekends away are cursed."

"Technically she found out _before_ the weekend started," he pointed out, wrapping his arm around her shoulders despite the uncomfortable bus seat. "She won't tell anyone so let's forget about it and start this amazing romantic weekend of ours."

She looked up him and smiled, the smile widened as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and he hugged her tighter to him. She snuggled into his side, closing her eyes, letting his presence and the gentle vibration of the bus relax her fully. Worries about Phoebe slowly evaporated, replaced with thoughts of the man next to her and the exciting weekend ahead of them.

* * *

"We're here," Chandler grinned widely, abandoning the suitcase so he could wrap his arms around her waist.

"We are," she smiled, coyly, swaying slightly in his embrace as she smiled up at him.

"And I haven't turned the tv on," he pointed out, his eyes sparkling.

"You haven't," she agreed, "and I haven't checked those glasses…"

"Yet…" he teased.

"I won't," she promised although Chandler heard the uncertainty in her voice.

"You wanna go check them?" he asked softly, knowing her quirks too well. "It's ok, really."

"No, I promised," she winced slightly and Chandler couldn't resist chuckling, leaning down to claim her lips.

Both sunk into the kiss, reveling in the fact that there'd be no interruptions for once. No nosey friends to hide from. It really was just the two of them for the whole weekend.

When they pulled apart, Chandler looked down at her for a moment and then shook his head, "it's still bothering you isn't it?" he asked referring to the glassware.

"Noooo…"

"How about," he suggested, "I go check them out? That way we can ensure the cleanliness of the room and you have kept your end of the deal."

The blinding smile she gave him was reward enough, although as she pressed her lips passionately to his again promising, "you're in for one heck of a good weekend, mister," he almost went back on his promise to check the glasses in favor of checking out the bed.

"Go check them," she chuckled, pushing his chest gently, "I promised I'd ring Rachel anyhow to let her know I got here safely."

"Here?" he teased.

"Well, no, not _here_ ," she agreed, "the fake culinary fair in Staten Island."

"Two fake culinary fairs in two months," Chandler mused, "you might have to think of a different excuse for our next weekend away."

She smiled just at the thought and pulled him down for another quick kiss.

"Go," she commanded as she walked over to the hotel phone.

He watched her for just a moment longer before following her orders, "yes ma'am."

Chuckling she punched in her phone number, and sat herself on the edge of the bed, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rach," Monica greeted, not having to hide the excitement that snuck into her voice, "I got here ok."

"That's great Mon," her roommate said, "you made good time."

She hadn't thought of that.

"Yeah, yeah I guess I did," she said quickly, pulling at the edge of the bed cover. She frowned, hearing something in the background, "what's that?"

"Oh, you can hear that?"

"Yeah…" her frown deepened until Chandler walked back into the room and it instantly changed to a smile.

He gave her the ok sign, presumably for the glasses and silently settled next to her, waiting for her to tie up the phone call. She changed hands holding the phone between them so he could also hear. He raised a questionable eyebrow at the noise he heard.

"It's loud right?" Rachel continued causing her to focus on her roommate again. "I wish I was away with you this weekend," she muttered quietly.

Chandler looked alarmed and Monica almost chuckled at his look.

"What is it?" she asked again.

"Phoebe writing her new song," Rachel complained, causing Monica to laugh and Chandler to bite his lip.

"Aw, it's a shame I'm missing out," she lied.

"Yeah, right," Rachel scoffed. "She suddenly found some inspiration from god knows where and hasn't stopped writing since she got here. It's called 'Secret Weekend Condoms'."

Chandler and Monica shared a worried look.

"You should hear the first few lines," Rachel continued oblivious, "two friends snuck away, just condoms as their luggage as they went off to play. Secretly doing it all weekend, with their secret weekend condoms, behind the backs of their friends…"

"Sounds like quite a song she's conjured up," Monica said nervously.

"Oh god," Rachel chuckled, "she's now singing about a Harmonica….what she's going to be able to rhyme with that?"

Oh shoot.

"Well, see you when I'm back Rach," Monica hung up quickly and grimaced.

"At least nothing rhymes with Chandler," he tried to joke as she glared at him. "Oh come on, so what if they all fine out. It's only Rachel and Ross now anyway and at least this way he has four people to calm him down before he sees us."

"True," she smiled slightly.

"And, we get a whole weekend to ourselves before they can give us the third degree."

"True again," she smiled slightly more at ease, "think we can extend our stay here?"

"As much as I would love to hide here with you forever, the commute to work would be a bitch."

She chuckled, nodding as he pulled her up against him. She felt him kissing her hair and sighed contentedly.

"Let's not worry about our friends right now," Chandler suggested, a hand gently starting to stroke her stomach, causing little butterflies as 'comfortable' turned to 'interested', "we came here to forget about them for a couple of days and...do naughty stuff to each other."

"Naughty stuff?" she laughed as that hand continued to stroke her, nudging her top up to reach her bare skin underneath.

"Very naughty," he corrected laughing, he turned their bodies slightly so they could share a kiss, and then another. "Remember I have a plan for this weekend and I came prepared." He reached into his back pocket to pull out a couple of condoms, which he placed on the bed with flare.

"Fancy!" Her laughter got cut short by his lips finding hers. She could never get enough of this man's kisses. She felt the hand on her stomach creep upwards under her sweater, reminding her how much she loved his talented hands too.

He was right, screw the others. She had 48 hours in this hotel room with this amazing man. She wasn't going to waste another minute of it thinking about the gang and Phoebe's songs. She gasped as his hand reached its target and he deepened their kiss. Scrap that, she wasn't gonna spend any time thinking whatsoever.

* * *

A/N - hope you enjoyed this silly one. A change from all the angst currently being posted in Broken Vows. Thank you for the reviews and even the ideas for other chapters. All extremely appreciated.


	6. TOW the Kiss

TOW the Kiss

A/N- set season 5 when only Joey knows...

* * *

"Hey children," Chandler greeted the gang, minus Joey, as he entered Central Perk. He opted to perch on an arm of the orange couch…which happened to be closest to Monica. They shared a secret greeting of their own before he turned his attention back to the group, "Did I miss anything?"

"Phoebe's telling us about her new vegan-friendly boots," Ross rolled his eyes clearly unimpressed.

As Phoebe and Ross started to bicker Chandler risked another look at Monica, pleased to find her gaze already upon him. He wondered how much longer they'd have to stay here with the others before they could come up with an excuse to leave and do more enjoyable things. The look in her sparkling blue eyes showed she was thinking similar thoughts. What he wouldn't do to be able to kiss her right now…

"Chandler!"

He quickly pulled his attention away from Monica's lips to focus on Rachel, "yeh?"

"There's a really cute girl checking you out at…wait...3 o'clock."

Brow furrowed he automatically looked along with everyone else. There was no one there.

"You mean 9 o'clock," Ross corrected her, "and she's not cute she's HOT."

Chandler turned his head to look in the correct direction. She was hot, but she wasn't Monica.

"Eh," he shrugged, very aware of his secret girlfriend tensing beside him, "she's alright, not really my type."

"What?" Phoebe asked surprised, "She's gorgeous. Go get her number, otherwise _I_ will."

"I-" he frowned at her for a moment digesting her words, "no, I'm not interested."

"Dude," Ross protested surprised, "a hot girl is actually looking at you. That never happens, go talk to her."

He was wrong. A hot girl was looking at him and it wasn't the blonde at the table. He risked another glance at Monica, biting his lip as he saw the unhappy look on her face. He winced, remembering how he'd felt back at the hospital when Phoebe had the triplets and that damn male nurse had kept flirting with her; it hadn't felt pleasant.

"Look, I appreciate your sudden concern over my love life but just drop it alright, I'm not going over there."

"If you're too shy I could go ask for you?" Phoebe offered and he pulled a face.

"This isn't high school," he protested, "I don't need anyone talking to her on my behalf, or passing her notes asking her to meet me behind the bike shed after class. I just don't want to talk to her, get her number or date her so, let's please move on to another more exciting topic of conversation."

He wished he could pick up where the last conversation had ended but as he hadn't been paying attention that really wasn't an option. He could feel the others looking at him oddly and exchanging glances but he tried to ignore them.

"I'm gonna grab a coffee," he declared, standing up, "anyone want anything?"

He took Rachel's order and practically ran to the counter. He just prayed that by the time he returned they would have found another subject to talk about; one that didn't involve him. As he stood there waiting to be served he felt a presence beside him and turned expecting Monica; his face visibly dropped when he saw it was the blonde. Oh. He looked passed her to see the gang all watching intently. Monica included. Oh no.

"H-Hi," he swallowed, "look, uh-"

"Sandy," she smiled, misinterpreting his pause.

"Sandy," he grimaced, "my friends seem to think that you were looking at me…"

"I was," she stepped closer and his eyes widened a fraction in fear. "You're really cute and now up close, you're even cuter, your eyes are stunning."

The said eyes darted over to the woman on the couch, praying she would rescue him somehow.

"Look, I've got a girlfriend," he tried to explain quietly, hoping the others wouldn't overhear, "so, I can't-"

"You aren't married then," she said taking his hand playfully and examining his empty ring finger. Uncomfortable, he snatched his hand back quickly, not liking her forwardness or her touching him.

"I'm taken," he whispered, "so please can we stop this? Look, see Ross over there on that armchair? He's single. Go chat with him, you'll make his day."

She didn't even look in the direction he gestured, "I don't like his hair- looks greasy. Yours on the other hand-" She made a move as if to touch his hair and he took an involuntary step backwards, finding himself fully wedged up against the counter.

"Look," he swallowed, "Even if I _were_ single I wouldn't want to date you. You're a little too...direct for my tastes, ok? So can you let me just get my coffee?"

"Will you buy me one as a consolation prize?" she pouted, batting her eyelids.

His frown deepened, was she being serious? He'd just rejected her multiple times and she was still here. Still trying to talk to him. What was her problem?

"I don't think that's such a good idea," he said carefully. "See my girlfriend is just over there and she's the jealous type," he left out the fact that Monica would easily be able to take her in a fight; there couldn't _be_ a fight, no matter how much it would help his ego, they had to remain discreet.

God, he wished Joey was here; he'd rescue him and probably take Sandy home himself. Everyone would be a winner. His eyes shot to the front door, willing his roommate to magically appear and become his knight in shining armor…no such luck.

"You want to make her even more jealous?" she whispered and he frowned incredulous, maybe she was wasn't quite all there.

"No," he turned to Gunther, stating his order. Wondering if just ignoring her was the way forward.

It went quiet and he turned back to see if she'd left. She hadn't. She'd even moved closer. He frowned, trying to back away but there was nowhere to run and before he registered what was happening she crashed her lips onto his. Her hands on either side of his face, holding him in place.

He was too shocked for a moment to do anything. Then he suddenly realized and roughly pushed her away. He could hear the laughter and catcalls from his friends but his eyes desperately sought out Monica...who was standing up, grabbing her purse and practically running out of the building.

Oh no no no.

Not even bothering to waste time reprimanding the psycho lady he called after her, "Monica!" as he ran out of the coffee shop. Confused, the rest of the friends shared a look and quickly followed them.

"Monica!" Chandler got to apartment 20 just as the door slammed shut, he tried the handle but it was locked. "Monica?" he called, "please let me in. _She_ kissed me! I tried to get away from her."

Ross, Rachel and Phoebe came to the landing, pausing as they watched Chandler close his eyes as if in pain, leaning his forehead against the girls' door.

"What's going on?" Joey asked emerging from the boys' apartment and frowning at the scene in front of him.

"I'm not sure," Phoebe answered him carefully, "Chandler made out with some woman at the coffeehouse and Monica ran out-"

"I didn't make out with her," Chandler turned to acknowledge his friends annoyed. "I don't know what it looked like but I rejected her, repeatedly I might add, and then she caught me off guard and kissed me. I pushed her away."

"Oh boy," Joey winced as he fully understood the situation. "You're in trouble."

"I didn't do anything!" Chandler protested to his roommate a moment before turning back to the green door, raising his voice slightly, "I didn't do anything!" He was met with silence and frustrated he ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. "Mon, come on," he said slightly calmer, "you know I wouldn't do that to you."

Looks were exchanged behind him.

"They're together?" Ross asked before Rachel shushed him, wanting to hear more.

"I'd never do that," Chandler continued, "I'd never _want_ to do that, why would I when I have you?" he unknowingly answered Ross' question. "You're amazing, perfect, everything I could ever want Monica, you must know that... This is the best relationship that I have ever been in and…" his voice dropped to a softer tone, "I'm crazy about you…I…I think I'm in love with you."

He held his breath, aware of the gasps behind him; he didn't care about their reactions…he just cared about the woman the other side of the door. All was quiet for a moment before he heard the lock unclick and slowly the door opened to reveal her beautiful face.

He met her shimmering eyes and offered her a small smile, he knew for sure, "I love you, Monica," he repeated more confidently.

Her response was a huge beaming smile, tears running down her cheeks. She stepped up to him, her arms looping around his neck as his automatically encircled her waist, holding her tight to him.

"I love you too," she whispered, studying his gorgeous eyes before bringing their lips together.

He closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of her, his arms tightening around her as he tried to communicate all his feelings in that one kiss. He loved her so damn much.

"Guys?"

With a sigh and a great amount of effort, he pulled away from Monica, his eyes sparkling down at her before turning to face the confused gang.

"What the hell is going on?" Rachel gestured to them.

Chandler sighed, he didn't want to do this right now. He glanced at Monica, she seemed as reluctant as he did. A smirk appeared on his face as he got an idea.

"Ask Joey," Chandler said simply, walking Monica backwards a couple of steps into her apartment, his arms still fully around her. "We're busy." With that he kicked the door shut behind him, sparing a hand to pull the chain across.

Safely away from prying eyes, his hand came up to softly caress her cheek, tucking a strand of her silky hair behind her ear as he stared at her.

"I promise you nothing happened," he said softly, earnestly.

"I know," she reassured him, "I knew you wouldn't do that but the others were making all these comments and then they started cheering the kiss and I-"

"It's ok," he whispered, pulling her into a hug, just loving being close to her. He kissed the side of her head, his lips brushing across her ear causing her to shiver. "I love you," he whispered and she closed her eyes, letting the delightful feelings of being loved by this man wash over her.

"I love you too, Chandler," she murmured leaning back enough to see his face.

He captured her lips again. With no nosey friends it deepened quickly becoming passionate as they made their way to her bedroom. Desperate to show each other the love they felt.

Back in the hallway three pairs of questioning eyes turned to a panicked Joey, "um..."

* * *

A/N - hope you enjoyed this one. I have about four scenarios nearly finished for this mini series but this idea came out of nowhere and leapfrogged the rest...let me know what you thought


	7. TOW the Alternative Kips

**TOW the Alternative Kips**

A/N - Ok, so this is a little different from the others in the series...and I've no idea if it actually works. It's an attempt at an alternative version of TOW the Kips (aka TOW Joey finds out) and is set when they are both back from their weekend but before the scene where they make up.

* * *

"You alright, man?" Joey asked as he took in his glum roommate.

Other than discussing Donald Trump's elevator usage, his friend had barely spoken two words to him since he'd been back. He'd just sat in his Barcalounger staring at the television, but Joey would bet a year's worth of pizza that Chandler couldn't tell him anything about what he was supposedly 'watching'.

"I'm fine," came the standard reply.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," the blue eyes rolled back in obvious annoyance, "I had a lousy weekend and I just need to shake it off. Just ignore me."

"Ok, sure," Joey let his concerned gaze rest on the other man for just a moment longer; he knew it had to be something more than arguing with work colleagues. Chandler didn't give a rat's patootie about work people. Plus, there was that whole strange 'woofing' conversation he'd had with Monica out in the hall. They seemed mad at each other and it was unlike those two to fight...certainly not over money. Chandler was always lending him money, so would have no reason to steal it from her…it made no sense. He waited for another beat. "You sure?"

"Yes," he growled, suddenly standing up, "Ya know what? I'm gonna go grab a walk."

"A walk?" he asked surprised.

"Yep, I'll see you later."

With that Chandler marched out, the door closing firmly behind him. Something was definitely bothering him but if he refused to open up there was little Joey could do to help. He was pulled from his musings as the phone rang.

"Hello?" He answered, not recognizing the number or voice on the other end, "Chandler Bing? Yeah, that's my roommate, I'm afraid you've just missed him. Eyelash curler? Are you sure you have the right room? Ok, ok, yeah I'll let him know."

Joey's frown deepened, eyelash curlers? What kind of weekend had Chandler gone on?

* * *

When he'd returned Chandler had denied all knowledge of the eyelash curler and retreated to his room, locking himself away. Joey waited, giving him a few minutes before he approached the door. He was about to knock and ask if he wanted to talk when he heard Chandler's voice the other side of the door; he was clearly on the phone.

"Yes, I'm calling about the eyelash curler left in my room," Joey frowned, "look, I don't know much about them- are they good ones? Ok, yeah, um in that case can I pay to have them posted back to me? Ok, sure, oh can you change the address to apartment 20? Yeah, ok, thanks for your help."

Joey stepped away from the door walking over to the foosball table in case Chandler suddenly appeared. What was going on with him? Why was he paying to get them shipped to the girls' apartment if he didn't know anything about them?

"Hey."

Joey blinked, looking up at his roommate as he emerged from his bedroom, sweatpants evident.

"H-i, what's with the sweats?" he questioned.

Chandler just shrugged, "they're comfortable."

"Right," his frown deepened as Chandler made himself comfortable on the Barcalounger and started flicking through the channels. "Um, I was gonna head across the hall. Wanna come?"

"No, I'm good thanks."

"You're watching Mork and Mindy," Joey pointed out. "Come, see people. Maybe it will take your mind off the weekend from hell."

"Nah, I'll pass."

He didn't even take his eyes off the old 70's sitcom.

"Fine," Joey held up his hands, a little frustrated and extremely confused, "I'll see ya later."

"Later," Chandler still didn't turn his head as his friend left the apartment and slammed the door.

* * *

An hour or so later Joey was in the overstuffed chair in apartment 20; his mind was still on Chandler. He had been hoping that the other man would have got out of this funk he was in and have come over by now. No such luck. The door opened and he looked up expectantly, a little disappointed to see it was Phoebe.

"What's the matter with you? Not pleased to see me?" she teased, having noticed his look.

"I'm just a little worried about Chandler," he admitted to her, as Ross and Rachel curiously looked over to him.

"What's wrong with him?" Ross asked confused

"I'm not sure, he won't tell me," Joey shrugged.

"Give him time to brood," Phoebe reassured him, "he'll talk when he's ready."

"I guess," Joey shrugged, not totally convinced as Monica came out of the bathroom.

"Oooh Monica, how was your weekend?" Phoebe called, "I heard you saw Donald Trump."

Joey blinked, frowning as he looked over to her, watching as she dug into her cosmetics bag.

"Yeah," she didn't seem that excited, "I saw him waiting for an elevator." The cogs in Joey's brain started to slowly turn. "Hey Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler? I seem to have lost mine."

The cogs came to a sudden halt, his eyes as wide as saucers he turned his gaze to Monica. She hadn't noticed his reaction, she continued completely oblivious as she zipped up her washbag and sighed. Stunned, Joey let the pieces fall into place. Chandler and Monica. Two of his best friends had snuck away together for a weekend? But if they'd gone for a dirty weekend why were they both so miserable?

"You ok, Joey?" Rachel asked, forcing him back down to Earth.

"Yeah," he said quickly, shooting another look to Monica. Although she was trying to hide it she looked sad, upset...like Chandler. He needed to know what was going on. "I'm gonna go check on Chandler," he announced standing up.

"Is he ok?" Monica asked quietly, concern clear in her blue eyes.

"Yeah," he lied, "he's fine. I'll see you guys in a bit."

With that he left quickly, standing in the hallway for a moment catching his breath and organizing his thoughts. Chandler and Monica? Since when? And what had happened to ruin the weekend? He took a deep breath and pushed opened the door. Chandler hadn't moved and Joey approached him, standing in front of him to block the tv screen.

"Can I help you?" Chandler raised an eyebrow.

"You went away with Monica?"

Chandler's eyes widened and he hurried out of his chair, "what? Did she tell you that?"

"No, she didn't have to," he folded his arms, watching as his friend started to pace. It was definitely true. "She saw Donald Trump and has lost her eyelash curlers."

"Oh."

"And she looks as miserably as you do," Joey finished, studying him. "What happened? Are you two together?"

Chandler stopped pacing, closing his eyes and ducking his head. He brought his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he let out a heavy sigh. When he finally spoke he was quiet, his voice pained and tight, "we _were_ together. We went away to have some romantic time together and I totally blew it. We had a huge fight and now she wants nothing to do with me. In one crappy weekend I managed to ruin not only the best relationship I'd ever been in but also screw up one of the best friendships I've ever had."

Joey swallowed, taken aback by the rawness coming through in Chandler's voice. He wasn't used to it. "Look, I'm sure if you talk to her-"

"She doesn't want to talk," he admitted, scrubbing a hand across his weary face. "I've screwed it up, badly. I've screwed up everything and-" he paused, swallowing and Joey was alarmed to see what looked like tears starting to form in his eyes. "Actually, I don't wanna talk about it anymore," Chandler stated, hastily heading for his room.

"Chandler?" Joey questioned in desperation, hating seeing his roommate like this.

"Just drop it," Chandler ordered quietly as he closed his door.

Joey took a couple of breaths and shook his head. What the hell was going on?

* * *

A couple of hours had passed and Chandler still hadn't materialized from his room. Joey just hoped that the other man had fallen asleep but didn't want to risk checking on him. He wasn't getting any answers here so he decided to head to apartment 20. It was late but not that late and besides, he wanted to check on Monica; she probably didn't have anyone she could talk about the break up with.

He entered the apartment to find it unusually quiet. "Hey," Monica greeted from the couch, quickly hiding something under a cushion; no one else was in sight.

"Hi," he offered, pretending not to have noticed her stashing and joined her on the couch. "Everyone gone home?"

"Yeah, Phoebe and Ross left a while ago and Rachel's in the shower."

"Oh," he nodded as he studied her critically. It looked like she had been crying and he winced, "are you ok?"

"Of course," she lied badly, swiping at her eyes, "why wouldn't I be?"

He swallowed, making his decision.

"Because Chandler's a wreck too," he said gently, waiting as her eyes narrowed.

"So…?"

"Look, I know about you two."

"He told you?"

"No," he shook his head, "I confronted him; when you and Phoebe were talking about your weekend, Chandler had told the same stories. By the way he's paying to have your eyelash curler posted back here."

"Oh," she offered him a small smile, "that's nice of him."

"What happened?" Joey asked, sensing Monica was going to be more forthcoming than Chandler. "Lately you've both been so…content and then you have a fight and you're both really miserable."

"We were happy, really happy," she admitted, "and we're going to be fine," she promised, not noticing his confused look, "it was just a stupid fight. I thought he would have come over by now but I guess he needs some more time."

"So you haven't broken up?" Joey asked confused, remembering Chandler's earlier words.

"What?" Monica looked surprised, "Broken up? No! It was just a fight, a stupid fight at that- it didn't mean anything…does...does he think we've broken up?"

Joey nodded, "yeah he thinks he's screwed up your relationship and friendship."

"I thought he was just being stubborn," she confessed, standing up. "I didn't think for a second that he thought we were over, god, I need to speak to him. Are you ok to give us some privacy?"

"Yeah, sure," he reassured her with a smile, "go look after him, I'll cover for you with Rachel."

She smiled back relieved, "thanks Joey, I owe you one."

"No problem," he grinned genuinely watching as she left. Who would have thought Monica and Chandler were a thing? He was just pleased they were still a thing, given how badly Chandler had been hurting earlier, it was obvious how much this relationship meant to him.

"Hey Joey," Rachel called as she crossed the room in her towel. His eyes automatically followed her until the doors closed and he smiled again happily.

He grabbed the remote and started surfing through the channels, leaving it on Die Hard. He felt he needed something manly after helping his friends' mushy romance. Then he remembered Monica shoving something under the cushion his butt was currently on. He stuck his hand under it and hit something, pulling it out he saw it was a strip of photos from a photo booth.

Joey chuckled as he took in each picture; Chandler was pulling a stupid face in each much to Monica's obvious annoyance. However, it was clear to see when she had given into his silliness, laughing and joining in with him. In the last photo they were happily kissing; they looked kinda cute together. He looked at the photos again, taking in how carefree and in love they appeared, yeah he had a feeling they were onto something special.

With a grin, he grabbed the photos and walked over to Monica's bedroom, hiding them under her pillow, figuring they were safer there than in the living room. Then he went and finished the rest of the movie.

When the hostages had been freed and the credits began to scroll, he decided to chance his own apartment. Before he left his turned out Monica's bedroom light, pulling the door closed so Rachel would think she was asleep. As he left he turned out the apartment light too just for cover.

Walking into his own bright apartment he was relieved to find the living room empty and Chandler's door firmly closed. He heard a squeak and a giggle and with a knowing smirk he headed for his own room, determined to locate those headphones he'd borrowed from Phoebe.

* * *

"Hey!"

Joey turned to greet his roommate the next morning, "Hi," he smiled, taking him in, "you certainly look a lot happier than you did yesterday," he commented as Chandler grabbed some OJ from the fridge.

"Yep," he grinned widely, his eyes shining, "I sure am and I believe a 'thank you' is in order," he slapped his shoulder. "Monica told me you talked with her - thank you, man."

He shrugged, "No worries, it's just nice to see you happier than yesterday."

"I am, very very happy," he smiled widely, "But seriously, man, thank you for talking to her and straightening everything out."

"It's ok. So, no one knows about you guys?"

"Just you and we wanna keep it that way, for now anyhow. You're ok with that right?" he looked a tad concerned.

"Sure," Joey agreed easily. He didn't really like secrets but it wasn't his to tell, "So when did this all start?"

"London," Chandler wiggled his eyebrows clearly pleased with himself.

"Nice," Joey nodded. "Is the sex good?"

"Out of this world," Chandler's smile widened, "but that stays between us. Don't be ogling her or anything."

"Ogling?" Joey laughed, "you're such a dweeb. How the hell did you end up with Monica?"

"I honestly don't know, but I'm not gonna question it," Chandler grinned, "she really is amazing though."

Chandler's grin was infectious and Joey found himself grinning back stupidly. Things rarely went well for his roommate, especially on the woman front, so Joey was really pleased for him. And for himself...hopefully this meant no more Janice. Ever.

Moments later the apartment door opened and Monica slipped in, her smile beaming as she looked at Chandler who returned it.

How had it not seen it before?

"Hey," Chandler greeted, walking over to her, his arms encircling her waist.

"Hey," she grinned back, her arms around his neck. Their embrace just looked so natural.

They stared at each other a few more seconds before closing the gap. Their lips coming together in a sensual good morning kiss. Joey pulled a face, looking away at the display of affection. Just because he knew about them didn't mean he wanted to see it.

Much to his dismay the kiss continued, getting more passionate so he stood up uncomfortably, "Yeah, I'm gonna leave now," he informed them but they weren't paying any attention to him.

He cringed screwing up a face as he heard one of them groan and quickened his pace - he didn't wanna get caught in the middle of that. He had to squeeze between them and the foosball table as they continued with their embrace completely oblivious to him and his desperate attempt at escape.

He made it to the door, opening it quickly. As he turned to close it he caught one last look at them. The make-out session had paused temporarily and they were making eyes at each other which even he could admit was a little adorable. He shook his head, grinning as he made his way to the girls' apartment.

He still couldn't quite believe it, that after all this time they had crossed that friendship line. But seeing them together, looking at each other like that, so smitten, it all just seemed so right. Joey could sense they were onto something good.

"Where's Chandler?" Rachel asked as he walked through the door alone.

"Oh, he woke up late," he lied quickly, relieved when the group merely nodded and continued their breakfast conversation.

He'd cover for them as much as they needed, he vowed, determined to help protect their budding relationship from the criticisms and scrutiny of their intense gang.

He just hoped he wouldn't find himself in too many compromising situations…

-And cut back to normal season 5-

* * *

A/N - Did it suck? Did it work on any level? I've never done an AU which didn't then change the course of the whole episode. Please let me know either way...

And also a massive thank you all for the reviews to the previous chapters. They are a great motivation when I'm feeling blah :o)


	8. TOW the Computer Games

TOW the Computer Games

* * *

"Monica?" Rachel called through the bathroom door, "Can I borrow that new book you got?"

There was no reply, obviously her roommate couldn't hear her over the shower. Huh.

"Well, I'm gonna grab it from your room unless you say otherwise, as I really really wanna read it before I go to sleep…"

Not hearing any complaints, Rachel shrugged her dressing gown covered shoulders and padded her way into Monica's immaculate bedroom. Her bedside lamp was on, casting shadows across the pink room. She was somewhat surprised by the out of place laptop that sat open in the middle of her neatly made bed. Strange.

Not paying it much attention, Rachel walked over to the tall chest of drawers where she'd last seen the desired book. It didn't take long to spot in the organized room; it was in a small pile of neatly stacked books. Mission successful. With a proud smile she pulled it out, being careful to straighten the pile afterwards to 'Monica' standards; maybe she wouldn't even notice she'd borrowed it?

Rachel flipped it over in her hands, eagerly rereading the back cover as she started to head towards the door.

 _Ping!_

Confused, she looked up from her book and looked around the room trying to locate the source of the annoying noise.

 _Ping!_

It happened again and she focused her attention on the laptop- her chief suspect. Walking over to it she inspected it briefly; she wasn't a fan of computers, they really weren't her thing.

There in the bottom corner of the screen was a little message window flashing away. It pinged again impatiently and curiosity got the better of her and she studied it more carefully. Who was Monica messaging this late at night?

 _CBing: Are you out of the shower yet?_

She frowned looking at the username, CBing- why was she chatting to Chandler online? The guy lived across the hall and had only left an hour ago for crying out loud. What on Earth could they possibly have to say to each other that couldn't wait until breakfast?

 _CBing: Babe?_

'Babe?' Knowing she really shouldn't, but then arguing that they didn't really have any secrets from each other, she pressed the mouse pad quickly, causing it to scroll up slightly to reveal a little of the previous conversation.

Throwing a quick look back at the open bedroom door to ensure Monica wasn't about to suddenly appear, she leaned down, having a quick read, an immediate frown embedding itself on her face.

 _MG: I've really gotta go have that shower._

 _CBing: Can I join?_

 _MG: As nice as that would be I think Rachel might get suspicious…_

Were they flirting? Confused she scrolled up a little further unable to help herself. Her gossip radar was on high alert all of a sudden.

 _MG: So I'm going to go take a shower. Get all naked…_

 _CBing: You're just teasing me now..._

 _MG: Consider it payback for last night ;-)_

 _CBing: teasing and foreplay are different things. Besides, you enjoyed it - you were so loud you almost woke up Joey._

 _MG: Maybe, we'll see who makes who scream tonight..._

Rachel's eyes widened, a hand coming up to her mouth. OMG. They weren't just flirting...they were actually sleeping together? What were they...buck fuddies? Friends with benefits? In a relationship? Surely Monica would have told her? They always shared stuff with each other.

The computer pinged again, causing the screen to jump down to the most recent message.

 _CBing: My god woman how long does a shower take? Are you ignoring me deliberately to torture me? Making me picture you all wet and nakkid under that spray_

Rachel blinked, taken aback, it was strange to hear Chandler talking like that...

 _CBing: Please tell me Rachel's gone to bed early? I can't wait to come over and be with you._

What to do? She was in two minds...run away to her room scarred from her discovery, or have a little fun and mess with him. Chewing her lip she went back to the bedroom doorway. The bathroom door was still firmly closed and straining she could hear the shower still running. If only Phoebe was here; she was always better messing with people than she was.

Walking back to the bed she thought about it just for a second longer before a little evil smile appeared on her face.

 _MG: She's gone to bed_

 _CBing: Hey you're back! What took so long?_

 _MG: I was getting myself ready for you._

She suspected that's exactly what Monica was doing. If she was getting regular sex she'd be shaving, waxing, plucking…all sorts of things.

 _CBing: Please tell me you're still in just a towel?_

The evil smile widened.

 _MG: No. Naked_

She chuckled as she hit the send button.

 _CBing: Are you actually trying to kill me?_

Rachel smirked. Should she just end it there? Go back into her room with her smug little secret...

It pinged again.

 _CBing: Has she really gone to bed already?_

Oh what the heck, this was fun!

 _MG: Yes. She went to bed as soon as you guys left. You should come over..._

 _CBing: Already? This early?_

 _MG: We could make love all night_

Rachel didn't know if it was making love or sex but she didn't care. She was getting into this messing thing.

 _CBing: Isn't it too risky?_

She rolled her eyes.

 _MG: I'm nakkid_

 _CBing: Can we do that thing we talked about_?

She didn't even want to know.

 _MG: sure_

Rachel chuckled as she typed.

 _MG: but hurry over. Quick._

Laughing out loud, she decided to leave it there and quickly left Monica's room. Would Chandler brave it? She heard the shower shut off and she swiftly ran into her bedroom, closing the door.

Moments later as Monica left the bathroom in a cloud of steam she was surprised to hear the apartment door open. She frowned as Chandler rushed in. He froze just as confused.

"Hey...?" she ventured. "You ok?"

"You're not naked?" he frowned.

"I kinda am," she whispered, conscious of her roommate, as she walked up to him and placed a quick kiss on his lips, "I just got outta the shower. What are you doing here?"

"I-" his frown deepened and he looked so cute that she couldn't resist another quick kiss, her hand stroking his arm.

"Chandler?" she prompted gently, "why are you here?"

She shot another quick look at Rachel's door but thankfully it remained closed.

"You asked me to come over."

"When?" her frown now matched his, "are you telepathic all of a sudden?" She had desperately wanted him over; she had thought of nothing else whilst showering.

"No...," he still looked mightily confused, "...on the computer."

Both looked over to Monica's open door where the laptop lay inside.

"What are you talking about, sweetie?" she asked, a hand came up to play with his shirt, "I've been in the shower," she lowered her voice, "dreaming about what I want to do to you later," he swallowed, closing his eyes as she came even closer, her voice a mere whisper in his ear, "I was thinking we could do that thing we talked about."

He kept his eyes closed as a delicious shiver ran through his body from head to toe, trying to keep his mind on the current situation.

"You, ah, you told me to come over as Rachel was asleep already and you were naked." He opened his eyes, letting them run over her towel-covered body. "Which obviously isn't the case."

"Chandler, did you eat one of Phoebe's special brownies?" she chuckled. "I've only just got out of the shower, I'm wearing a towel and I suspect that Rachel is very much awake."

Shaking his head he grabbed her hand and quickly led her to her bedroom, determined to prove to both himself and her that he wasn't going completely crazy. He pulled her over to where the laptop was, scrolling up to reveal the last few messages.

"See?" he protested, pointing to the evidence. "Naked and wanting me to come over."

Monica frowned as she read the conversation, taking it all in, "honey, that wasn't me."

"What?" Chandler frowned, "if it wasn't you, then who…?"

They looked at each other with wide eyes.

* * *

In the next room Rachel sat smiling, trying to keep her attention focused on the book that had started all this, although her mind kept wandering to Monica and Chandler. Had he come over? Had they discovered her little game?

She had her answer when she suddenly heard the twin shouts through her wall, "Rachel!"

Busted.

A/N- a total cliché I know but I couldn't resist! Thanks for reading and reviewing- always much appreciated :o)


	9. TOW the Socks

TOW the Socks

So work was quiet and I was in a silly mood...and this was apparently the result. I feel I should apologize in advance for inflicting this on you! Complete and utter nonsense- set early season 5.

* * *

"Hi!" Phoebe greeted as she walked into apartment 20, to find a bored looking Rachel and a miserable looking Ross sat round the kitchen table, "where is everyone?"

"Joey's got a date and Chandler and Monica are doing their laundry," Ross sighed overly-depressed.

"Oh," she shrugged easily, "well, I just came by to see if anyone wanted to go catch a movie?"

"God yes!" Rachel jumped up from the table, "let me grab my purse."

Phoebe blinked surprised by her friend's enthusiasm, she didn't know which movie, "ok...Ross?"

"No thanks," he spoke slowly, "I'm gonna try and phone Emily again. She still won't answer my calls and her parents have blocked my number. I was just saying to Rachel that I think maybe I'll try using Monica's phone..."

"Ah," Phoebe tried to hide her smile as it suddenly became obvious as to why Rachel was in such a hurry to escape. "Good luck with that."

"Ready," Rachel announced reappearing, coat and handbag already on, "let's go!"

"But the movie doesn't start until-" she caught Rachel's pointed look, "ok, yeah fine let's go. See you later Ross."

Ross mumbled a melancholy goodbye as they hightailed it from the apartment.

"Thank you _so_ much," Rachel sighed in relief as she firmly closed the door behind them. "I couldn't take another second of his whining. He just keeps moaning about Emily and –ahhh! Enough already ya know? I can only say 'I'm sorry' so many times before I go insane. It was bearable when Monica and Chandler were there to buffer it but with just me? I even wished I'd joined them doing laundry."

"I understand," Phoebe assured her nodding, "I wish Emily would just speak to him already and put him out of his misery – hell, put all of us out of our misery!"

Rachel nodded as they started down the stairs.

"Hey look," Rachel frowned bending down to pick up a pink spotty sock, "does this look like Monica's? Think she dropped it on the way to the laundry room?"

"Possibly," Phoebe frowned, "seems weird she wouldn't have noticed. I mean it is _Monica_."

"True," she nodded thoughtfully, "Maybe Chandler was distracting her?" she mused.

Sock-in-hand, they continued down the stairs only to come across yet another lone sock a few steps down; a bright purple one this time.

"He must have _really_ been distracting her," Phoebe commented as she picked up the second sock.

They continued their descent to the next flight of stairs, only find another rogue sock...and then another...and another. They picked each up in turn, looking at the collection in their hands; they had quite a variety, spots, stripes, stars...even one which had the batman logo on which they assumed must be Chandler's.

"How did she not notice all these?" Rachel questioned, "I'm surprised she hasn't noticed she's missing so many – she usually counts them when putting them in the basket and in and out of the washing machine to ensure none go missing."

"Oh yeah, I remember her chart," Phoebe nodded.

They continued down collecting a couple more AWOL socks on route. They were about to carry on down the next flight of stairs when Phoebe spotted something, "look!" she gestured to the underwear on the floor. More socks had been dropped along the corridor.

"There's no laundry machines on this floor," Rachel frowned. "Why on earth would they have gone this way?"

They shared a bewildered look before following the trail to where it stopped abruptly outside of the third floor storage closet.

"Why would they have brought their laundry here?" Phoebe asked still very confused.

"Maybe Tregar told them to get supplies of some sort?" Rachel suggested with a shrug.

With a final confused look shared, Rachel reached for the handle and pushed the door open. They froze in shock at the sight that greeted them.

"I don't think they are gonna care about those socks," Phoebe commented with a smirk as Rachel quickly closed the door on the couple. "Although, it's somewhat ironic that they are only wearing their socks now."

"Yeah," Rachel flushed embarrassed, suddenly very pleased she hadn't invited herself along earlier, "Gives a whole new meaning to doing laundry, huh?"

* * *

A/N- you were warned :oD


	10. TOW the Cat and the Vampire

TOW the Cat and the Vampire

A/N- So, I thought it would be fun to do a Halloween themed one for this series…the problem was I only decided this on Halloween…opps; so only a day late isn't too bad. I hope you enjoy it. I've no idea how far along in their relationship they would have been at Halloween, so I'm probably messing with the timeline loads, but just imagine Joey doesn't know anything and they are very much in the 'can't keep their hands off each other, doing it in the park stage'.

* * *

"So, is everyone ready for tomorrow night?" Rachel asked the gang that sat around the breakfast table.

Joey, Phoebe and Ross all nodded enthusiastically, whilst Monica shot Chandler a pointed look.

He subtly nodded to her and cleared his throat, "Uh about that," he started, only to move back in fear as Rachel came charging around the table and got into his personal space.

"You better still be coming, Bing," she warned, a finger pointing at him accusingly. "My boss is expecting me to bring 5 people and if anyone pulls out he will-"

"I'm still coming-" he said quickly, holding up his hands in defense, "I'm just gonna be a little late as I've got a late meeting at work."

"Oh," she blinked, backing down, "ok then."

As she turned from him he shot a pointed look at Monica.

"Oh that reminds me," she picked up, winking at him, "I'm going to get out a little late from work myself," she lied badly, "Chandler, why don't we go together?"

Chandler had to hide his grin behind his hand, she was so bad at this, "sounds like a plan," he tried to shrug casually. Inside he was doing his happy dance. Neither of them had to work late. It was pure genius.

"Ok, fine," Rachel frowned at them both slightly, "as long as you turn up at some point and make sure you dress up. It's a Halloween fancy dress party after all."

"I've got my costume all sorted," the way Joey said it, with more than a hint of dirtiness caused the others to look at him curiously.

"Please tell me you aren't wearing your Baywatch costume again!" Rachel protested. "It's not halloweeny."

"But it is sexy," Phoebe commented, smiling at a suddenly happy Joey.

"No." Rachel warned as Joey's face fell.

"What if I put scars on my chest or ooooh, I could be a zombie lifeguard!" Rachel just continued to look at him, clearly not sharing his enthusiasm. "Fine, I'll be a regular _boring_ zombie," he pouted.

Chandler shook his head at his roommate before his eyes involuntarily sought out his secret girlfriend. She hadn't told him what she was dressing up as, but he was now really hoping she'd consider a Baywatch costume. He could imagine her in a tight red swim costume, running…oh the running…

"Can the chick and duck come?" Joey asked out the blue, interrupting Chandler's pleasant daydream, "the duck's been practicing his Count Duckula impression."

"Cool!" Phoebe praised as Ross rolled his eyes.

"What? No they can't come!" Rachel scolded.

"Aw, come on Rach," Chandler teased, "they can be _poultry_ -geists."

"Enough, Halloween jokes," she warned. "The damn birds are not coming and Joey is not dressing in swimming trunks. Come on people this is an important event, it's my office party- there'll be lots of important people there that I need to network with. Now, all of you are going to turn up, dressed appropriately and be on your best behavior." She noticed their looks, "it's gonna be lots of fun," she added weakly.

"We'll be there in high _spirits_ ," Chandler braved before swallowing at her death glare. "Fine, sorry no more Halloween jokes."

* * *

"Chandler!" Monica let out a giggle as she felt his impatient hands slip under her top, his thumbs caressing the bare skin of her stomach.

"Hmmm?" he asked the skin of her neck where he was busy placing little kisses.

"If you don't stop it, I'm going to ravish you in this alleyway."

"Is that meant to put me off?" he grinned, moving his lips to her sensitive ear. "I wouldn't say no to that."

She closed her eyes briefly, shivering, before forcing them open and back onto the target they were both meant to be watching…the door of their apartment building.

"We need to pay attention," Monica chastened, although she didn't try moving from his embrace, "we may miss them leaving."

Chandler moved one hand from her stomach, peering over her shoulder to check the time shown on his watch, "they'll go soon," his hand went back to her stomach, stroking slightly. "And as soon as they leave, I'm taking you upstairs Miss Geller and having my wicked way with you."

She closed her eyes, his dancing fingertips combined with his words causing all kind of sensations within her, "wicked way?" she breathed.

"Well it is Halloween," he murmured before finding that particular spot behind her ear and pressing a slow kiss to it. As expected she shivered against him and he grinned proudly. He lifted his gaze briefly from her skin to look across the street again, willing them to hurry up; this was pure torture.

He felt Monica's hands come up to cover his own where they lay on her midriff. Her fingers stroked his skin sensually, creating paths of fire with her touch; he closed his eyes, tightening his arms around her. Pure, pure torture.

"Chandler!"

His eyes snapped open, immediately noticing what she had. Four dressed up figures emerging from their apartment. Chandler walked them back a couple of steps, further into the alleyway, praying none of them would look over this way.

"Ross is a dinosaur again," Monica hissed, "that's not halloweeny," but Chandler couldn't care less. He just wanted them to leave so they could get upstairs and down to business.

They both watched intently as broom-in-hand, Witch Phoebe hailed a cab with ease and she, the dinosaur, zombie and sexy red devil all piled into the vehicle and drove away.

Cautiously they took a couple of steps closer, watching as the cab rounded the corner and wide grins broke across their faces.

"Let's go!" Monica started to run only to find Chandler's strong grip on her wrist. "Chandler?"

Without warning he crashed his lips to hers, his hands skimming over her body and pulling her flush against him as he tried to devour her. She groaned, her arms coming around his neck only to find herself being pushed away and him stepping back completely.

"Wh-?"

He smiled at her stunned looked, "Come on, what are you waiting for?" he teased, grabbing her hand and tugging her across the street. They didn't have long, an hour tops before they'd have to leave for this stupid party.

She let him pull her up the stairs, stopping to kiss and touch one another, their desire too strong to worry about bumping into a neighbor.

"Your place or mine?" Monica asked in between kisses as they finally reached their floor.

"I don't care," Chandler muttered, pushing her up against the nearest wall, his lips claiming hers as his hands crept up her body.

"Mine then," Monica pushed him away enough to unlock the door to her apartment, his hands distracting her as she succeeded in pushing open the door and flicking on the light.

As Chandler tried to resume their make-out session Monica froze, spotting something, "damn."

"What?" he frowned, finding it hard to focus his mind on anything but her and what was about to happen.

"Rachel's trident," she gestured to the red devil accessory on the kitchen table, "she's forgotten it. What if they come back?"

"My place?" he suggested and she nodded.

"Ok, go," she gestured to the door, "I'll join you in a second."

"Why?"

"Trust me," she practically purred, running a seductive hand down the front of his shirt.

"Ok," he swallowed, "but please be quick."

With a chaste kiss she pushed him away and hurried into her bedroom. He dashed across into his own apartment, very glad not to encounter Rachel or the rest of the gang in the hallway. He didn't bother with the living room lights. Although, he did decide to grab a couple of candles from his top drawer and light them, one on either beside cabinet. It never hurt to be a little romantic.

He stripped down to his boxers, lying on his bed and waited, praying that Monica would be able to make it over without running into a devil searching for her missing weapon. He heard his apartment door shut and seconds later Monica appeared in her silky gown and he swallowed. She closed his bedroom door and let the gown drop to the floor to reveal a little red lacy number.

His eyes ran over her body, lost for words as she walked towards him, joining him on the bed.

"Trick or treat?" she breathed against his lips.

In answer, he groaned pulling her down to him.

* * *

An hour later he strolled into her apartment, freshly showered and in full costume, "Mon, you ready?" he called.

"Just a second!" she called from the bedroom.

He decided it was wiser to stay in the living room opposed to go searching for her. If he walked into her bedroom he couldn't guarantee they'd leave it anytime time soon. Their session earlier had been fricking awesome, but had done little to dampen his want for her. God, she was amazing.

"Hey, nice costume."

Chandler turned towards her voice and froze at the sight, "are you trying to kill me?" he groaned as he took in the tight black lycra cat outfit she'd chosen. It was even hotter than the Baywatch image.

"Says the vampire," she chuckled, "I'm liking the cape on you, I'm kinda wishing you'd worn that earlier, we could have snuggled under it afterwards."

"How about we keep on the costumes for later," he wiggled his eyebrows seductively, pulling her in for a quick kiss before she pushed him away. "I take it Rachel never came back," he gestured to the trident still on the table.

"I guess not," she shrugged, "talking of Rachel we better hurry or _she'll_ be the one killing both of us."

He nodded reluctantly, wishing instead that they could carry on making the most of two empty apartments. It would almost be worth facing Rachel's wrath…almost.

Monica grabbed the trident and headed for the door.

"I won't make any jokes about you being horny," he promised as they left the apartment to which she rolled her eyes and poked him in the butt with it.

They made it onto the sidewalk and got a cab easily. Enjoying the last few minutes of being alone together they had a little impromptu make-out session on the backseat, ignoring the driver's disapproving glare. Once the cab reached their destination, they hurriedly handed over some notes and stepped into the cooling air.

"I don't think I'm going to get through the evening with you wearing that," Chandler groaned, his voice thick, "think you, me and that trident could find somewhere to have our own private party before finding the others?"

"I've never had a threesome before," she winked causing a deep chuckle from him.

She grabbed his hand, hoping that they wouldn't bump into any of the others first. They entered the quieter foyer, the party taking place a few floors up. They nodded politely to the bored-looking guy sat at the reception desk as they made it up a few flights of stairs hearing the loud party music above them. The floor directly below the party was deserted. Perfect. They started to look around for any sort of closet or open door…bingo.

With a giggle they disappeared.

* * *

"God, I love Halloween!" Phoebe gushed as she joined her small circle of friends.

"How come?" Ross asked, wondering where his friend's sudden enthusiasm had come from. "Have you been doing shots at the bar or something? Is that why you were gone so long?"

"No," she shook her head, "I'm on the cocktails tonight," she demonstrated by taking a sip of her colorful drink.

"So where were you?" Rachel asked, "please don't tell me you were making out with one of my bosses or something?"

"No, but that does sound fun," Phoebe commented, looking around to see if anybody in the close vicinity looked cute and important.

"Phoebe!"

"Oh right, sorry. I was gone a while because the queue for the ladies was sooo long I gave up and went and used the restroom the next floor down. On my way back I heard some suspicious noises coming from behind a door," she smirked, "so, I peeked in and saw a vampire doing it with a devil cat. How cool is that? There was a cape and a trident and everything. Only on Halloween."

The others frowned whilst Joey nodded impressed, "cool! Do you think they're still there?"

"Joey!" Ross protested.

Rachel glanced at the large clock on the wall, looking for a change of subject, "where the hell are Monica and Chandler?" she griped.

The others shrugged and Ross looked towards the door, blinking as his sister came into view…wearing a cat outfit.

"Hey," she greeted them.

"Nice costume," Joey approved.

"It's funny," Rachel grinned, "Phoebe was just telling us she saw a cat and a vampire doing it in a closet downstairs."

The others all laughed, not noticing as Monica's face drained. She looked as white as Phoebe's face paint.

"Avoid any vampires tonight," Ross commented.

"Or not," Rachel laughed wiggling her eyebrows.

They all laughed again, no one noticing as Chandler came behind them, "Whaa haa haa," he greeted them with his best vampire impression.

The laughter stopped instantly as they simultaneously froze. Slowly, the gang turned to take in Chandler's costume, before one by one their gazes went to Monica's guilty looking face and smudged whiskers.

"Um…" she swallowed.

"Why? Why would you do that?" Ross protested walking away quickly shaking his head.

"It wasn't that bad of an impression," Chandler protested confused, "oh Rach I believe this is yours," he held out the trident surprised when she backed away from it.

"God no, you keep that…or at the very least burn it." She beat a hasty retreat following the path Ross had taken.

Chandler's frown deepened as he glanced at Monica noticing her flushed cheeks and the way she was pointedly looking at her shoes.

"What am I missing?"

"From what I saw not a lot," Phoebe laughed. "Come on Joey, let's leave the lovebirds to it and get more drinks."

"Lovebirds?" Chandler protested, "I'm a vampire, she's a cat…" but Phoebe was already walking away. "Wh-?" he paused as Joey stepped up to him, standing directly in front of him. Chandler raised an eyebrow in question.

"Dude!" Joey pulled him into a man-hug, which caused Chandler to feel even more like he'd stepped into the twilight zone. "Nice work!" the zombie praised before throwing Monica a dirty grin and running after Phoebe.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"They know about us."

He blinked as realization dawned, "really?"

"Yeah…Phoebe saw us in that closet."

"Oh."

"Yeah," she nodded meeting his eyes.

"So…." he suddenly grinned, a cheeky glint in his eyes, "if they know about us it means I can do this?" He stepped closer into her personal space, taking her hand. "And this," he raised it to his lips. "And this," he pulled her flush against him.

"Chandler!" she chuckled but he ignored her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Chandler!" she protested as he kissed her.

"What?" he questioned, kissing her face-painted cheek. "They already know, so what's the problem?"

"Shouldn't we go talk to them or something?"

"We could," he teased, "or we could go dance together instead?"

"That does sound nice but-"

"Dance with me," he whispered, placing a soft lingering kiss on her lips, "in front of everyone. We can deal with talking to them all later. Right now let's just enjoy the fact that we aren't a secret anymore. That we can be a couple out in public."

She looked into his shining blue eyes and swallowed, loving how sweet he was. As much as she'd liked friend Chandler, boyfriend Chandler was something damn special.

"I'd like that," she agreed, accepting another kiss before he took her hand and pulled her towards the makeshift dance floor.

She hadn't wanted everyone to know just yet, and this definitely wasn't the way she'd planned on them finding out. But, as they reached the dancefloor and Chandler pulled her into his arms and gazed down at her with that look in his eyes, the look that made her feel like she was his whole world, she was grateful they all knew. There'd be no more having to hide how they felt about each other or hiding that they were in the best relationship of their lives.

"Hey," Chandler whispered in her ear, breaking her from her thoughts, "I should warn you," he dipped her suddenly, causing her to laugh and clutch his shoulders tightly, "us vampires," he pulled her back up, his lips practically touching her ear, "we're known to bite."

She giggled in delight. Yep, they could deal with the others later. Much much later. Right now she was going to enjoy spending the evening with her fabulous no longer a secret boyfriend.

* * *

A/N - Thanks for all your reviews! Each is much appreciated.

Phoebe- I've got a couple of Ross ones that are half finished. One is even the first ever fic I started! I'll try to finish one of them next :oD


	11. TOW the Bloody Nose

TOW the Bloody Nose

I hope you haven't all forgotten this little series, as I still have a few almost finished chapters to post at some point and plenty more ideas :o) Set season 5 when Joey knows and Rachel knows but they don't know she knows…you know?

* * *

It was official. This was the best Friday night ever.

All their friends already had big plans for the evening, meaning Monica and Chandler were free to do whatever they wanted with no questions asked. They didn't even have to come up with any excuses, had no curfews and could be together for the night as a 'normal' couple.

Which was why they were currently on some random dancefloor in some random nightclub. They were probably getting way too old for this sort of place, but right now Chandler couldn't care less; right now, all that mattered was the woman dancing oh-so-closely with him.

They were free to kiss and touch as much as they wanted. They were just another anonymous horny couple amongst the sea of dancing, sweaty bodies.

"God, I really needed this," Monica shouted in his ear, as she looped her arms around his neck, her body still moving in time to the overly loud and very questionable 'music'.

Things had been stupidly busy lately, which was why Monica had asked if they could go to a club tonight; she had wanted to just escape, relax and have some fun. He hadn't been quite as keen on the idea but now they were here, it felt so good to let their hair down and be together like this.

"Me too," he agreed, squinting as one of the stupidly bright disco lights flashed directly into his eyes. Ouch.

"When did you get so sexy?" Monica asked, her painted nails tracing patterns of fire on the back of his neck.

"You must be drunk," he teased, "you're the sexy one in this relationship, remember? And I'm the funny one."

"What if I happen to think you're sexy and funny?" she asked, gazing up at him with _that_ smile.

"Then that doesn't really leave much for you to be," he chuckled.

Monica smiled, shaking her head before pulling him down for a kiss. It became passionate quickly and he still couldn't get over how much they needed each other. It had been five months, five months of unbelievable sex and yet he still craved it, still craved _her_ so badly that it actually hurt.

He deepened the kiss, his arms coming around her waist to hold her close to him. Then one hand travelled up to find the back of her head, his fingers burying themselves in the soft strands. His other hand moved in the opposite direction, dancing down her exposed spine, pleased as he felt her shiver against him; whoever had invented backless dresses was a pure genius. His hand continued to caress the naked skin of her back for a moment, before moving further south.

She moaned into his mouth as his hand found a butt cheek, letting his fingers lightly stroke for a moment before pressing their groins together, letting her feel what she was doing to him. She made some sort of sound and Chandler felt his head starting to spin, his heart pounding faster than the beat of the bass coming through the OTT giant speakers that they were next to.

They never did anything like this in public. Sure they teased each other occasionally when they got the chance but it was always discreet, hidden, never this bold and blatant; he was loving it, getting lost in it. He felt her fingers tighten on the back of his head, Monica clearly loving this too. He flexed his hand, squeezing her cheek and remembering she had gone commando this evening. God, the only thing separating him from her perfect ass was the thin silky material that he could feel under his fingertips. She was gonna kill him. He let out his own groan continuing to hungrily kiss her for all he was worth, desperate to taste and experience this incredible woman.

Suddenly, he felt hands grabbing at him, roughly pulling him away from Monica. Confused, he opened his eyes, only to instinctively shut them again as a fist came flying towards him, connecting painfully with his nose. Ow, dear god that hurt. His hands instantly clutched at his damaged face, the blood rushing in his ears and out of his nose.

"What the hell are you doing? My baby sister? How can you take advantage of her like that? She's meant to be your friend and you're, you're…? What's the matter with you?"

Crap.

Thankfully, Monica answered for him, "my God Ross, you idiot! He's not taking advantage of me."

Monica was next to him then, her eyes filled with concern, her warm hands stroking his chest, his shoulders and his arms, before finally taking his hands, gently encouraging him to move them away from his nose, so she could see what they were dealing with. He close his eyes, biting his lips as she poked and prodded.

"You're bleeding," she stated the obvious. "We better get you to the restroom."

"I've got it," Chandler said quietly. His ego was bruised enough, very aware of the curious stares they were getting from kids that probably weren't even old enough to be in here; the last thing he needed was his girlfriend to escort him to the bathroom.

He offered her a little smile as she squeezed his hands, before he shot one quick hesitant look to Ross, who was frowning but remaining quiet. Embarrassed, he walked as quickly as possible in the direction of the bathroom, clutching his nose; he was somewhat grateful that his hands were hiding most of his red face.

Pushing open the hideous orange doors, he cringed at the overly bright lights and headed straight to a sink. He squinted at the small mirror which hung over it, wincing as he noticed it offered him the not so pleasant view of the urinals. He was thankful that no one was currently using them.

"Here," he looked over to see the restroom guy offering him a wad of tissues. Chandler frowned at him for a second, "they are free of charge," the attendant chuckled, "just looked like you needed them."

"Thanks," Chandler nodded, accepting them and turning back to the mirror. He started the icky cleanup job, wiping the blood from his chin, grimacing as he realized his nose was still bleeding. "Am I meant to tilt my head up or down?" he mused out loud, throwing a look to the guy.

"Advice I do charge for," the other man chuckled, taking in Chandler's frown, "just kidding, sir. Tilt your head forward a little." Chandler followed his advice, closing his eyes as he felt the start of a headache.

It was official. This was rapidly turning into the worst Friday night ever.

"What happened? Do you want me to get security?"

"Nah, security's not needed," he dismissed easily, "it was actually one of my best friends."

The guy raised an eyebrow at him, "then you need some new friends, pal, let me start by introducing myself, I'm Eric."

"Chandler. I would shake your hand but-" he half gestured to the mess.

"That's alright. I ensure I avoid all hands that have any bodily fluid on them," Eric told him and Chandler tried a small smile, "that's rule number three."

"That's probably a very sensible policy," Chandler agreed, not asking about the first two rules as he took away the tissue and gently inspected his nose in the mirror. Still bleeding. Just great. "And I kinda gave him a good reason to punch me," he admitted, tilting his head once more.

"Yeah? What'd you do?"

"He, ah caught me feeling up his little sister."

"Ouch, ooooh man!" Eric shook his head in disbelief, "you've gotta be stupid to try something like that with one of your best mate's sisters! It's like going with an ex. You're damn lucky he only threw the one punch."

"I know, I know," Chandler sighed, "but I've been dating her for months. Five months today actually. Ironically, this was just a night out to relax and enjoy ourselves. We didn't know he was here…until the bloody nose thing. I wouldn't have been dancing like that, with her, if I'd known he was around. Hell, we would have avoided this place and gone somewhere else."

"He doesn't like you dating her?" Eric guessed.

"He doesn't _know_ I'm dating her," Chandler frowned before correcting himself, " _didn't_ know; he clearly does now."

"I see." Chandler sincerely doubted he did.

"Yeah…say, do you have anything in your magic stash that gets blood out of clothes? I kinda liked this shirt."

Eric laughed, shaking his head, "Nope, I've just got the usual colognes and soap…you know what I tell 'em? No soap, no hope."

Chandler chuckled slightly before checking out his face in the mirror again, frowning. "Should it still be bleeding? Are you sure I shouldn't be tilting it up?"

"Nah, give it time, it was obviously quite some punch," Eric commented having seen plenty of nosebleeds in his current vocation.

"I was caught off guard," Chandler protested. "I didn't even see it coming. I was too busy feeling up his little sister, remember?"

Eric simply nodded in a 'the-customer-is-always-right' sort of way.

The restroom doors opened then and a sheepish looking Ross entered. He winced a little as he took in Chandler, "hey man."

"Hey," Chandler answered somewhat cautiously, hoping the man hadn't come for round two.

"You sure you don't want security?" Eric whispered sensing the tension, but Chandler shook his head before wincing slightly at the pain. Damn headache.

"I, uh," Ross started, stepping closer to him, "I'm really sorry, dude, I shouldn't have freaked out like that."

Chandler frowned a little. Ross was apologizing to _him_? How the hell had Monica managed that? "Um-"

"I just wasn't expecting to see… _that_ ," he pulled a slight face as he obviously relived the memory, "See, I didn't know you guys were together. I just saw your hands on her and flipped. I've had a few beers, was caught off-guard and I wasn't exactly thinking straight. I just went into big brother mode and did the whole 'Red Ross' thing for a moment. I should never have punched you though, I'm sorry man. I guess I better continue with those anger management classes, huh?"

Chandler offered him a small nod.

"If I'd even stopped to think about it for just a second, or talked to you I would have figured it was consensual," Ross continued, "You think the world of Monica, always have, I know you would never take advantage of her like that," he shrugged uncomfortable, "I should've pulled you off and waited for some answers. I really am sorry."

"It's fine," Chandler dismissed, appreciating the apology but appreciating more that Ross understood that he would never hurt or use Monica like that. "It's water under the bridge."

They'd been through a lot together, this was just another 'incident' to add to their entertaining stories and anecdotes. They'd be fine. Not knowing what else to say he turned to the mirror again, examining his nose. It had finally stopped bleeding and he was grateful for small mercies.

"That looks painful," Ross grimaced, "It's not broken is it? I could take you to the emergency room if you wanted?"

Chandler carefully shook his head, not wanting to do anything that could risk starting it off again, "nah, don't flatter yourself, you're just one heck of a shot, I'll give you that but you're not good enough to break it. I just need some aspirin or something. Besides, I'm not spending our anniversary in the restroom followed by the ER."

"Anniversary?" Eric and Ross both asked, as the latter rummaged around in his pockets to locate a small packet of painkillers.

"Five months," he smiled almost proudly as he gratefully accepted Ross' offerings. "She's crazy enough to have willingly been with me for five months," he informed them as he swallowed the pills dry.

"She _is_ crazy about you," Ross commented. "You should have heard the hell she gave me for pulling this."

"Hell hath no fury like a pissed woman in a nightclub," Eric offered with an experienced voice. "Wanna buy her a rose?" He gestured to a few single flowers that were squished between the tiled wall and various male fragrance bottles. "Buy a rose for your hoes, that's what I tell them."

Just how many bad sayings did this guy have?

"I'm not buying my _sister_ a rose," Ross protested, "that's just weird. If anyone should buy her one it's Chandler."

"Me?" he blinked in surprise, his head and nose still throbbing. "I've got nothing to be sorry for. I was giving her a lovely evening until you came and punched me. I'm the victim here."

"It's your anniversary," Ross shot back.

"Fine, I'll give her a rose, but you're paying," he raised a challenging eyebrow.

Ross glared at him before rolling his eyes, "fine, how much?"

Begrudgingly, the paleontologist grabbed the wallet from his pants' pocket and handed some crumpled bills over to Eric, receiving an overpriced rose from him in return. Rolling his eyes again he quickly thrusted it at Chandler.

"Ross, you shouldn't have," he quipped earning another glare.

A moment later the doors opened and a nervous kid entered looking around before hesitantly approaching them, "um, are either of you Chandler or Ross?"

"That's us," Chandler nodded confused.

"Look, there's a crazy woman waiting outside, she wouldn't let me in unless I promised to pass on a message. She wants one of you to come out and explain what's taking so long," he held up his hands in defense, "I just wanted to pee."

"You're fine, go pee," Chandler waved him away, throwing a last look to Ross. "I guess we better get out there."

"Yeah," Ross pulled a face, not really in a hurry to see his angry sister again, "let's hope she's calmed down."

"You're the one she's mad at," Chandler pointed out, chucking the bloodied tissues in the bin and washing his hands before picking the rose back up. "Besides I have this," he wiggled the said flower.

"Yeah, whatever," Ross groused.

"Thanks Eric," Chandler turned to the restroom guy. "It's been a blast."

"No worries and good luck," he offered them both a smile, "I hope the rest of your night is less eventful."

With a wave they left the safety of the bathroom, neither surprised when Monica immediately pounced on them, "there you are, I was getting worried," her hands went instantly to Chandler's cheeks, angling his face, so she could see the results.

"Sorry, it was a bit of a bleeder," Chandler commented as she screwed up her face. "I got you a present though."

She frowned, her eyes leaving his somewhat battered nose to see the somewhat battered rose he was holding out to her, "What? From the bathroom? Why?"

"To celebrate our anniversary," he shrugged a little embarrassed, a cute smile touching his lips.

"Well, this is one anniversary I'm sure we'll remember," she chuckled softly, reaching for the offered rose to study it slightly, before blushing a little, changing her mind, "this is really sweet, thank you." She leaned forward, carefully placing a feather-light kiss on his cheek, wary of his delicate nose.

Ross threw him an 'I told you so' look and Chandler just shrugged happily.

"I guess we better head home," Chandler commented, gesturing to his bloodied shirt, "I know a lot of these places have relaxed their dress codes somewhat but this is probably pushing it."

Monica smiled at him, wrapping herself around his arm and snuggling into his side, "you coming, Ross?"

Her brother glanced at them, taking in their cuddling as he tried to get his head around everything. "Yeah," he nodded finally, following them out of the club and into a conveniently located cab.

The short ride was quiet and wordlessly Ross paid for them and they made their way up the stairs and into apartment 20.

"Hey!" Rachel called from the couch not bothering to look up from her magazine until Phoebe's voice.

"What the hell happened?" their blonde friend asked standing up.

Rachel's eyes widened as she turned and took in the entire scene. Monica helping a bruised Chandler into a kitchen chair, a guilty looking Ross trailing behind them.

"Oh my god," Rachel gasped, as realization dawned. All eyes turned questioningly to her, "Ross found about you?"

"You knew?" Both Gellers asked in shock, as Phoebe asked, "found out what?"

"Of course I knew," Rachel dismissed with a wave of her arm, "I told you I knew and you tried to fob me off. Do you really believe I think Chandler is a bigamist who pays you to clean his bedroom?"

"What?" Ross and Phoebe both asked even more confused.

"Ok," Monica nodded, trying to calm the situation as she went to the freezer, grabbing an icepack and placing it on Chandler's nose. He winced, trying to bat her away but she gave him a stern look before addressing the others, "I'm sorry I lied to you Rachel and yes, Ross found out."

"Found out what?" Phoebe asked starting to get seriously annoyed. "Someone better tell me what's going on or I will kick some butt."

Chandler blinked in surprise.

"Monica and Chandler are dating," Ross supplied meekly, breaking the silence as he took the kitchen chair opposite them.

"Really? Since when?" Phoebe's eyes went to the couple in question, watching as Monica fussed over him some more, her arms going around his shoulders as he invited her to sit on his lap.

Seeing that neither Monica nor Chandler were about to answer, Ross stepped in again, "Since five months ago, tonight's an anniversary apparently."

Chandler glanced at Monica around his icepack. Some anniversary this had turned out to be. She met his gaze, reading his mind and offered him a small smile in consolation. She understood. It was good everyone now knew, really it was, but both would have preferred to have tonight for themselves.

"So what happened?" Rachel gestured to the state of Chandler's nose, although she was pretty sure she could put the pieces together herself.

"I was out with some work people," Ross started the tale. "They thought it would be healthy for me to socialize with them whilst I'm on sabbatical," he shrugged clearly not agreeing with their logic. "There were just a few of us left and one of the guys suggested we go to this club, so we all agreed. When we got there I kinda lost them."

"They blew you off?" Phoebe laughed.

"No!" he protested, "I'm sure they just hooked up with some women or something. Anyhow, I started to look for them. It was crowded and I couldn't see them at the bar, or at any of the tables, so I started looking on the dancefloor and that's when I saw Chandler…" he was aware of all four pairs of eyes on him, "…doing _that_ to my little sister. I just lost it and went straight up to him and….punched him."

"You punched him?" Much to Chandler's disbelief Phoebe seemed impressed, "I didn't think you had it in you." She studied Ross' face critically, "you've not got a single mark. Did Chandler not get one in himself?"

"Hey," Chandler protested, his voice a little muffled, "I had no time to defend myself. I was dancing with my girlfriend…"

"Dancing?" It was Ross' turn to protest, "Your tongue was down her throat and your hand was on her ass. That's _not_ dancing."

"It is in my book," Phoebe wiggled her eyebrows, making a weird purring clucking sound.

Chandler frowned a little and Monica stroked his hair in comfort.

"His tongue and hand had every right to be there," Monica stated, meeting his eyes and sharing a smile. She had very much been enjoying where his talented tongue and hands had been, damn over protective Ross.

"I can't believe you punched him!" Rachel shook her head. "You!"

"It was the heat of the moment kinda thing. I've apologized and we're good," his eyes landed on Chandler questioningly, "right?"

"Right," he offered him a smile back as Monica's fingertips continued to gently caress his hair. "We're fine." And they were. It wasn't the way he wanted Ross to find out about them but at least everything had settled down already. Everyone knew about them, the hiding and secrecy was over…it felt weird.

Rachel shook her head at Ross before turning her attention to her roommate, "So, I'm gonna want more details about you guys, Joey was useless."

"Joey?" Ross asked and she nodded.

"Wait, I'm last to know? Out of everyone?" Phoebe questioned pissed, her eyes glaring daggers at them both, before moving specifically to target Chandler, "you told your roommate and not the rest of us?"

"I, uh," Chandler swallowed nervously.

"Oh, Joey found out a long time ago," Rachel cut in, her gossip mode booting up instantly, "see they went away for this weekend together but Joey found out and busted them." She started to rack her brain for the little information she did know, "let's see they got together in London-"

"London? At my wedding?" Ross frowned, suddenly looking like he was going to punch Chandler again. Chandler swallowed again.

"Yeah, but he really doesn't know much, just tried to cover for them. Oh, remember all that weird stuff with the naked photo and urgh those underpants- they were yours," she also glared at Chandler causing him to swallow nervously for a third time, feeling he was on trial here. "Joey doesn't really know much, mostly just about where they've done it."

"You tell Joey about our sex life?" Monica asked, whacking his shoulder, also glaring at him.

"Wh-? No!" How had this happened? How had he gone from the innocent victim to the bad guy in a matter of minutes? Feeling all their glares on him he removed the icepack and addressed the most important person first, "Mon, I don't give Joey any details," he promised quietly, pouting a little before lowering his voice even more. "It's _so_ damn good it's hard not to brag about it but I don't tell him much. I promise."

As hoped, she caved instantly. She found it hard to resist his puppy-dog look at the best of times, it was even harder with his bruised face. She hugged him tightly, pulling back to offer him a large smile before leaning forwards to place a careful, gentle kiss on his lips.

"I wish I could kiss you properly," she whispered in his ear.

He close his eyes, his desire from earlier back with full force. He would love nothing more than to kiss her, even in front of their curious friends but he knew he couldn't. Even if they were careful to avoid his nose, as soon as he got lost in the kiss he knew it would get knocked, bringing an unpleasant end to any make-out session. Damn overprotective Ross.

"You know," he whispered as a thought suddenly came to him, "it's only my lips and nose you can't kiss. The rest of me is working just fine."

She pulled away enough to meet his sparkling eyes, a wicked grin on her face, accompanying his cheeky one. She turned to the frowning gang, "right, well, as fun as tonight has been, we're going to call it a night."

The others' frowns deepened.

"What?" Ross asked.

"But we have questions," Rachel protested.

"Lots of questions," Phoebe nodded.

"Then you'll just have to save them for another day," Monica answered sweetly as she helped Chandler up. "I'm gonna help Chandler get out of these dirty clothes and then we are gonna celebrate our anniversary. Possibly for the rest of the weekend."

Chandler's face went giddy as the others cringed.

"All weekend?" he whispered in her ear excitedly at the same time Rachel asked the exact same question.

"Yuh huh," she answered him quietly with a seductive smile, ignoring her roommate, "we have to enjoy the fact we aren't a secret anymore...unless you have other plans?"

"Hell no!" he promised, thrilled as she took his hand firmly and led him towards the apartment door. "We can leave a sock on the door for Joey," he winked. "Enjoy the rest of the weekend, guys!" he called over his shoulder ignoring their protests.

He'd been right before, this was officially, hands down, the best Friday night ever.

* * *

A/N- I hope you enjoyed this silly one. I usually write Ross' reaction being a lot calmer but I figured if this was how he found out he probably would react more like he did on the show (especially given how much he had going on in season 5).

Plus, I'm mega excited today as the tickets to Matthew's West End play arrived in the post. Yeah! Roll on March! Thanks again to Chloe for letting me know about it and if anyone's near London check it out :o)

As always, thanks for reading my ramblings and any feedback is really appreciated!


	12. TOW Detective Buffay

TOW Detective Buffay

Set season 5 when only Joey knows. Silly humor/ Fluff

* * *

"Well, which of you is it?" Phoebe demanded as she marched into Central Perk, "tell me!"

The five friends exchanged bewildered glances. Admittedly, post-pregnant Phoebe wasn't quite as scary as before, most of the mood swings had gone…but still, it was _Phoebe_ …and an angry Phoebe at that.

"What, uh, what are you talking about Phoebs?" Monica decided to be the brave one.

"I've just come back from my psychic appointment," the blonde announced, claiming the empty armchair, "and she told me that two of my best friends are keeping a massive secret from me."

Two of the gang shook their heads in denial whilst the other three grimaced, resisting sharing guilty looks between them.

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked unconvinced. "I mean, if anyone here was keeping a secret then I'd know about it. I know all the group gossip."

Ross scoffed, causing the attention to shift to him.

"What are you hiding, Geller?" Phoebe warned, her blue eyes narrowing suspiciously.

The paleontologist's eyes widened in fright.

"No, no, no," he protested, raising a hand in defense, " _I'm_ not keeping any big secrets."

"Well, two of you are," her eyes went around the group, one-by-one holding each in place and scrutinizing their souls. Chandler shifted uncomfortably, it was more than a little disconcerting.

"Are you sure she isn't wrong again?" Joey suggested, trying to cover for his friends.

"Nuh huh," she shook her head adamantly, "she was _very_ sure. She said it was something linked with another country…"

They all blinked surprised.

"Oh right, that's me," Chandler deadpanned, "I forgot to tell you, I'm moving back to Yemen."

The others smiled apart from Phoebe who just glared at him. Now was obviously not the time for jokes. Opps.

"What do you mean by 'another country'?" Rachel asked perplexed, "I mean, I went to Greece and we all went to London but that was a while ago and nothing happened there."

Again, Monica and Chandler avoided looking at each other, as did Joey. They all tried to keep their faces neutral, innocent even.

"Well," Rachel continued, "apart from Ross getting his second divorce."

"Hey!" he protested as Rachel shrugged back innocently.

"Did she say anything else?" Monica asked curiously, managing to keep the worry from her voice.

"She pictured lots of things _very_ vividly," she nodded causing Chandler to frown disturbed. "It's something important, so they are hiding it; scared that if its exposed it could be damaged...but she said it's a good secret; a very happy secret."

"Ooh," Joey made a show of snapping his fingers, "is anyone pregnant?"

"Again, sorry," Chandler commented sarcastically, "that would be me."

Suddenly Phoebe's eyes were locked onto him and eventually he shrugged apologetically at her; her intense gaze made him uneasy.

"You," she finally spoke, still looking closely at him, "you use humor as a defense mechanism. What are you hiding?"

"N-nothing!" Chandler protested, swallowing nervously. She didn't know, she didn't know, she didn't know; he tried to keep the mantra running through his head. "Come on, my life sucks, I have nothing worth hiding." He hoped Monica wouldn't take offence.

"You won't tell us your middle name," she pointed out raising an eyebrow.

"But-" Chandler looked incredulous, "that's nothing to do with anything! My middle name is _definitely_ not a good secret; trust me, no good will ever come from it."

She continued to stare at him, causing him to be very uncomfortable, squirming slightly.

"But aren't you psychic?" Rachel asked, unknowingly rescuing Chandler as Phoebe turned her attention to her. "Can't you just, like, read our minds and find out who's lying to you or something?"

"That's true…" Phoebe considered. "I am a _little_ psychic. Right, well you better all have your mind shields turned fully up and wear lots of tin-foil hats, as I'm going to be trespassing in all of your heads until I discover the truth."

"Tin-foil?" Joey asked confused.

"Yeah," Phoebe nodded casually, "it helps dampen the brainwaves being transmitted from a person, therefore blocking the person trying to read them."

"That's ridiculous," Ross complained with a scoff.

"Please, it's a known fact," Phoebe said matter-of-factly. "And you call yourself a scientist."

As Ross spluttered, turning red, Monica and Chandler exchanged a worried look. This was going to make things interesting…

* * *

"What's that?" Monica asked in a hushed whisper, as Chandler crept into her bedroom that night with something in his hands.

"Tin-foil," he whispered back, "extra strength…that's gotta help right?"

She couldn't help but chuckle as he slid under the covers.

"You're serious?" she asked as he started to pull the roll out and rip off a square.

"Oooh yes," he informed her, "deadly serious. You don't want Phoebe discovering us and then exposing it to the world do you?"

"The world?" she teased, "isn't that a little dramatic? You think the world would actually care about us dating? Besides your boss, my boss, Joey and the burrito guy on 5th all know about us already."

He blinked at her, "you think both our works, Joey and the burrito guy on 5th counts as the whole world? Who do you think the World War was between? The chefs and the business men?"

She stuck her tongue out in response, laughing when a moment later a tin-foil hat was pressed firmly onto her head.

"Chandler!" she laughed. "I'm not wearing this."

"Look," he reasoned, "if she can read our minds normally, how loud do you think our brainwaves will be screaming when we're having sex!"

"We won't be having sex if you're wearing that," she insisted. "It's stupid. Besides, I thought you didn't believe in mind reading?"

"I don't," he shrugged a little self-consciously, "but I also don't wanna tempt fate. It's going really well between us and if the others find out...well, it might jinx it or something."

"Honey," she took off both their make-shift hats and placed them on the bedside cabinets, "that's really sweet," she promised, her hand stroking his cheek, "but she can't read minds and even if she could, a piece of kitchen foil isn't going to change that. Now, let's get down to business and if she can read our minds…then let's give her a damn good show."

He laughed as she pulled him down for a long hard kiss. Thoughts of Phoebe's mission quickly flying out of his mind as she continued to kiss him, her talented hands running down his body.

Yep, Phoebe could wait.

* * *

"I'm exhausted!" Phoebe announced as she entered the boys' apartment and collapsed in the empty Barcalounger.

"How come?" Joey asked from the other recliner, looking up from his comic.

"Well, the mind reading wasn't working," Phoebe admitted, "and I don't get to see my psychic for another two weeks and I can't wait that long to find out, so I've decided to take matters into my own hands."

Joey raised an eyebrow.

"Spying," she clarified.

Joey frowned, "you're spying on us?"

"Well, I'm not spying on _you,_ " she promised, "I know you wouldn't lie to me Joseph." She didn't tell him that he was also so bad at lying, that she'd be able to tell if he was hiding anything from her.

"So who have you spied on?" he asked curiously, praying she hadn't fallen across Monica and Chandler's secret.

"I thought I'd start with Ross," she said, "I thought there would be a chance he was looking for wife number 3 or back with Rachel."

He nodded with her logic, trying to hide his relief, "And?"

"He isn't," she sighed, "he spent the entire time I was following him going between museums and the library. It was soooo boring! What is wrong with him?"

He chuckled, agreeing with her, something was wrong with the man if that's how he chose to spend his time, "Anyone else?"

"I thought maybe Ross was just good at covering his tracks, so I moved onto Rachel."

"And?"

"She went on two dates, so I'm guessing she's trying really hard to move on from him," Phoebe told him, "and the rest of the time was spent between work, shopping and having her nails done. You know, I might follow her again - it was fun!"

"Great," Joey agreed, hoping she did stick with Rachel.

"But..." Phoebe continued and Joey sighed, "I should really move on from her and get back to business...so, I guess the next question is Monica or Chandler..."

Joey resisted the urge to tell her that it didn't matter which one she followed, she'd find the same thing...unless he could intervene.

"Start with Chandler," he tried to suggest casually. It would be easier for him to warn his roommate, plus hopefully Phoebe would get bored quickly with Chandler's daily activities.

"Ok," she nodded, "and maybe I can discover his middle name while I'm at it? You know, I think I should do undercover work in my spare time. P I Buffay!"

He faked a smile as Phoebe gathered her coat and waved goodbye. No doubt off to start her next spying session...

* * *

"Chandler Bing!" He answered casually picking up his office phone.

"Chandler! It's me," a voice hissed.

"Joey?"

"Sshh!" he admonished. "She may have your phone bugged."

"What?" Chandler frowned, "Who?" What the hell was he talking about? "Have you been watching James Bond again?"

"No!" He hissed impatiently. "Phoebe's spying on you!"

"On me?" he asked, "why?"

"Because she's still obsessed by what her psychic told her! She's convinced she's being lied to and is determined to catch you out. She's already spied on Ross and Rachel and now you're next!"

"Crap!"

"I know," Joey agreed. "You guys have got to be careful otherwise not only will she discover the truth but she'll be pissed at you both and _me_ for covering for you. She'll probably be so mad she'd do what her friend did and place a curse on us or something!"

Chandler shuddered, imagining Phoebe following her friends' footsteps and turning his thingy green.

"That's an invasion of our privacy!" Chandler protested. "She can't spy on her friends."

"Dude, its Phoebe. She can and she will. Just be careful ok…and you didn't hear it from me."

With that the phone clicked off leaving a bemused Chandler staring at the receiver. Huh.

* * *

"Chandler?" Monica whispered as she casually slid next to him at the counter at Central Perk, "are you alright? What's going on? What's with the cryptic note?"

Chandler hushed her, glancing quickly at their friends on the couch; they seem engrossed in whatever conversation they were having.

"We're being followed," he warned her in a serious tone.

Her eyes widened in alarm as she too glanced over her shoulder, scanning the coffee shop for suspects, "by who?" she asked quietly.

"Phoebe," he hissed. "She's determined to find out about our secret and expose us."

"So the tin foil didn't work?" she teased, a little more relaxed now she knew who was spying on her. She could handle Phoebe.

"Oh, it worked," he informed her. "It worked too well. As she can't read our minds she's resorted to spying on us!"

"Relax," Monica scoffed, "we've managed to keep it hidden from her for months. We're pros at it."

"We suck at it!" he shot back. "It's only because no one expects us to be doing this that we haven't been caught. Look how careless we were with that weekend away- it was pure luck that only Joey overheard it."

"That was ages ago," she waved a hand dismissing his concern. "Look, we'll do a few things to throw her off the track and it will all blow over and be forgotten about. You'll see."

He didn't look totally convinced but he was eager to do anything to get Phoebe off their backs.

"Ok…so what's the plan?"

* * *

Chandler leaned casually against the streetlight pretending to read his newspaper. He could feel himself being watched but when he glanced up from the printed words, he couldn't spot her. She was good at this; he just hoped he was better.

He waited for a few more moments, before discreetly glancing at his watch. Just a few more minutes….

The time came and as nonchalantly as he could, he folded the paper under one arm and started walking along the sidewalk towards the entrance to the park. He made sure he was in position just as the number 17 bus went pass as scheduled.

Phoebe watched as a large bus passed him, blocking her view of him for just a few seconds. She blinked in surprise as Chandler vanished. Frowning, her eyes darted from face to face but she couldn't see him anywhere in the crowd. How could the man just disappear? She spun around, had he crossed the street?

Confused, she looked around a few more times before cursing his name and heading home.

"We did it!" Monica giggled from behind the bush as she watched Phoebe walking away defeated.

"Yeah we did!" he grinned, grabbing her down to sit beside him on the grass, their backs to the large shrub. They felt like a pair of teenagers hiding from their parents. It was quite exciting.

"So…" Chandler smiled cheekily, "wanna neck?"

She laughed heartedly before pulling him down for a kiss.

Diversion 1 complete.

* * *

"Guess who has themselves a date," Monica announced as she walked into her apartment, ready for diversion 2 to begin.

The girls heads shot up, Ross grimaced, not really liking anyone dating his baby sister, Joey just looked confused and Chandler...tried not to sulk.

"Who with?" Rachel asked excitedly, "Oh, is it the cute guy from the restaurant you told us about?"

Chandler frowned, she was talking about people?

"Yeah, that's the one, he's cute and really sweet," she told them, "I didn't think he was interested but I think he was just shy."

Chandler just glared at her, narrowing his eyes, she was getting into this role-playing a little too much for his liking.

"Where's he taking you?" Phoebe asked intrigued.

"Marcios," she said, she even sounded genuinely excited which worried him slightly.

"Oooh, if you have sex with him you can finally break that dry spell."

Chandler clenched his jaw slightly, trying to block out the conversation. She wasn't going to sleep with him. The guy was gay and only going along with this in order to have a free dinner and ogle the waiter he liked. No sex involved. And there was definitely no dry spell, nope, no way.

"We're going out tonight," she informed them, trying not to smile as she watched Phoebe make a mental note. "We're meeting at 7pm," she might as well make it easy for her…it was all for her show after all.

"You have to let us know everything!" Rachel gushed, " _Every_ little detail!"

Chandler gritted his teeth getting up from the couch and heading to the sink with his coffee cup.

"What's going on?" Joey asked as he came to stand next to his roommate. "You guys are seeing other people now? Because if it isn't an exclusive thing maybe me and Monica could-"

"No!" he snapped, a little too loudly, glancing over his shoulder to ensure the others hadn't heard his little outburst. "No," he said more quietly this time, "it's just a ploy to throw Phoebe off the scent."

"Ah," Joey nodded in understanding, "good one."

"Yeah, thanks," he muttered.

"Wasn't your idea?" Joey guessed with a smirk.

"It _was_ my idea," he corrected, "but there wasn't meant to be an _actual_ guy. She was meant to get stood up but she wouldn't agree to that," he rolled his eyes remembering the argument.

"You can't be jealous of your own plan, dude," his roommate laughed, "that's crazy."

"I know," he grumbled, with a shrug, "and I'm not jealous exactly, I'm just...not thrilled."

Joey patted his shoulder, "just remember it's worth it," shaking his head he went back into the living room.

Chandler sighed, it was worth it and he knew it wasn't real but all the same, he really didn't want to hear any more about it. Just the thought of Monica dating another man didn't do his insecurities any good.

"I'm gonna go check on the chick and duck," he announced to no one in particular as he made his way out of the apartment, closing the door on the excited gossiping.

As he entered his apartment he kept his word, glancing at the poultry where they sat contentedly on the floor by the couch. They looked ok.

With a sigh, he went to collapse in his Barcalounger but stopped as his noticed an envelope with his name on the front was sitting in his spot. Had Phoebe discovered something and was toying with him? With a slight frown he picked it up and took the now empty seat. He flipped the envelope around in his hands before slicing the seal open. An instant smile came to his face as he read the neat handwriting;

 _R_ e _member none of it is real. It's you that I wanna be with you insecure doofus xxx_

He laughed, focusing on the sentiment opposed to the insult. It should freak him out that she knew him so well; knew that he'd get jealous, but it didn't. It just made his smile widen and gave him a warm feeling inside. He loved that she not only knew him well enough, but cared enough to comfort him.

With the stupid grin firmly on his face, he turned on the television, flicking through the channels. She could fake date whoever she liked...she was with _him_ for real.

* * *

"So, Monica," Joey grinned over breakfast, "how was your date last night?"

Chandler shot him a look unsure if he was trying to help the act in front of Phoebe or if he was just trying to wind him up. He expected the latter.

"It was good thanks," Monica shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "He was nice and stuff but I'm not sure if I'll be seeing him again."

"But you brought him home-" Phoebe started, widening her eyes as everyone looked at her.

"How do you know that?" Ross frowned, not really enjoying the subject.

"I was just um…"

"She probably heard you!" Rachel stated. "You were so loud she could probably hear you from her apartment."

Monica fought a blush as Chandler tried to hide his proud grin. Whenever they stayed at Monica's they always had to keep quiet for fear of Rachel discovering them. With the date as the perfect cover, they'd snuck Eric out and then had taken full advantage. Monica had challenged him to try and make her as loud as possible and Chandler had been more than eager to comply.

"Eew," Ross screwed his face up as Phoebe and Joey looked impressed.

"Seriously," Rachel continued, "I've never heard you that vocal before. At one point-"

"Rachel," Monica warned.

"You had that good time a in bed with him but don't want to see him again?" Phoebe frowned.

"It was like he was two different guys," Monica shot Chandler a secret look, "the guy at the restaurant was a bit blah but the guy in the bedroom was pretty amazing."

Chandler tried not to look smug. He really did but it was hard when someone like Monica was singing his praises.

"Monica give him another chance," Rachel insisted, "even if he isn't quite right at least get a few more nights like that out of him!"

"Was he really that good?" Chandler couldn't resist any longer, amused by the glares that both Gellers shot him.

"He certainly knew what he was doing," Monica shrugged.

"Well, if you do decide to see him again, give me some notice so I can arrange to stay over at Phoebe's," Rachel requested.

Chandler and Monica instantly shared excited smiles.

"In that case I probably will see him again," Monica decided much to Chandler's delight. A whole night to themselves at apartment 20. He wondered how quickly Monica could arrange it.

Diversion 2 complete.

* * *

A few days later a happy Chandler sat at his office desk, glancing at the clock. Not long now and Monica would be here for lunch. He grinned at the thought. The last few days had been weird, having to play cat and mouse with Phoebe; it had been as exciting as it was frustrating, but she had clients booked back to back this afternoon, so he and Monica could actually go out for a nice lunch somewhere. The weather was good so maybe the park, or there was a new cafe not too far away, which might be nice to try. Either way he didn't care...he was getting to spend some quality time alone with Monica. Monica.

He heard his office door swing open and smiled, "hey honey, I -" the greeting died on his lips as he turned and froze.

"Oh, hi sweetums," Phoebe laughed back. Crap.

"Phoebs!" he tried to cover quickly, "sorry, I, uh, I thought you were my secretary."

"You call your secretary 'honey'?"

"Sure," he tried to appear calm and casual as her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "We've really bonded these last few months."

It was at that exact moment that, of course, his stone-faced bag of a receptionist appeared, placing a large pile of files onto his recently emptied desk. He wasn't pleased to see her or the extra work.

"From Mr Stone's office," she informed him crisply as she turned.

He had no choice...

"Thanks...honey," he cringed awaiting her reaction.

Luckily, she just frowned a little but continued exiting his office. He was known for his odd-ball sense of humor. He let out a relieved breath, catching it as he remembered Phoebe was still in the room.

"So, uh, what are you doing here? I thought you had appointments all afternoon?"

"Keeping an eye on me?" she asked and he swallowed nervously.

"No I-"

"Relax I was joking," she laughed, "You're on edge today! My 12 o'clock cancelled because he has a lunch date…with my 1 o'clock, they met last week and took a shine to each other. So, as I have a long lunch and was nearby, I thought I'd see if you were free?"

"Oh um-"

He had to get rid of her before...

"Hi…guys," In fairness to Monica, she got over the shock a lot quicker than he had.

"Hi Monica, what are you doing here?" Phoebe asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

Chandler prayed she wouldn't do the math.

"Meeting Chandler and Joey for lunch," she ad-libbed. Chandler raised his eyebrows impressed. "You?"

"I was going to see if Chandler was free as his office is nearest, but yeah, we can all go!"

She looked excited as behind her Chandler shot Monica and admiring smile.

"Great," Monica faked a smile, "say Chandler, why don't you ring Joey and make sure he hasn't forgotten again. Me and Phoebe will start heading out."

"Yeh, good idea." It was a great idea. She was actually getting quite good at this covering up thing.

The girls left the office with Monica throwing him a little regretful smile which he returned. Damn Phoebe. With a sigh he grabbed his phone and speed dialed his apartment.

"Hey Joey," he greeted, "I need you to do us a favor. Can you come down to my office, like now?"

"Why?" Joey asked confused, not really wanting to have to get up and do anything. He was comfortable

"Because Phoebe's almost caught us and we need to use you for cover. Like it was arranged between the three of us already, so she doesn't suspect anything. Please?"

"But…" he whined.

"Free food Joey," Chandler said simply knowing his roommate's weakness. "You can eat as much as you want…all paid for."

"I'll be there in 10."

"Thanks, man," he tried but the line was already disconnected.

With another sigh he headed out for his not quite as planned lunchhour.

Impromptu diversion 3 was very much in progress.

* * *

"Hey!"

Monica wasn't surprised to see Chandler lurking outside her restaurant that night, but she was surprised by the unexpected hat and sun glasses. Especially given how dark it was.

"Chandler," she laughed, "what the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm in disguise, I'm just being careful," he muttered, grabbing her hand and leaning her down the alley at the side of the restaurant.

"A little too careful," she smiled as they came to an abrupt halt.

She watched as he looked both ways before backing her against the wall. His hands moved to her hips, his thumbs gently stroking.

"Hey," he greeted softly, that cute little smile on his face.

"Hey," she greeted back, removing his sunglasses so she could see his gorgeous blue eyes, "could you even see with these on?" she teased as she tucked them into his coat pocket.

"Not really," he admitted, "I'm just glad I grabbed the right woman or that would be one hell of a law suit," he chuckled, "but it was worth the risk. As lunch was such a bust, I was desperate to see you, so I thought it would be best to bring precautions to trick Phoebe."

She was still chuckling when he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Her arms slid around his neck, tugging him closer as she felt him press her against the brick wall, molding their bodies together. She sunk into the kiss, unable to get enough of him, enough of them together. It was incredible.

"Ever done it in an alley?" he whispered against her ear and she couldn't help but laugh. This more than made up for lunch.

Diversion 4 was very much in progress and proving very much more fun than diversion 3.

* * *

"That's it!" Phoebe announced a few days later as she and Joey left Central Perk and entered the apartment building.

"What's it?" he asked confused as they started the stairs.

"I give up!" she explained. "My psychic must be wrong or I'm just a rubbish PI. No one is hiding anything...well, anything important anyway...I've found out a few little secrets about people that have good blackmail potential."

"What?" Joey frowned.

"Don't worry, I won't use any of it whilst we're all still friends," she rolled her eyes as if obvious. Blackmail was no good until one of was famous or had money.

He still didn't look too convinced, "but you're finally quitting this spying game?" he insisted as they continued up the stairwell.

"I have no choice," she admitted and Joey tried to hide his smile. Thank God. He knew Chandler was getting annoyed with the extra scrutiny. "I have my own life to lead and as fun as it's been I really need to get back to it. I'll have to wait and see what my psychic reveals at my next appointment. I mean there's simply no evidence." They reached the right floor and entered the hallway between apartments 19 and 20. "I've followed everyone, spied, investigated, read their minds and...nadda, ziltch, nowt..."

"Well, I'm glad you've given up," he told her as he unlocked his apartment door, "because, I'm telling you, no one is hiding anything…"

The words died on his lips as he pushed the door open and both of them froze, taking in the scene.

"You were saying?" Phoebe commented amused as Monica and Chandler scrambled around desperately for their clothes. They had been literally exposed.

"Phoebs," Chandler greeted, as he zipped up his pants, "funny, er, funny story."

"Save it Bing," she laughed, "you are soooo busted." She turned to Joey with a fully satisfied smirk, "I was right originally, I make a damn good PI."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed :o) Thanks for all the lovely feedback and suggestions.


	13. TOW No Escape

TOW No Escape

Set season five during TOW Everyone finds out. It's after the whole seduction game and the classic 'I'm in love with Monica' scene, but before Ross sees them through the window. Slight AU. Humor (hopefully).

* * *

Ross groaned as he slowly regained consciousness, grimacing as he heard some loud banging, clattering and... _squealing_...coming from the next room? What the heck was going on? Where was he? Wearily, he pried open an eye and took in his surroundings. Hmm, he was lying on a very comfortable bed but whose? It took his foggy brain a long moment before realization dawned; this was Rachel's room…

Frowning at his situation he gingerly pushed himself up. His head protested instantly at the sudden movement, the room spinning so, with a groan, he laid straight back down again. What the hell was he doing here?

"So, come on we want to hear _everything_!" he heard Rachel say excitedly from the other room. No doubt she was responsible for some of those damn squealing noises.

"And we mean everything!" Phoebe also squealed; what was it with girls? "We need details Monica, lots and lots of details."

"I'll tell you everything," he heard his sister promise, "but let's start making those cocktails first."

He heard more banging around and winced as the girls none-too-quietly starting preparing their drinks. Drink. Right, he remembered now. He'd been depressed by the fact that his boss Donald, still didn't think he was ready to come back to work at the museum. Ross had complained, admittedly a little too loudly, and had got sent to see that damn therapist again.

The shrink had helpfully told him he needed to calm down and relax. He'd given him some more of those 'magic' pills; those combined with the amount of pepto-bismol already in his system had made him feel…funny. Feeling awful and beyond woozy, he'd made his way in a haze to the girls' apartment. For once no one was around and Ross had desperately needed somewhere to lie down.

Crap. Why hadn't he gone to the boys' couch? Why Rachel's bedroom of all places? She would be pissed and the others would all make fun of him. How the hell was he going to get out of this? Well, he couldn't just walk out there now, especially as they seemed to be in major gossip mode about something. His head was too delicate and couldn't cope with them in their current excited mood.

No, for now it would be best to just stay here. If she came in then he'd pretend to be fast asleep and face the consequences, but maybe, just maybe, they would fall asleep in the living room and he could sneak out? Or maybe they'd go over to Phoebe's? He mentally crossed his fingers.

"I still can't believe you two are dating!"

Ross frowned at Rachel's words which he assumed were aimed at his little sister. Monica was dating someone? Since when and why didn't he know about it?

"I know," Monica confirmed, her smile evident in her voice.

"I can't believe he loves you," Phoebe gushed, "that he actually declared it in front of everyone and my god, he looked so happy about it. He was positively beaming!"

Someone was in love with her? Monica? He wondered who they were talking about.

"I'm with Phoebe," Rachel declared, "dating you certainly agrees with him and you! I've never seen you so smiley."

"You're positively glowing," Phoebe agreed. "Wait, you aren't pregnant are you?"

Pregnant? Suddenly, he was _very_ interested in this conversation. If someone had knocked up his little sister...

"No! Of course I'm not and don't make jokes about that. Especially not around Chandler."

Why would Chandler care? Sure, he was stupidly close to Monica, always had been and Chandler would be as pissed as Ross if someone took advantage of her. Maybe he knew the guy and didn't approve? It was possible. Chandler always secretly screened Monica's boyfriends. He did it in a subtle way; he probably wasn't even aware that Ross knew he did it. But Ross did know and appreciated it.

"And," Monica continued, "I just wanna say I'm sorry for not telling you guys sooner and for lying to you, Rach. When you confronted me, I just panicked I guess, you caught me off guard. Joey already knew and I couldn't deal with you knowing as well, because that would be over half the group knowing. I really wanted to tell you guys though. It's been so weird not being able to talk to my girls about this. Especially all the good bits!"

Monica had kept this guy a secret from Phoebe and Rachel? Why?

"Why did you even keep it a secret?"

Good question.

"Well, at first we didn't really know where it was going. It seemed like such a big risk and we didn't want any additional pressure. We wanted to see where it went before we told people but then it started going so well and we kinda thought it was because it was a secret, which sounds silly now. And then, well, there's Ross."

Ross blinked surprised. What did he have to do with anything?

"I can understand why you don't want to tell him," Rachel commented. "I can't believe you guys slept together at his wedding."

Ross' frown deepened, his head starting to hurt again in confusion. Who had slept with whom at his wedding? Why was he only hearing about it now after all these months?

"It was technically the night before his wedding and it's not like we planned it. We didn't stop and think, oh what would Ross like for a wedding present, hmm, how about me and Chandler hooking up- happy wedding day bro."

Ross bolted upright, wincing at the pain that shot through him. A hand went to his forehead to try and ease the sudden pounding in his skull. Monica and Chandler? Chandler was who they were talking about? They'd slept with each other in London? At his wedding? And now they were secretly dating...and in love with each other?

Chandler? His best friend?

Monica continued, oblivious to her brother's confusion in the next room, "I was feeling down that night and he was being unbelievably sweet; he called me beautiful and it just happened and I can't tell you how glad I am it did. Seriously, I can't imagine not being with him. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. I've never felt this good in a relationship before, ever, even with Richard."

Wow.

"Wow," Phoebe echoed him. "Really?"

"Really," Monica said, her smile coming through clearly, "it's just all so incredible; _he's_ incredible. I know we're both a little neurotic and well, crazy at times, but he's just so...I don't even know how to describe it. I mean he's everything I've ever wanted. We just click perfectly. I don't know why it took us so long to realize it but falling in love with your best friend is amazing."

"When it works," Rachel muttered and Ross winced a little.

"I think it will work," Phoebe commented thoughtfully, "when I saw you through the window I thought you were just doing it. But seeing you together earlier. The way he looked at you, the way he held you, Monica you can tell he's completely crazy about you."

Ross smiled a little as he heard their giggling through the wall. It was a lot to take in, a complete shock, but if anyone was going to treat Monica well it was Chandler. He was a good guy, looked out for her and apparently he made her happy. It sounded like they were really serious about each other and he couldn't remember his sister sounding so thrilled before. It was kinda nice.

"You're so cute together, too!"

"Thanks," he could tell Monica was blushing. "I can't believe just how cute he is. Before London he was Chandler, you know? But now he's suddenly _Chandler_! Every time I see him I get these little butterflies in my stomach and when he smiles at me my heart honestly does this little skippy-thing which, I thought was just made up in the movies. I know it's so stupid because I've known him for years but now it's just all so different and exciting."

She had it bad, Ross realized. He just hoped Chandler had fallen just as hard. He'd hate to see her hurt again.

"I remember that with Ross," Rachel commented pulling his thoughts away from Monica and Chandler and onto his own relationships. Past relationships. They hadn't worked out, they just weren't right for each other, well at that point in their lives. But people changed. He still felt a strong connection to Rachel and he was sure she felt it too. Who knew what the future held for them? "It's like you wake up one day and see him in a whole different light."

He heard a loud snort, "you can say that again," Monica laughed and Ross couldn't help but wonder just how many cocktails they were getting through. "We could barely look each other in the eye when we woke up together that first morning. Ross walking in on us didn't help."

Ross screwed his face up at that. Eww.

"He walked in on you?" Phoebe asked. "How did you manage to get away with it? Surely, even as oblivious as Ross is, he'd have to had noticed that!"

He frowned slightly at the 'oblivious' comment.

"We heard him coming at the last second and I hid under the covers," she giggled again. Yep she was definitely getting tipsy. Great. As if all the girl talk wasn't bad enough, it was gonna turn into _drunk_ girl talk. He shuddered.

"You know," Monica continued still giggling, "even Joey walked in on us too that night, just as we were getting started. It's a wonder we were able to sleep together at all with all the interruptions."

"Really?" Rachel asked surprised. "Surely _he_ must have known what was going on? All the man thinks about is sex! He can sense it a mile off."

"Again, I hid under the covers," she confessed. "He was more focused on getting back to his own sex with the other bridesmaid. He just wanted to steal Chandler's condoms though. Thank god I had some in my purse as Joey only left him one," she chuckled.

Too much information.

"You needed more than one?" Phoebe asked sounding intrigued.

Why would she ask that? They didn't need to know that!

"Oh god yes, add another six."

As the girls went back to excited squealing, that's when it hit him. Not only was he stuck in his ex-girlfriend's bedroom, listening about his little sister's relationship with his best friend...they were gonna actually talk _details_. Details. If they discussed Chandler's girth he may way kill himself.

Cringing, he grabbed a pillow and placed it over his head, trying to block the conversation out.

"Seriously, it was the best night ever. It was electric! I've never clicked with someone like that. Every time was better than the time before and that first time was pretty damn hot. We were on fire, just couldn't get enough of each other."

The pillow wasn't working. As the girl's excited squeals got louder he started to bash his hand against his already painful forehead. Why god, why?

Maybe he could make it out the window.

"Wow, impressive," Phoebe commented, "I didn't think Chandler had it in him."

Who cared if there was no fire escape...

"Ooooh he does. _Believe_ me. I didn't expect it either but the man is very very talented. He knows when to be tender and when to be passionate."

They did this dirty chuckle thing and more giggling. Ross squeezed his eyes shut; this was worse than the time he was a teenager and his friend Jamie had convinced him it was a good idea to hide a walkie-talkie in Monica's room when she had that sleep over. It had been funny at first until the descriptions of boys, puberty and other gruesome things 13 year old girls talked about slowly filled his ears. He'd shut it off as quickly as he could but he'd been deeply scarred.

He shuddered, he had a feeling this conversation was gonna do permanent damage.

"Oh wait!" Rachel loudly clapped her hands together, startling him. "Was he the secret boyfriend from ages ago? The best you've ever had secret boyfriend? No wonder he did that damn dance on the coffee table."

Monica chuckled, "yep."

Why were they still talking? End of conversation. End of conversation.

"So is he better than Richard?" Phoebe pried. "You never told us. Come on we won't tell!"

Ross shook his head. Jamming his fingers in his ears. He didn't want to know. Really didn't. How was he meant to look Chandler in the eye ever again?

"Well," Monica said coyly, "I did say he was the best I've ever had so what do you think."

They squealed again and Ross was tempted to forget the embarrassment at being discovered. He was past that, too traumatized. He wondered what would happen if he were to just stand up and walk out of the bedroom. He could just imagine the stunned looks on their faces as he passed them casually with a simple nod as he left without saying a word.

He might have to try it if they continued talking like this.

"But it's not just the sex that's great. We've sneaked over and spent almost every night together and even the nights we don't have sex are still amazing. We just cuddle and talk about everything and nothing. It's become my favorite part of the day, just spending some time alone together and being us. This connection between us is so strong and whenever I see him I just wanna touch him and…and I don't know how we managed to hide it as long as we did."

They may still be talking about Monica and Chandler being in the same bed but thank god they weren't talking about their sex-life at the moment. He prayed it would stay this way.

"It's only because we weren't expecting it," Rachel mused. "Plus, you guys have always snuggled up together ever since I joined the gang. You always share a chair or have your arms around each other so you had an easy cover. As soon as I overheard that phonecall and I actually started _looking_ , it was pretty damn obvious that you were bumping uglies."

They all giggled again and Ross had to agree with Rachel. They had always been touchy-feely close and Ross had never given it a second thought. It was just how they were. It went silent for a moment and he heard a few glasses clinking and then a heavy sigh.

"What's the matter?" Phoebe asked.

"It's really dumb," Monica confessed, "but I actually miss him already. Now that you all know there's nothing stopping us being together, I just wanna be with him. Is that bad?"

"Awww, no it's sweet," Phoebe assured her. "I love when relationships are like that!"

"Talking of nothing stopping you," Rachel began, "what about Ross? Now that we all know surely you have to tell him? Someone will slip up eventually. I'm actually amazed Joey was able to keep quiet for so long."

Everyone knew but him? Well, technically even he knew but they didn't know he knew. Shouldn't he be the first to know? It was his best friend and his little sister.

"Yeah, I think I'll be cooking for him for the next year to thank him, he's been pure gold," Monica joked, "and as for Ross...I just don't know. I wanna tell him..."

Ross frowned, she sounded worried, apprehensive.

"I know it's my life," she continued, "and I think once he stops to actually think about it he'll accept it and might even be pleased about, hopefully. His best friend and sister are happy...that should count for something right? I mean I was supportive when you two got together despite having to hear things through the wall that weren't pleasant." Ross blushed a little. "But he's just got so much on his plate right now and I don't want to be responsible for freaking him out and causing him to have a complete break down or something. God, my mother would never let me hear the end of it."

A small smile tugged at his lips. It was nice that Monica cared so much about him but still, he felt a little guilty that she didn't feel she could confide in him. And Chandler too. He wondered how much it was bugging him that he couldn't talk to Ross about all this. Especially, if he was as in love as the girls thought.

"It's better you guys tell him instead of him hearing it from one of us by mistake," Rachel pointed out.

"I know," Monica sighed. "We want him to know, want his blessing...we just don't want to tell him," she finished lamely. "Chandler thinks he may actually try and kill him."

Would he try and kill him if circumstances had been different? If he'd actually noticed her in that hotel bed the morning of his wedding or caught them in a compromising position? Maybe. He'd be mad but if they'd told him face to face, sat him down and explained; would he have been mad then?

"Not if you tell him calmly," Phoebe mused, unconsciously going down the same path Ross had. "Let me know when you're going to do it and I'll book him in for a free massage first and ooooh I'll relax his aura at the same time. Then you and Chandler can come in and tell him whilst he's still putty-like on the table and he won't be able to get mad. He definitely won't want to kill anyone."

"Or," Rachel laughed, "you could slip him one of the happy pills again and buy him some cotton candy. He'll love you."

Hmmm.

"Maybe," Monica sighed, "We'll tell him soon...one day soon. But I'm glad that at least you two officially know, although I could have done without that whole seducing game."

Ross didn't even wanna know.

"It was fun!" Phoebe laughed. "I can't believe we won!"

"It was Chandler that forfeited, not me, but what a way to forfeit! I can't believe he loves me, he's getting the good lovin tonight."

They all giggled as Ross cringed.

"You know what we need?" Phoebe suddenly announced. "Champagne! This is a celebration! We need to celebrate Monica and Chandler!"

Ross winced. Champagne on top of the cocktails? It was gonna get messy…they'd probably end up in a state worse than him.

"We could make it to the store before it closes," Monica sounded keen.

Ross perked up when he heard this. They would leave the apartment...then _he_ could leave the apartment. A possible end to this torture was in sight.

"Let's do it!" Rachel agreed eagerly. "Then you can tell us all about why you needed seven condoms and what makes him so good!"

"And I can tell you about the Central Perk store-closet oh and the time we did it in the changing room at Macy's."

Ross pulled a face, wishing that they'd just shut up and leave.

"You've done it at Central Perk?" Rachel asked. "Was it open? Were we there?"

Damn it, he'd been so close.

"We did it in there twice," Monica giggled. "The first time was so hot and we sneaked out and sat back down, but just one look from him and we had to rush back in there."

Gross.

"Sounds like someone was a little horny."

No no nooooo.

"With him, no question!" Monica admitted.

Uck.

"Um girls, we better get going," Rachel said, "you can tell us more on the way. Come on."

He heard more laughter, some scrambling around and then finally the apartment door closing. Immediately, he was up pressing his ear against the door, straining to hear any signs of life the other side. Silence. He risked opening it a smidge. Nothing. Relieved he pushed it open fully and stepped into the living room.

He took a deep breath. Freedom, sweet sweet freedom.

He paused for a moment to survey the multiple empty glasses, blankets and untouched videos. It looked like they were in for a looooong night, thank god he'd escaped!

Shaking his head he quickly made his way through the apartment and into the hallway. Closing the door behind him he closed his eyes and let out a shudder. That had not been pleasant. He was glad he knew about the couple but _really_ wished he didn't know as much as he did.

Squaring his shoulders he made his way into the boys' apartment and froze as he came face to face with Chandler.

"Hey man," Chandler greeted casually and Ross couldn't help but stare at him. "What?" Chandler frowned.

Ross tried to form a word but it didn't come out. He watched as Chandler exchanged a bewildered look with Joey, "Ross?" he tried again.

"I-I," he shook his head, "congratulations."

Chandler's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, "what?" he asked even more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I know," he repeated, sounding pained to his own ears, "and it's great news, really it is," he promised Chandler's puzzled face, "the best news I've heard all week but just promise me one thing?"

"Um," still completely befuddled, Chandler shot another look to Joey who shrugged before he looked back to Ross and slowly nodded, "sure?"

"Never tell me _any_ details. Ever." Ross looked at him intently and with no clue to what he was promising, Chandler reluctantly nodded. "Good. Right, I _really_ need a shower," Ross shuddered again.

With that he walked off towards the bathroom, leaving a very perplexed Chandler in his path.

"Oh," Ross paused, turning to face the bemused man once again, "by the way, if you were wondering, apparently you're better in bed than Richard."

* * *

A/N - hee hee poor Ross! Thanks so much for all the reviews, favorites and follows for this story. Each one is really appreciated and puts a big smile on my face :o)


	14. TOW the Exes

TOW the Exes

A/N- No your eyes aren't deceiving you, I've actually updated something- yah me! I've been busy working on a few longer ones so hopefully one of those will get posted soon. This fic is a bit of a different tone to the others in this series, it's a bit more angsty but hopefully someone wil enjoy it.

Oh and once again I've had to screw slightly with the timeline… it's after TOW Chandler's Work Laugh, but you have to imagine Rachel hadn't discovered the secret by this point…

* * *

"Oh. My. God!"

The only sign that Chandler had heard her was a slight wince. Other than that he remained still, his head down, shoulders slumped as he stared into his beer glass.

"What are you doing here?" Janice asked loudly, walking up to the previously quiet bar.

He half-shrugged, still not turning to face her or making any attempt to speak to her. He let the background music, which had been on repeat for the last several hours fill the silence. Without invitation, she settled her overly large handbag onto the bar's countertop. Stashing her multiple shopping bags under the wooden barstool, she finally took a seat, eyeing her ex critically.

"Why aren't you at work? It's like 3pm on a Thursday? Are you playing hooky?" she cackled.

With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly turned his head, acknowledging her presence at last. She instantly frowned taking in his red-rimmed eyes, grey face and flat lips.

"Are you drunk?" She asked suddenly sounding concerned, "What happened? You didn't get fired did you?"

His brow creased as he studied her for moment, as if confused by the question, before he turned back to his glass. There were another few moments of silence and she thought he wasn't going to answer.

"Yes to the drunk, no to the firing…at least that I'm aware of," he slurred slightly. "It's possible I s'pose, I didn't really go in today."

"That much is pretty obvious," she observed. "So what's going on? Why would you skip work to spend the day at Beef Steak Charlies?"

She watched him swallow as a dark shadow passed across his pale face. "I've decided this is where I come when girls screw me over," he muttered quietly, his voice humorless as his empty eyes remained fixed on his almost-empty beer. He picked it up swishing it around slightly.

"Uh oh," Janice tried to smile to lighten his mood, "someone's having girl trouble. Well, consider it Karma for lying about Yemen." She did her laugh.

His eyes slid over to her confused.

"You faked going all the way to Yemen so you didn't have to break up with me!" she accused. "Ross _eventually_ told me."

"Oh, right," he mumbled, not really caring. His impromptu trip to Yemen seemed a lifetime ago. He raised the glass to his lips, draining it of the last few drops of alcohol it held.

"Are you gonna buy me a drink then?" She teased, gesturing to his glass, "it's not nice to drink alone." He looked at her, frowning again, his troubled eyes fixed on her face as if he was trying to figure something out. "What?" she asked not liking being scrutinized, "You're starting to freak me out here. What is it?"

"You cheated on me," he mused, as if he had only just realized this fact.

"What?" She asked surprised, she hadn't expected him to come out with that. "Chandler, that was _ages_ _ago_ _._ You told me to give my marriage a chance and I did. You got over that. I mean we've dated since then. Why are you even bringing it up now?"

His blue eyes were lost as he met hers. "You cheated on me," he repeated in a sadder tone. "I didn't come here then but when Kathy cheated on me, I came here."

"Who's Kathy?" she asked trying to keep up.

"Doesn't matter," he dismissed quietly. "Just another person that ripped my heart out and stomped all over it."

Janice studied him critically for another moment as he remained silent, staring into his empty glass that his hands were still wrapped around.

"What's going on, Chandler?" she finally asked.

"You cheated on me; Kathy cheated on me; Becky Ingrass in college cheated on me and now Monica's cheating on me. What did I do? Why does everyone wanna hurt me?" he whispered the last part, his voice cracking in anguish before he swallowed hard. Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his already mussed hair before lifting his beer, sighing heavily when he realized it was empty.

"Monica who?" Janice asked as she watched him signal to the bartender.

"Fred, can I have another? And Janice wants something too…I think?"

The man rolled his eyes, pouring Chandler another before approaching Janice and taking her order. She held back a chuckle as she noticed his 'Simon' name badge.

"So?" Janice asked as she took a sip of her drink.

He blinked slowly, frowning, momentary pausing in his drinking to glance over at her. He raised an eyebrow in query, "'So?'"

"So…who's Monica?" Janice repeated, before a thought suddenly struck her, "Wait! Monica Monica?"

He broke eye contact, looking thoroughly miserable. He contemplated his drink as if the amber liquid held the answers to all his problems. He wished it did.

"You're dating Monica Geller?" she asked again, extremely surprised. She hadn't seen that coming.

"Not anymore," he muttered, swallowing rapidly a couple of times. Janice was alarmed to see his eyes start to fill with what suspiciously looked like tears.

"Monica wouldn't cheat on you," Janice said, sure she was right. "She's been your best friend for like forever, why would she risk getting together with you only to then cheat on you? Nah ah, makes no sense to me."

"Makes perfect sense," he corrected quietly, "everyone decides it's okay to cheat on me; it's like some unspoken rule. They wait just long enough for me to let my guard down and fall in love with them. They wait for me to get to the highest, happiest damn point of my life and then bam! They cut the cord, throw away the parachute and watch with a smile as I crash back to reality.

"I need to stop kidding myself - I'm not boyfriend material, she even said that herself. I'm not enough, never enough and I need to stop pretending and just accept that I was destined to spend this crappy life alone. You know, it's finally starting to sink in. I'm a fast learner, me – you can fool me once, twice and a third time but then after that, oh no…I finally clue in."

Janice sighed before shaking her head. "Rubbish-Shubbish," she insisted. "Get your float off this drunken pity parade, Mister. Lots of people care about you, me included, despite the whole Yemen incident. What about your other friends? What are they saying? If, and I still don't believe it to be true, but if Monica _did_ cheat on you, then surely they'd stick by you? I know without a doubt that Joey definitely would."

He shrugged slightly not committing an answer.

"I still can't believe Ross didn't tell me you're dating his baby sister. Ooh, I bet it didn't go down well," she laughed imagining the scene. "I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation."

"He doesn't know…didn't," Chandler confessed, frowning slightly, not liking the past tense. After spending the best part of the day here trying to get his mind around it, he still couldn't. "I guess he'll never know now."

"What do you mean he doesn't know?"

"It is…was a secret relationship," he said, his heart breaking further at the use of past tense again. It was really over, "I thought it was just to give us time to get used to it before all the others found out but now," he let out a horrible sound, one between a bark of a laugh and a scoff, "it was probably because she was embarrassed by me or something. I would be. Or maybe it was just easier for her to break my heart down the line. If no one knows then there's less drama, less gossip. I can just hide away here and drink away the pain of getting screwed over yet again, screwed over by Monica," his voice caught as raw pain shot through him, almost crippling him. "How could she do this to me?" he whispered

Janice placed a hand on his back, rubbing in soothing circles. He eventually looked up and met her eyes and she was shocked by the agony that filled the usually light and humorous blue eyes.

"I think you need to tell me exactly what's happened," Janice said calmly.

She watched as he tried to compose himself and his thoughts.

"She didn't come over last night," he finally voiced his version of events to the wooden bar surface, his blunt fingers tracing a knot on the edge. "I didn't think much of it. It's hard to sneak over every night, especially with Ross sleeping on the couch. I always miss her when she's not there, I hate sleeping without her in my arms. She was on the late shift too, at least that's what she told me," his voice broke a little, still not able to believe she would lie to him, deceive him. Not Monica. Never Monica. He paused taking a breath as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"She wasn't?" Janice asked with a wince.

He shook his head, "she was on a date with her ex, not just any ex but the love of her life ex; Richard." Even saying the name felt like a knife twisting in his gut. "Probably getting back together with him, apparently. Isn't that just fricking fantastic?"

Janice sighed, watching as his hand pressed against the counter, his knuckles going white from the force.

"Chandler," she started but he shook his head.

"She deserves to be happy," he said angrily, "she deserves it more than anyone I know, she really does, but why does it have to hurt so damn much? Why can't she be happy with me? Why can't she be as madly in love with me as I am with her? Why does it have to be him?"

Janice placed a manicured hand on his arm, rubbing soothingly as she tried to comfort him further. He looked in so much pain, so broken and vulnerable that she felt so sorry for him. Chandler was a good man, he deserved more than what life gave him.

He downed a large portion of his drink before closing his heavy eyelids and letting the liquor wash through him, numbing the pain.

"Come on," she said gently, standing up and tugging his arm.

He raised an eyebrow and didn't budge.

"Come on," she tried again, hoisting her handbag onto her shoulder and grabbing her shopping. "Sitting in here and drinking yourself stupid is not gonna help you. You're coming with me, Mr Bing."

Too broken down to care any longer, he finished his drink and stood up, stumbling slightly as he followed her out of the restaurant.

* * *

Monica frowned at the clock, "has anyone seen Chandler?"

She hadn't been able to sneak over last night, then he hadn't come over for breakfast, which was strange. Then he hadn't called her in his lunch break and he should have already finished work by now. Finished a long time ago.

She was starting to get worried.

The girls shook their heads so she turned to the boys.

"I've not seen him all day," Joey shrugged casually from the couch.

"I saw him briefly," Ross said with a small frown, "but he was running late for work. He was acting kinda strange though."

Before she could get him to elaborate on the 'strange' comment Joey cut in.

"Work? His boss phoned to ask where he was. I covered for him, thought he was pulling another sicky." He shot her a pointed look.

Monica felt her stomach knot. Her gut was telling her something was seriously wrong here. He hadn't spent the day with her and there wasn't any other reason he would fake being ill. Why hadn't he gone to work? Why hadn't he called her?

"Ross, expand on the 'acting strange' thing," she asked concerned, "What exactly happened? What did he say?"

"Well…"

~~ _Flashback to earlier that morning_ ~~

Ross looked up from his magazine, surprised to find Chandler hurrying out of his bedroom. He was struggling to do up the top button of his shirt, whilst simultaneously trying to shrug on his jacket.

"You're a little late…" he tried commenting only to zip his mouth shut at the glare Chandler shot his way.

"Ya think?" Chandler bit out as he started to knot his tie. "I'm late as I couldn't sleep last night and then ironically I overslept. Whoopdy-fricking-doo."

With a grumble he disappeared into the bathroom and with a roll of his eyes, Ross got up and went to the fridge. He grabbed out a bottle of water and a slice of yesterday's pizza, placing them on the counter ready.

As Chandler reappeared, still muttering to himself, Ross gestured to the items, "a grab and go breakfast for you."

"Thanks man," Chandler reached for the water, taking a few swigs before grabbing the pizza, taking a few bites as he found his shoes and stuffed his feet into them.

"What kept you up?" Ross enquired curious, "I slept fine."

"Eh, I always find it hard to sleep without M-" his brain suddenly caught up with him and he panicked, "M-my pillow."

Ross frowned at him, "Why would you sleep without your pillow?"

"Because…it's, uh, at the p-pillow cleaning place…" Chandler stuttered.

"What?" Ross asked confused.

"Um," the duck chose that exact moment to waddle past him, providing the flash of inspiration he so desperately needed, "the duck peed on it."

"Eeew!" Ross pulled a disgusted face at the poultry, as Chandler sent him a silent apology.

"So," Chandler tried to come up with a change in conversation, "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be having breakfast across the hall?" he asked, taking another bite of his makeshift breakfast as he grabbed his coat. Maybe he wouldn't be too late after all...

"I'm trying to avoid Rachel," Ross shrugged and Chandler pulled a face. Maybe he'd be very late…

"Look man, I really haven't got time to go into the whole you and Rachel thing right now. I know you thought you were on a break and she didn't…"

Ross rolled his eyes, "It's nothing like that," he protested. "She just keeps wanting to gossip about Monica's love life…as if I wanna hear about that when I'm trying to eat. She's my little sister."

Love life?

"W-what love life?" he suddenly sounded nervous.

What did Rachel know? What did Ross know?

"Don't worry about it, you're already gonna be late remember?" Ross reminded him. "Besides, I'm sure Monica will be dying to tell you the big news later."

"What big news?" Chandler insisted, unmoving, making no attempt to head towards the door.

"Fine, but you have to at least act surprised when she tells you, because she technically hasn't told me yet, so I'm not even meant to know, so you definitely -"

"Ross," Chandler interrupted him, an uneasy feeling starting in his stomach, "What's going on?"

"Monica went out with Richard yesterday," he shrugged casually as Chandler blanched, involuntarily taking a step back.

"What?" he managed to choke out, surely Ross had it wrong? He had to.

"Yeah, they went out on some date yesterday..."

"A date?" He didn't understand.

"Chandler?"

Ross' voice reached him, but only barely, he blinked up at him confused, "Huh?"

"You ok?" Ross asked concerned. "You don't look so good."

No. No he wasn't.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he croaked out, his mind still racing as his body started to go numb. This couldn't be happening. "Richard? You're sure? I mean Richard?"

"Yes Richard, as in her ex Richard, as in the love of her life Richard."

His gut sunk, his heart broke and his mind just couldn't fathom that.

"I know who he is," he said quietly, swallowing hard.

"She's really excited. Apparently they might get back together. Wouldn't that be weird? I wonder what my dad will say."

His gut clenched that little bit tighter. He couldn't do this, couldn't be here listening to this. Casually discussing Monica and Richard over breakfast. It couldn't be true…could it? Maybe. It was Richard. Monica had been madly in love with him, only broke up because he didn't want marriage or kids. Had he changed his mind? Ross was right, Richard had been the love of her love. Could he blame her for choosing Richard over him? Dysfunctional, majorly screwed-up him? It was a no brainer.

He felt confused tears start to press against the back of his eyes. He started to tremble. It all felt so surreal and overwhelming. How was he meant to process this? How was he meant to handle this?

He had to get out of here.

"Chandler?"

"I've gotta go, I'll uh see you later Ross," with that he practically ran from the apartment. He had no destination in mind, he just had to get away from here. Away from her.

Ross kept his confused gaze on the closed door for a moment. That was strange…his eyes swung to Chandler's open bedroom door, clearly spotting the two pillows on his bed. Huh, even stranger.

~~Back to present time~~

"What?!" Monica gasped, her shaky hand coming to her mouth. Chandler thought she had gone back to Richard? That she had chosen her ex over him? That she had cheated on him and broken it off without even telling him? "Oh god," she whispered as the implications started to flood her. "You told Chandler that I…and Richard?"

This was bad. Very bad. She knew Chandler had lots of insecurities and Richard was one of them.

"Yeah?" Ross was confused, shooting a look to Rachel and Phoebe who seemed just as perplexed as he was. "So?"

"Richard?" Joey was up on his feet, coming to stand directly in front of her pissed. "You and Richard?"

"Look, I know it was supposed to be a secret," Ross said, a little worried by her and Joey's reactions, "but I just repeated what Rachel said," he insisted, ignoring the death look Rachel shot him from across the room. "Monica?"

She was whiter than Chandler had been, her eyes wide and disbelieving as she muttered to herself, shaking her head, "No, no, no. This isn't happening."

"Are you with back with Richard?" Joey's tone was hard, cold.

"Joey?" Phoebe asked, confused by his anger. "What's going on?"

"Chandler," Monica whispered, "he thinks I'm back with Richard," her eyes filled with tears as she faced his roommate, knowing he would understand her concern, "Joey, he's spent the day thinking I'm seeing Richard…"

Joey's eyes softened slightly seeing the distress on his friend's face, "And you're not, right?" he asked, needing confirmation.

"No!" she shook her head, her arms coming around to hug herself, desperate for any comfort. "Of course not, I'd never do that to him."

She started to pace frantically muttering to herself.

"Um," Ross frowned, not fully understanding the situation but sensing something bad was happening. Possibly because of him, "So you didn't go on a date?"

"He thinks I went out on a date and I didn't go round last night," Monica continued, lost in her own concerns, "He's going to think it's related. That it's true."

"Monica?" Rachel asked confused but concerned, protective of _her_ roommate. She got up and placing a hand on each shoulder she forced her to stop pacing and guided her to a kitchen chair, "Mon, you need to tell us what's going on. You're freaking us out and we can't help you unless you talk to us."

Monica looked down at the kitchen tabletop, vaguely aware of Phoebe placing a mug in front of her. She latched onto it, her hands seeking it's warmth as she tried to control her racing mind enough to form coherent sentences, "I bumped into Richard yesterday afternoon," her eyes shot up to find Joey's. "It wasn't planned, I just ran into him. He asked how I was and suggested we grabbed a quick coffee and caught up. It only lasted 15 minutes, it was a little awkward and I didn't feel comfortable but thought I owed it to him.

"It certainly wasn't a date and I'm definitely not getting back together with him. If anything it cemented the fact that I'm completely and utterly over him. I mentioned it to Rachel but swore her to secrecy because I was going to tell Chandler when I next saw him alone. I just needed to work out the best way to tell him because I knew he'd take it badly, but not like this. I wanted to tell him last night but my shift overran- there was a problem setting the alarm and…" she sighed, looking down at the table, her hands coming to her head as she felt a headache coming on.

"Monica," Phoebe spoke gently, all the pieces falling into place, "are you and Chandler…?"

She nodded softly, a small smile touching her lips as she thought about their relationship, "I'm completely and utterly in love with him."

"With Chandler?" Rachel asked surprised, "since when? And you," she turned to Joey, "you knew about this already?"

"Um…"

"Look," Monica sighed, "I know you all have questions and I promise to answer them all, but right now we _have_ to find Chandler. He's out there thinking I'm back with Richard."

Realization slowly dawned on her friends.

"This is bad," Joey agreed, "we need to find him and do some damage control."

"Let's split up," Ross suggested, "we'll cover more ground that way."

Everyone nodded as they started to get ready. As Monica did up her coat Ross approached, placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry, Mon, I really didn't know."

"It's ok," she tried to smile, "you didn't know. Just find him and we'll be even."

Ross offered her a smile in return and nodded. He just prayed they would find him and bring him home relatively unscathed.

* * *

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"No," Janice said firmly. "Now eat, it will help sober you up."

"I don't wanna sober up," he protested, half-heartedly stabbing a potato with his fork before dropping it back onto the plate. "Why can't I stay here? Please?"

"Because, it would not look good to your current girlfriend if you stayed at your ex girlfriend's."

"She's not my girlfriend anymore," he muttered, wincing at the pain that rippled through him. "I'm not going back there. If you don't let me stay here I'll be homeless. I'll be on the street." Janice rolled her eyes eating some more of her dinner. "Do you want me homeless?" he continued.

"Chandler, eat your food, sober up and then we can get you to Monica's and you can talk to her."

"No to all of the above."

"You have to talk to her," she insisted.

"I'm not ready," he admitted, "and what's the point? It's over. I think I'm giving up on women and relationships and getting those snakes – I'm glad I kept that as plan B."

"Chandler," she sighed heavily, not even asking about the snakes, "You heard it from Ross, who heard it from Rachel. It's second-hand gossip that shouldn't be trusted. Do you trust gossip more than Monica? Do you?" She challenged.

He frowned, a slight pout coming to his lips as he stared at the food in front of him, "No."

"Then you need to grow up and talk to her. You can't just run off to Yemen every time it gets difficult."

"I'm not running away to Yemen," he argued, "Ross had no reason to lie or cover anything up."

"He also had no reason to realize what baloney it was. If he had known you were dating her he wouldn't have believed the gossip. Look, there has been some sort of serious miscommunication or cross wires in this weird version of the telephone game you're playing. You're too close to the situation, if you were standing where I am you would see how ridiculous it all is."

"I don't want it to be true," he muttered, "I really don't but it's not ridiculous. It makes perfect sense. Have you met Richard? He's the big moustache man. He's mature, successful…and a dumb stupid tree."

"Chandler, as great as you are you're a little…insecure. I bet that deep down your biggest fear since you got with Monica is Richard coming back and her falling instantly in love with him again, right?" He didn't do anything to indicate the truth in that statement. "Hell, or maybe you think that she's never truly stopped loving him and praying he would change his mind. Whatever fears you've conjured up in that thick skull of yours aren't reality. I know you and I know Monica. Now shut up and eat up."

Chandler sighed heavily, shaking his head at her words but remaining silent.

"Eat something or I'll take offence," she warned, "I may not be a head chef like your girlfriend but I make a mean sausage hot pot."

Reluctantly, he took a bite of the meal, not really tasting it. It made its way to his empty alcohol-abused stomach and it rebelled strongly. He placed his fork down turning a little green.

"Chandler?"

"I'm just gonna-" he gestured to the bathroom as he clumsily made his way there.

As soon as he was gone she reached for her phone.

* * *

"Well it took you long enough!" Janice complained as she answered her front door a little later.

"Janice," Ross forced a smile, "always a pleasure."

She rolled her eyes and opened the door fully, allowing him to enter, "Where are the rest of you?" she frowned.

"Oh, we separated to look for him and I came straight here when I got your message," he shrugged a little as he looked around the familiar living-room. "I, uh, left them a note. Where is he?"

Janice was saved from answering and both grimaced as they heard Chandler in the bathroom.

"Nevermind," Ross muttered as he moved further into the room, perching on the edge of the couch. His eyes fell onto the dinner table set for two. "You two didn't, I mean…" he trailed off not knowing how to complete the awkward question.

"Nooo!" Janice protested loudly, "Get your mind out of the gutter, Geller. I would never do that to him or your sister. You're the last man that I-"

"We, uh," he interrupted quickly, clearing his throat, "we don't need to go down _that_ route. So, uh, how exactly did Chandler end up here…?"

"I rescued him after you told him that ludicrous story. What is wrong with you? Why did you have to go and tell him that? It crushed the little puppy."

Ross pulled a face, finding it hard to imagine Chandler being described as a puppy.

"It's not my fault," he protested. "No one told me they were dating. How was I supposed to know? And how was Rachel supposed to know? They're the ones that kept it a secret…" he said weakly, "technically, _technically_ it's their fault."

Janice raised her eyebrows, clearly unimpressed, as she crossed her legs as a silence fell over them. They stayed silent for a few more moments until Chandler appeared, slumping against the door way. His tired eyes fell onto Ross.

"If you're here to hold my hair back you're too late."

"Shame. Maybe next time," Ross dead-panned, getting up and moving across the room to stand beside him. He grimaced taking in Chandler's worn face. The man looked like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. "Chandler-" he started only to be cut off by Janice.

"Here," she handed her ex-boyfriend a glass of water. "Drink this." He looked at her. "Drink it and then there's an unopened toothbrush in the cabinet. Please use it and the mouthwash."

Rolling his eyes he begrudgingly pushed himself upright and took the glass of water back with him into the bathroom.

Faced with staying alone with Janice, Ross quickly gestured and followed Chandler into the small tiled room. Chandler glanced at him but didn't comment on his presence as he started to brush his teeth. Ross waited, shifting his weight between his feet somewhat uncomfortable.

When he'd got Janice's message he'd been in such a rush to get here…now, he kinda wished he had one of the others with him. The girls were good at this stuff. He didn't really like these sort of conversations…especially not when it was involving his little sister….and not when Chandler was in this sort of mood.

Finally rinsed and water splashed over his face, Chandler turned and faced him, studying his oldest friend.

"What are you doing here, Ross?" he finally questioned.

"I, uh, made a mistake this morning," Ross admitted, "a very big mistake. See, Rachel got it wrong, Monica and Richard aren't back together, they didn't go on a date."

Chandler's brow furrowed in confusion, his expression not changing to sheer joy as Ross hoped it would, "Did Janice tell you to say that?"

"No," Ross argued annoyed, "of course not. No one told me to tell you - it's the truth."

"So, you just made it up out of thin air this morning?" he clearly wasn't believing him, "I wasn't born yesterday, Ross."

Chandler made a move to pass him but Ross blocked his attempt, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Look it was just gossip that Rachel-"

Chandler continued shaking his head, he was tired, felt like crap and right now his heart was too numb to let in any hope,

"Something must have happened," Chandler said gravely. "And I get it ok, it's Richard. So, you don't need to cover for her or try and make me feel better."

"Cover for her? I'm not trying to cover for her," he insisted but his friend still didn't look impressed, which made him all the more frustrated. "What's the matter with you? Monica is going frantic, sick with worry, she's so upset thinking that you'll be hurting over this and…what, you don't care? D-did I misunderstand about this secret relationship? Are you not as serious about this as Monica? Is it completely one-sided? Do you not love her-?"

"Of course I love her!" Chandler exploded angrily, "I love her more than I've ever loved anybody." The aggression made his head pound and he starting pacing, running a hand through his hair as he tried to calm himself, his voice breaking slightly, "I'm completely and utterly in love with her."

"Then what's the problem?" Ross asked gentler, trying to figure his friend out.

Chandler shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bath tub.

"Come on, Ross," he finally spoke, "if she has the choice between me and Richard, it's going to be him every time. I might as well save myself the heart-ache now."

"If you'd asked me yesterday I might have agreed," Ross said almost casually, "but only because I didn't know about the two of you then. Up until yesterday I thought Richard _was_ the love of her life but that all changed today. You should have seen her earlier, Chandler, she's crazy about you man, completely crazy.

"Look, yes she bumped into Richard yesterday but it wasn't prearranged or a date in any way. She spent like 20 minutes with him having a coffee. That was it. She found it awkward, uncomfortable and it made her realize how much she's over him and how happy she is to have you. She doesn't want Richard, Chandler. You're the love of her life now."

Ross watched fascinated as slowly Chandler's whole demeanor changed. The depression that hung over him evaporating into hope. His slumped shoulders rising slightly, a soft smile touching his lips and his eyes became alive.

"Yeah?" Chandler finally asked.

"Yeah," Ross promised, clapping his shoulder. "This is all just a big horrible mistake. Come on, let's get you home and back with my sister…" he pulled a face, "ya know, that's a sentence I never thought I'd say to you."

Chandler actually let out a chuckle, "I know, I never saw it coming either," then a thought occurred to him, "wait, you know about us and you're ok with it? You don't wanna kill me?"

It was Ross' turn to chuckle, "I'd say after the day you've had because of me…we're more than even. And seeing both of you today thinking you've lost the other…I'm never letting you two break up."

A wide smile spread across Chandler's face for the first time today. He didn't want to ever break up either and as he replayed Ross' words from earlier, that _he_ was now the love of Monica's life, he let a little part of him believe that maybe this could be it for life.

"We should head back," Ross said again glancing at his watch as Chandler stood up, stumbling a little.

"Oh, it's gonna hurt in the morning," Chandler muttered.

Before Ross could comment there was a commotion in the hallway and the bathroom door flew open hitting Ross.

"Ouch, son of a-"

"Chandler!" A teary-eyed Monica barged into the room, ignoring Ross, on a direct path to her boyfriend. "Thank god," her hands cupped his cheeks as she studied his face critically before pulling him into a fierce hug. "I was so worried about you,"

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him as he borrowed his face in her hair. He clung to her, savoring the feel of her body, letting her familiar scent surround him and sooth his soul. He vowed he'd do everything in his power to ensure this was for life.

"Don't worry about me," Ross commented sarcastically but neither looked as if they had heard him. With a muttered "Whatever," he left quickly, not wanting to be in the room as they made up.

Monica turned her face towards Chandler and he pulled back slightly, their lips finding each other instinctively, caressing and comforting each other. She stroked his hair, his back, his arms, needing to touch and heal as much of him as she could.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as they broke apart but she shook her head, pressing her forehead to his.

"Don't be," she whispered, "I understand and I'm sorry you got hurt by all this Chandler but you have to know I would never leave you for Richard or any man." He closed his eyes as so many feelings rushed through him. "I could never walk away from this, Chandler, I love you too damn much. You're everything to me, you have to know that."

Swallowing hard he pressed his lips to hers again, hoping to communicate what he felt without words. When the kiss ended he hugged her again tightly, "I love you too Mon," he admitted and she couldn't keep the beaming smile from her face.

"Why don't we get out of your ex's bathroom and go home and just be together," she suggested, still ecstatic from his confession. He loved her.

"That sounds like the best plan I've heard all day," Chandler agreed, keeping an arm over her shoulder as she helped to guide him from the bathroom.

They gathered their friends, having to practically tear Joey away from the uneaten food he was tucking into. Both sincerely thanked Janice and left as quickly as possible. Grabbing two cabs, the others all squeezed in one, leaving Monica and Chandler to the other to have a brief moment of privacy.

The couple climbed into the cab, their arms wrapping around each other as Monica rested her head on his chest. She closed her eyes listening to his steady heartbeat. She felt his hands stroking her sides and she smiled.

"What a day," Chandler muttered. "Two exes in two days…let's never do that again."

"Deal," she chuckled.

"So if Pete or Kathy or Fun Bobby turn up at our door tomorrow?"

"We firmly shut the door in their face," Monica confirmed with a smile, snuggling further into his chest. "In fact, I think if anyone knocks at our door tomorrow we're entitled to ignore them. Tomorrow we both call in sick and spend the day in bed together just enjoying being in love. Sound good?"

Chandler looked down at the woman in his arms, tightening his hold on her. Love. They were officially in love. He couldn't believe he'd thought he'd lost her. That his insecurities had allowed him to believe a piece of gossip.

"Sounds perfect," Chandler promised, "just like you. I'm sorry I didn't just come and talk to you; I'm such an idiot."

"My idiot," she replied, looking up at him, her eyes sparkling, "I understand Chandler, I really do. If I'd even thought for one second that Rachel would misinterpret everything so badly and that it would reach you like it did, then I would have told you straight away. I'm sorry you went through everything you did today. And I'm really sorry for not making it clear to you just how much you and this relationship mean to me, because you mean _everything_ to me, everything."

He swallowed, staring into her eyes. It difficult to believe that this amazing woman loved him but the way she was looking at him right now, as if he was the most important person on this planet, he knew it was somehow true. They were in love and through that he would one day find a new confidence and a way to rid himself of his insecurities. Right now though it was time for celebration.

A large smile spread across his face as he slowly leaned forwards, his fingertips lightly brushing her cheek as she tilted her chin up, meeting him half way. Their lips met in a slow deep kiss. When they broke apart, Monica snuggled back into his chest and he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Love you," she murmured.

"Love you too, babe."

It may have been the day from hell, but it was finishing pretty damn nicely.

The End

* * *

A/N – I got the idea from watching the Vegas episode and wondering what would have happened if Monica and Richard had bumped into each other whilst still a secret. Also, kudos to anyone that's ever written Janice as I found her really hard to do.

Let me know your thoughts - feedback always much appreciated :o)


	15. TOW Santa's Secret

TOW Santa's Secret

A/N- you can probably guess from the title that this kinda missed its original deadline. And on top of posting a Christmas story in April, I've also screwed with the timeline so you have to imagine no one has figured them out yet…

* * *

"Hey!" Joey greeted as he walked into the girls' apartment, "Oooh, are those freshly-baked cookies? Shaped like Christmas Trees?! Awesome!"

With a delighted expression he headed straight for the kitchen table only to be psychically blocked by Monica.

"You're empty handed."

He blinked at her in confusion before his eyes went longingly back to the tasty-looking festive treats; they were so near, yet so far.

"What?" he asked distracted.

"Where are your Secret Santa presents? You were meant to have brought them over before midday. It's 1pm."

"They're across the hall," he dismissed casually, "Let me just grab a cookie and I'll go-"

"Nope," she shook her head firmly. "No way, buster. No presents, no food; those are the rules."

"What?"

"No cookies…or any food for that matter, until I have both yours and Chandler's presents securely in the official Secret Santa sack."

"But-" he whined to no avail. Monica gave him a stern look and knowing she was deadly serious, he turned around grumbling something in Italian. Withholding food was just not cool.

He stomped back into his own apartment and heard the shower running. Just typical. He was not going to wait for Chandler to finish showering before he got his food - he really didn't want to know what the man did in there that took him so damn long. He shuddered at the thought.

"Dude?" he banged on the door, "Where's your Secret Santa present? Monica wants them like yesterday." He heard some sort of muffled response but nothing useful, "Don't worry man, I'll find it."

Again, he took the mumbled reply as confirmation.

Shrugging, he headed straight for his roommate's room. He glanced around not spotting anything obvious that looked 'Secret Santa-ish'. He checked under the bed, amused at the empty condom boxes and wrappers he found there. Either Chandler was holding out on him, or he really did enjoy using them when flying solo. Joey had tried it after that awkward conversation in London but still didn't see the appeal.

He pulled open a couple of drawers, determined to find the damn thing. His tummy rumbling violently, he moved quickly to the bedside cabinet pleased when he found the small-gift wrapped box safely stashed away in the top drawer.

Success!

With a triumphant smile he grabbed it, stuffing it into his pants pocket. Running into his somewhat messier room, he snatched his somewhat messier-wrapped present and high-tailed it back to the girls' apartment.

Monica held back her chuckle as the door swung open as expected. She was there waiting, holding open the sack for him to deposit the goods; she knew what a great motivator food was to her friend.

"Thank you," she said sweetly.

"Whatever," Joey mumbled already tucking into his well-deserved Christmas themed cookie.

* * *

A few hours later the gang sat around the living room. It was Christmas Eve and they were having their own little gathering before people disappeared tomorrow to various family events.

"Is it time for presents?" Joey asked excitedly, aiming his question at Monica.

Monica sighed, normally she loved being the host but right now she was content to just sit here, her side pressed up against a warm Chandler. His arm was casually over the back of the couch, meaning she could lean that little bit further into him and occasionally she'd feel his hand stroking her hair.

But now everyone's eyes were on her and she forced herself to move a fraction away from him. Friends. Yep, they had to keep the appearance of just friends. It was getting harder though.

"Sure," she eventually agreed.

She placed her hand on Chandler's thigh in order to push herself up. Letting her fingers linger there a moment longer than strictly needed. He shot her a secret smile which she easily returned before heading for the bag of pressies under the tree.

Monica perched on the coffee table, conveniently directly opposite Chandler. The tips of her toes discreetly nudging his as she dug into the sack.

"Shouldn't you be wearing a Santa outfit?" Chandler teased.

If only they were alone; she could have modelled her Santa-style lingerie she'd recently purchased with the red silk and white fur trim. Oh, she couldn't wait to wear it for him tonight. A little thrill went through her.

"You haven't been _that_ good," she winked, giving his toes an extra bump as the others chuckled.

"I don't know, I think if you ask some people they'd say I'm _very_ good," he grinned cheekily with a flirty little wink of his own.

She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her smile in check. He was damn good, no question about that but they couldn't continue with the others there. She'd be sure to stroke his ego later…as well as other things. Another little ripple went through her and she fought the blush as she forcefully pulled her eyes away from his gorgeous face. Instead Monica turned her attention to the presents, although she could still feel his eyes on her.

"Ok, right," she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to compose herself and get down to business. "The first present is for…Ross!"

Everyone banged their hands on their knees or the nearest surface for the drum roll as he ripped open the bright red and green paper.

"It's...dinosaur socks," to Monica's amusement his bemused expression turned to a large smile, "actually, these are pretty neat. Thanks Secret Santa!"

One-by-one Monica, Rachel, Joey and Chandler all received their presents.

"Ooh, the last one must be mine," Phoebe cheered excitedly. "Yeah me!"

"Well the label must have fallen off," Monica commented as she reached for the small package that was hiding in the rapidly diminished sack. She turned the neatly-wrapped gift over in her hands, "Wow," Monica mused, "I wonder who had you?"

She frowned, she was always the best wrapper. She put in the effort – bought the nice paper in advanced, wrapped it early and carefully with a ribbon and a little bow…but she didn't have Phoebe. The boys wouldn't wrap like that, no way, and Rachel never allowed enough time, always buying something last minute…hmmm, maybe she had paid to have it gift-wrapped at the store?

"Well, if this much effort went into the wrapping then it's gotta be something special," Phoebe hoped as she started to open it with an excited smile on her face.

"Seriously, a joke book?" Chandler asked pissed, paying no attention to Phoebe. "What are you trying to say here people? That I'm not funny? That my material is not fresh enough?"

"I'm sure it was meant as a source of inspiration," Monica soothed. "Now shhh, I wanna see what Phoebe got."

That caused the others to glance up from their own presents in curiosity as Phoebe made an excited noise and carefully opened the package. Recognition, followed by blind panic filled Chandler, his eyes widened and he produced a strange strangled sound. Monica glanced over to him concerned.

"You ok?" she asked but she could tell he clearly wasn't. "Chandler?" she kicked him.

"I-"

Her attention was half on her boyfriend and half on Phoebe as the blonde revealed a jewelry box. Who got jewelry on a $10 secret Santa? She was aware that Chandler was nearly hyperventilating but her eyes were still fixed on Phoebe as she carefully opened the box and gasped. Catching a glimpse Monica gasped as well. Wow.

She was holding a beautiful small silver locket.

"My god!" Phoebe exclaimed lifting it out and holding it up by the chain, "Guys, this is beautiful! I-I can't believe it. No one's ever bought me anything like this."

"You get that and I get damn bath salts?" Rachel complained, moving closer to examine the necklace, turning it over in her hands. "Oh my god, I think it's real silver and it's engraved," she squinted at it. "CM 1998? How weird."

Chandler made another noise and Monica moved from the table to the couch to sit next to him. Everyone's attention was still on Phoebe and her new locket. "You ok?" she asked softly, her hand on his knee. His wide eyes looked pointedly at Phoebe and back to Monica. She frowned not getting it. "What?" She mouthed. He threw another pointed look and yet again Monica shook her head, still not getting it.

"Open it up, see if there's anything inside," Rachel urged and Monica resisted looking, instead forcing herself to try and comfort a very freaked Chandler.

Her hand rubbed his thigh in comfort watching as Chandler squeezed his eyes closed, his hands covering his face in defeat. She was about to question him further when shocked noises from the others caused her to look over to them, "Guys?" she questioned.

Suddenly all their eyes were on her and confused she looked at the open locket, gasping in surprise. Inside was a photo of Monica and Chandler, arms around each other and smiling happily.

"Oh," she said, swallowing as her eyes returned to her very quiet boyfriend. Finally she cottoned on. "Chandler?"

Chandler slowly removed his hands from his face, opening his eyes to face them all. He then stood up and without a word left the apartment.

"Um..." Monica trailed off, her brow furrowed as she turned to the others, just as confused as them now. "You see uh..."

Suddenly Chandler re-entered the apartment holding a messily wrapped gift and quietly approached Phoebe.

"I, uh think you got given the wrong present," he said quietly, his eyes hopeful. "Can we trade?"

Eyeing him for a moment, Phoebe reluctantly handed over the locket to him and took the replacement, fully expecting it to be nowhere near as good.

Locket safely in hand, Chandler slowly turned and walked over to Monica, a cute little smile on his face. He was aware that the others were watching him intently, but he didn't care as he came to stand in front of her.

"I was gonna give you this tonight," he confessed softly, getting captivated be her shining eyes. "But as the cat's kinda outta the bag, you might as well have it a little earlier."

Monica's smile was beaming as he handed her the jewelry. He turned it over in her hands showing her the engraving before opening it again. She swallowed heavily, her thumb brushing over the small photograph before she looked up and met his bright eyes.

"Chandler this is...I..I can't believe you did this."

"It's out first Christmas together, Mon," he said softly, his hands coming up to stroke her cheek and she leaned into the caress happily. "I wanted to make it special. You like it?"

"God," she swallowed again, the smile on her face almost painful. "I love it, it's amazing. You're amazing."

Keeping a tight hold on the locket she pulled his head down, her lips molding to his. She felt his arms around her waist as he pulled her flush against him as the kiss continued. They got lost in each other, forgetting the apartment full of curious friends until a chorus of "awwwwws" from the girls and "eeeeeewws" from the boys caused them to pull apart slowly.

They stared at each other for another moment, smiling before Chandler offered her another one of his special smiles and pecked her lips. They then turned to their amused friends, Chandler keeping a firm arm around her waist.

"Since when were you two a thing?" Rachel asked, eyebrow raised.

"Um...since London?" Chandler winced, glancing at Ross' scowl.

"London?" he asked pissed.

"Yeah..." Chandler wet his lips, "Merry Christmas, Ross."

Ross scowled deepened as his eyes narrowed.

"I think it's pretty cool," Joey stepped in quickly, "You look so cute together...and that explains what's under your bed!"

Chandler and Monica shared a confused look.

"Yeah," Rachel agreed, "I never thought about you two together, but now I see it it totally works."

Chandler smiled happily, hugging her even closer.

"Totally," Phoebe joined in, "I so knew something was going on with you but I couldn't work out what. And Chandler, good choice of present for her."

"Thanks," Chandler shot her a quick grin before looking back to his girlfriend.

He started to get lost in her eyes again until Phoebe's loud voice broke the spell.

"Now enough of this. I wanna open my real present!"

As she started to unwrap her gift, Chandler leaned his head down, his forehead resting amongst Monica's.

"That didn't go too badly," he murmured.

"I know," she whispered back, "I can't believe it's all out in the open now. Just like that, boom."

"I don't know how that even got in there," he confessed, "and I know it wasn't planned but I'm kinda glad everyone knows. Means we can spend the night together and wake up together Christmas morning."

Monica smiled brightly, "I would really like that," she promised.

They stared into each other's eyes for another long moment before their lips came together in a sweet kiss which warmed their hearts and curled their toes. They were about to deepen it when Phoebe's protests ruined the moment yet again.

"Novelty Fraggle Rock guitar plecs and a stick of gum? No way!" she sounded pissed. "We're switching back."

* * *

The end

Clichéd and very late...but let me know what you thought anyway! Still plenty of ideas for this series :o)


	16. TOW Ross Has a Lot to Think About

TOW Ross Has a Lot to Think About

* * *

Carol swung open the front door to reveal her ex-husband with their son lying across his arms giggling.

"It's Super Ben!" Ross announced, whoshing him into the room. They did a 'flying' lap around the couch before he set the boy down next to her with flare, "Taa daa!" He looked up at her and smiled, "Hey."

"Hi," she smiled back, chuckling at his dorkiness. Looking down at Ben, she ruffled his blonde hair affectionately, "Did you have a good time with Daddy?" she asked as her wife entered the room.

"Yeah, we played dinosaurs," he said excitedly and she resisted rolling her eyes, "and we went to the Park and we saw Auntie Monica."

"Oh, that reminds me," Carol clicked her fingers as Susan fussed over Ben, helping him with his coat. "When did Monica and Chandler finally get together?"

"What?" Ross frowned confused.

"You know Monica…your sister and Chandler your best friend?" She laughed at his expression, "I was wondering when they got together, you never said anything," she continued casually. "I'm pleased though, I always thought there was a spark between them, even all the way back in college."

"A…spark?" Ross' frown deepened. "What are you talking about?"

"Them dating?" her expression was starting to change into confusion as Susan came to stand next to her.

"They aren't dating," Ross insisted, his face screwing up at the very idea.

"Yes they are!" Carol protested.

"Nuh uh," Ross retorted.

Susan smirked, "Well they looked pretty coupley yesterday when they were holding hands on the sidewalk and last weekend when they were making out in the park. Oh, and the other week when they were coming out of the movies with their arms wrapped around each other, giggling like a couple of teenagers."

"They don't do any of that…" He sounded a lot less certain.

"Have they not told you?" Susan couldn't resist but taunt to which Carol threw her a warning glance.

"I'm sure they just haven't told you because of the whole Emily and eviction situation," Carol soothed. "They probably thought you had enough on your plate without stressing you out over this too."

"Monica and Chandler?" He asked as if he hadn't heard her, "That's...that's just gross!"

Ewwww.

"Actually they looked very sweet!" Susan continued, still enjoying having one up on him. "They looked completely and utterly in love. I'm surprised you haven't noticed…it looked like they were having trouble keeping their hands off each other."

Ross flashed her a glare, really not wanting that particular image in his head.

"What Susan means," Carol tried to keep the peace, "is they make a cute couple; they looked very happy, so if they haven't told you yet there's probably a good reason."

"But-"

"Ross," she laid a calming hand on her ex-husband's arm, "Let them tell you in their own time, ok? Please don't go around there now with all guns blazing. There's no need; your sister can date whoever she likes, she doesn't need your permission and besides, you should be grateful it's Chandler."

Ross shot her a questioning look and she sighed.

"I remember back in college when you and me had our first big fight," she explained. "I came to your dorm room to talk to you but it was only Chandler there. He was a little awkward and advice isn't exactly his forte but Ross, he was so sweet. He told me not to give up on you and that you were crazy about me and that I had to give you a second chance. He let me cry on his shoulder and I remember telling him any girl would be lucky to have him. Ironically, he said the same thing to me after we broke up," she smiled slightly at the memory.

"My point," she continued, "is he's one of the good guys. He's your best friend and he wouldn't have entered into this relationship to hurt you. More importantly you know he'd never hurt Monica, he thinks the world of her, always has, it's obvious."

He was still staring at her, trying to process her words.

"Ross..." she drew out his name slowly, waiting for him to focus,"don't obsess over this, ok? It really isn't that big a deal. They've been close for years, this is just the inevitable next step."

He stared at her face for a long moment, his eyes then quickly shooting to Susan to see her still smiling in pleasure. He took a deep breath, remembering his anger management classes. Count to five. Slowly.

"Right," he finally sighed. "I just can't believe it, but yeah, I'm sure they have their reasons for not telling people."

It better be _people_ and not just him that didn't know about them…'them'. He was still finding it hard to comprehend the idea of Monica and Chandler as a couple; an item. Monica and Chandler being together...romantically. It was weird...they weren't meant to do that sort of stuff together.

"You going to be ok?" Carol asked wincing.

"Yeah," he swallowed, nodding, "I'm fine."

He knew he didn't sound that convincing.

"And you aren't going to go screaming the house down?" she asked sternly, feeling bad she'd unknowingly outted the happy couple.

"I won't," he caught her knowing look, "I promise," he insisted, "that whole anger thing is behind me now. Hopefully, I'll even be going back to work soon, once I've found an apartment."

"Wait," Susan interrupted. "You're staying at Joey and Chandler's? And you still didn't figure them out? I bet they've been sneaking pass you in the night, doing it in his room with you just the other side of the door."

Ross glared at her, his jaw clenched but not taking her bait. He would and could rise above it.

"I'll be leaving now," he stated, walking over to where Ben was playing with his toys, having long become bored with the grown-ups' conversation. "Give me a kiss buddy, I'll see you next weekend."

After a quick kiss and cuddle he waved good bye.

"Ross!" He turned to see that Carol had followed him out. "Please don't ruin this for them. You know both of them haven't ever had much luck with relationships. When we saw them together I was so happy for them. Just give it time to sink in before you talk to either of them. Once you see them together you'll be pleased for the both of them too. I know it."

He studied her a moment, contemplating her words before slowly nodding and offering her a small smile, "I will. I promise."

With that he turned and started to walk towards the subway, thoughts of this crazy new revelation swimming in his brain. Could it all be true?

Monica and Chandler?

* * *

That night Ross lay silently on the boys' couch, eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. He didn't know if Susan was right and they were sneaking passed him each night, and if they did what time they would do it. But it's not like he had work tomorrow, so he could lose a few hours' sleep without much consequence.

A door opened somewhere and Ross tried to even out his breathing to sound like he was asleep. Focusing his ears he was disappointed when he realized it was Joey's door. He heard the heavy-footed man thump his way into the kitchen and start running the tap. A few seconds later the cupboard door banged closed and a glass was placed none too quietly onto the countertop.

Then he heard what must be Chandler's door open. Much softer footsteps came to a stop by the couch and paused for a moment. Ross continued to pretend he was in a peaceful slumber and seemingly satisfied, Chandler's footsteps resumed their path to the kitchen.

"Dude," he heard him hiss, "would you quit it? You'll wake him up."

"So?" a sleepy Joey replied. "He'll get back to sleep ok, he's a big boy."

"Monica's coming over any second and if he's awake…"

"Oh, I get it. You get to have sex and I have to be quiet getting a glass of water?"

Ross frowned a little. Not only was it true, but Joey knew? Was it just him in the dark?

"No," Chandler sounded a little agitated and he could imagine the man running a hand through his probably already mussed bed-hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean that, I just meant that this isn't how I want Ross to find out about us. He deserves to be told the truth, not catch us in the act. I think that would scar all of us."

"So just tell him already," Joey protested, annoyance in his voice, "it's been what- 5 months?"

It took everything Ross had not to let out a strangled sound of surprise. 5 months? Seriously?

"Oooh no no no, he'll kill me. Kill me dead."

He might have done, Ross mused, if he'd caught them in the act without any forewarning. That would have been some shock…eeew, just the very thought made him cringe. He just hoped neither of the men were looking in his direction at this very moment.

"You're doing his little sister," Joey said simply, "of course he's gonna kill you. I'd kill you."

"You aren't helping," he heard the muttered reply. "And we aren't just doing it, we're in a relationship and…I, I think I've fallen in love with her."

"Seriously?" Joey asked excitedly, unknowingly voicing Ross' own question. "Man, that's serious, incredible but serious. Congratulations."

"Thanks but don't say anything to her, right? This is just between us. I don't want her to know yet."

"Why not?" he sounded as confused as Ross felt.

"Because, I'm not ready to tell her yet. It's a big step and things are going really well between us. I don't want to risk ruining anything by adding any unnecessary pressure."

"I doubt telling her you're in love with her is gonna ruin anything. She's crazy about you man and well…it's Monica. She likes all that commitment crap."

"I'll tell her when I'm ready," Chandler insisted. "Look, I usually screw stuff up the second the 'L' word comes out and I can't screw this up. It's the best thing to ever happen to me so I'd rather just drop it now, ok? Leave everything how it is."

"Ok, sure, whatever but please think about telling people that you're together at least, just imagine a world with no secrets and no sneaking around. You could stay with each other every night and I could make as much noise as I wanted getting a glass of water."

"I know," he heard Chandler sigh heavily. "I want that too, but I also don't want to tell them...maybe I could write them letters?"

"Right, I'm going back to bed cause if you're worried about a glass of water waking him, I'm guessing you'll disapprove of a cheese toastie snack being prepared?"

"Joey."

"Fine, I'll go back to bed hungry and starve. Have fun with your girlfriend that you looooooooooooooove ."

Ross heard Joey return to his room and continued to pretend to be asleep as he waited. He didn't have to wait long as suddenly there was a gentle knock, so quiet he almost missed it. He heard Chandler walk over and open the door just as gently.

"Hey."

Ross was surprised. People said when you took away your sight the other four senses got stronger. In the darkness, just hearing that one little word spoken so softly, so gently with so much sincerity he could tell his friend was crazy in love.

He'd known Chandler a long time, he was his oldest friend and he'd seen the man in all different kinds of stages of love. From his first girlfriend which he followed around like a love-sick puppy, to Janice and Kathy. It was weird to think it was now aimed at Ross' little sister.

"Hey," he heard Monica's voice; again that one word was spoken just as quietly, with the edge of something he hadn't heard her use for a long while. It was definitely mutual,"I missed you."

"Me too."

It went quiet and Ross really hoped they were just staring into each others eyes opposed to making out. But then he heard a sound that could only be described as kissing and he screwed his face up. Did they have to do that with him in the room? Maybe he should remind them he was here…

He made a small sleepy noise and shuffled on the couch onto his side. It had the desired affect. The kissing noises stopped immediately and there was a hushed silence as they no doubt held their breaths waiting to see if he'd awake fully and catch them. He considered it briefly, now that he knew for sure he wanted to confront them and get it out in the open sooner rather than later. But any kind of confrontation at stupid o'clock in the morning with all of them in their nightwear…god, he hoped they were at least wearing nightwear…wouldn't be comfortable.

Best to wait until tomorrow.

"Can we go to yours?" he heard Chandler whisper. "Joey's already been up and Ross is a light sleeper…"

"Sure, Rachel's sound asleep."

Hmm, Rachel couldn't be in on the secret either then; at least it wasn't just him. Interesting.

"Let's go," moments later the door closed and Ross opened his eyes fully, letting them adjust to the darkness to ensure they'd gone.

His mind was too active now to try and sleep, so he got up, getting himself a glass of water, sitting at counter as he contemplated everything he'd learned. Chandler and Monica were together but they weren't just messing around. They'd been together months, 5 months and they were in love….even if they hadn't admitted it to each other yet.

It was strange that after all these years they would now become involved. He thought back to what Carol had said…had there been something between them since college? A spark? Originally, Chandler had been Ross' best friend, the two of the pretty inseparable in the early years, especially that first year. Chandler had only met Monica a few times and she hadn't even liked him then, and with that whole toe incident he figured it was a mutual dislike.

But as Carol had come along and their relationship had gotten more serious, Ross had inevitably spent more time with her and less with Chandler. The dynamic had shifted a little and then Monica had joined the small gang and slowly they got over their earlier issues and Chandler had started to bond with her. Over the years he'd become stupidly close to Monica and she with him. Chandler had become closer to her than to him, especially once Ross had got married.

Since the divorce Ross had spent more time with the gang, his and Chandler's friendship was stronger than ever, but that special connection between Chandler and his sister had never faded. Even as Kip had come and gone and Phoebe, Joey and Rachel had made it one by one onto the scene, Chandler and Monica's deep connection had never wavered.

In the few times he'd thought about it over the years, he'd just put it down to Chandler having no siblings and seeing Monica as that little sister he'd never had. He was always there for her, whether it was a shoulder to cry on, a joke to tease her with or to be all protective if needed; it had always been Chandler she had turned to.

How had the shift from friends to lovers happened? Carol had said it was inevitable, was it? Had they liked each other that way for a while? Had it been a mutual thing? He wished he knew more, wished he had some answers to help digest it all.

With a sigh he decided he was hungry. He started to pull the ingredients out for cheese toasties- damn Joey!

* * *

It was a few hours later that Chandler tried to creep back into his apartment, jumping a mile when he saw Ross wide awake and reading a magazine on the breakfast counter.

"R-ross?" He blinked, looking panicked and confused. "I, um, I was just out uh -"

He looked so worried and flustered that Ross decided to put him out of his misery and go easy on him. It hadn't been how he'd planned it but maybe it was better this way. Besides, he didn't want to have to pretend he didn't know about them anymore.

"It's alright," Ross said quietly, calmly,"you don't have to come up with any excuses; I know about you and Monica."

"W-what?" He was still panicked, that much was more than obvious; his eyes wide, terrified as he stuttered and flustered. "What are you talking about?"

"It's ok," Ross shrugged a little, "I know."

"I, uh, I…"

"I know you're in a relationship together," he confirmed, "but I wouldn't mind chatting about it?"

Chandler looked on the verge of some kinda breakdown.

"You wanna chat about it?" he asked slowly, confused as if he couldn't register the vocabulary.

"Chandler, sit," Ross instructed, waiting for the wide eyes and dumbstruck expression to disappear from his friend's face. It didn't. "Seriously, Chandler sit down."

"I would rather stand," he insisted, throwing a look at the door, checking his escape route was clear.

"Are you ok?" Ross frowned.

"Am I ok?" Chandler asked incredulous. "Me? You just found out I'm sleeping with your sister and you wanna sit down and talk about it and you ask if I'm ok? This isn't happening," he started to pace. "Am I dreaming because this feels kinda like the twilight zone and-"

"Chandler, seriously, just relax ok, I didn't just find out and I know you aren't just messing around with her. You've been together 5 months."

If anything that made him look even more bewildered, his eyebrows as high as his hairline as he worried his lower lip.

"Please sit down," Ross tried asking again, gesturing to the Barcalounger, "I'm not mad at you. I'm not gonna try and punch you or get into a fight at," he glanced at the microwave clock, "5.30am in the morning."

Chandler studied him for another long moment before finally nodding and swallowing. He slowly made his way to the chair and sat down carefully still very much on alert, shooting little glances at him. Ross resisted rolling his eyes at his friend's behavior.

"I guess the first question is how did you find out?" Chandler asked quietly.

"Carol and Susan," he admitted, "they saw you out together a few times and wanted more details."

"Oh," he winced, "I'm sorry Ross, we were gonna tell you…"

"I know," he nodded, reassuring him, "I heard you talking to Joey earlier."

"Ah," Chandler pulled a face as realization hit him, "crap."

"It's alright, I won't tell her you've fallen in love with her either," he grinned.

"Thanks," he offered a fake smile, still extremely uncomfortable.

"So, just Joey knows?"

"That we're together?" Ross nodded, "Yeah and you, and Carol and Susan apparently. I, I didn't confide in him instead of you or anything, he worked it out and confronted us and we didn't have any option but to admit it."

"I would have understood if you had chosen to tell him instead of me," Ross shrugged slightly, having had time to think it all over, "it is my sister after all. It would have been a bit weird."

"Yeah," Chandler nodded, pleased that Ross was understanding where he was coming from. "But I would have tried to talk to you or something," he said quietly, "you're like my oldest friend. We always talked to each other about girls and stuff."

"You think that's gonna change?" Ross asked quietly. He'd been thinking about things all night and this was one thing he kept coming back to.

"What'd you mean?" Chandler asked meeting his eyes confused.

"I mean," he swallowed looking down uncomfortably and Chandler's frown deepened.

"Ross?"

"It's probably silly, actually it is silly, forget it."

"Tell me," he insisted, wanting the air cleared tonight so there were no more secrets between them. He hadn't liked hiding something so important from him.

"You've always been close to Monica," Ross shrugged a little, "and that's cool but now you're together, I just…things are going to change. You aren't going to be 'Chandler, Ross' friend or college roommate', you're gonna be 'Chandler Monica's boyfriend or husband'-"

"Woah! Hey!" Chandler protested, "firstly, none of this 'husband' talk and secondly, it's a secret relationship so I'm not going to be introduced as her boyfriend anytime soon."

"What I mean," Ross sighed, trying to ignore Chandler's overreaction, "is that you're going to…be hers."

"Hers? She doesn't own me," he frowned.

"I just mean, you guys are in a relationship, you're a couple in love, you're going to have your own secrets. You're going to get closer and closer to her and anytime there's an argument you're gonna side with her and…I don't know, it's silly it's just…I don't wanna lose you man."

Chandler blinked, surprised. All the times he'd pictured this conversation it had never gone down this route.

"You aren't going to lose me," Chandler insisted awkwardly, "you'll always be one of my best friends, yeah me and Mon are close but as you already said, we've always been that way. We've always had little secrets and stories that we haven't told the whole gang, but at the same time I'm sure you know a lot of stories about me that Monica doesn't know and as her brother you've gotta know a lot of her stories."

"True," he mused.

"And if anything it's going to bring us closer," Chandler pointed out. "If things go well I'll be invited to family events and where friends lose touch after they get married and move away, well, we wouldn't because _if_ and I seriously mean _if_ and never repeat this to her, but _if_ I became your brother-in-law we'd never lose touch. We'd be together at the holidays and be actual uncles to kids and again, don't you dare say anything about kids to Monica, ok? I mean geez, we've only been together 5 months and-"

"Chandler," Ross leaned over and slapped his arm, "I get it, don't worry, I'm not gonna tell Monica anything. Take it at any pace you guys want, don't let anyone pressure you. Trust me, it was hard when I was dating Rachel and everyone was so interested in every little detail. It's hard but you'll get through it, I'm sure."

He nodded, "Thanks….so, we ok?"

"Yeah," Ross agreed, "thanks, I just…you know. So how did it happen?"

"You really wanna know?" he frowned.

"Not _all_ the details," he rolled his eyes, "just the general. I didn't even know you liked her, beyond friendship."

"Neither did I," he admitted, a small smile, "I hadn't been obsessively in love with her or anything, you know like you and Rachel."

"Thanks." He didn't miss a beat.

"It, uh it was actually at your wedding," he winced as Ross blinked, processing the information, "well the night before." He wet his lips deciding to just continue talking and get it all out. "She was upset about various things and I wasn't in the happiest place either. She was a little drunk," he saw Ross' look, "I didn't take advantage of her ok, things just happened and then we realized we couldn't just leave it as a one night stand. Feelings got involved and it developed into more and we're both just…there ya know?"

Ross smiled reassuringly and nodded, "Yeah I get it. I just can't believe you guys have been sneaking around since London. It's crazy."

"I know but we kinda felt we needed to. We had to find our feet and well, you know how intense this group can get. There was so much stuff going on and we just wanted to find our feet without an audience."

"I can relate," he promised, "but are you going tell people now. I mean if both me and Joey know? And, well I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume I was the one you were least looking forward to telling?"

He chuckled ruefully, "You've got that right, I had visions of you murdering me in various different painful ways. I should have given you more credit."

"You have Carol to thank for that."

"I'll remember that," Chandler nodded, "and as for telling people? I'd guess so but I'll let Monica decide. To be honest, whilst you were the one I was least looking forward to telling, it's Phoebe and Rachel's reactions I'm dreading the most."

"Why?" Ross asked confused.

"They're her best friends, she's gonna care about their opinions and I just...I don't think their opinions are gonna be that high of me. We all know she can do better but they'll be the ones to actually tell her that and plus, they'll be pissed that she didn't confide in them first and I'll probably be blamed for that and-"

"Hey," Ross cut him off, not having expected this level of insecurity from the man. "They're _your_ best friends too. They are going to be thrilled to find out you're together." Chandler still didn't look convinced. "Even Carol pointed out to me how lucky Monica was to have you."

"Really?" he looked very surprised.

"Uh huh, she reminded me what a great guy you are and how good you're going to treat her. That's all I could ever ask for my sister."

He swallowed, looking down, "Thanks man."

"Rachel and Phoebe will understand why you kept it from them and won't hold it against either of you. Be prepared though, once they know about you they will want to know everything, all the little gritty details."

Chandler shuddered, wishing once again that their relationship could remain a secret forever.

"It will be worth it though," Ross promised, standing up and stretching. "Right, I'm gonna try and get a couple of hours sleep before breakfast. I'm glad we talked though, thanks."

"Backatcha," Chandler murmured standing up and making his way towards his bedroom. Had that actually happened or was he still fast asleep in Monica's bed?

* * *

Ross awoke, glancing at his watch, it was still early but he suspected Monica would be up already and he figured it would good to talk to her before the others arrived. He briefly glanced at Chandler's room, wondering if the man had sneaked back over to inform her about Ross' newly acquired knowledge but somehow he doubted that.

Throwing off the blanket, he padded over to his sister's apartment, grinning as he saw her preparing breakfast alone.

"Hi," he greeted.

"Hey, you're up early," she commented with a smile. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I uh actually wanted a word with you," Ross motioned to the kitchen table and with a shrug she nodded, joining him.

"What's up?"

He glanced at her, before clearing his throat, "I, uh, I know about you and Chandler."

He waited, watching as her eyes widened before she blinked, before shaking her head, "I don't know what you mean," she chuckled nervously, "now is that all because I really need to get on with breakfast."

"Monica," he winced apologetically, "You don't have to try and deny it, I know ok. Carol saw you and mentioned it, plus I've already talked to Chandler about it."

"You have?" she sounded skeptical. "When?"

"When he sneaked back from here a couple of hours ago."

"Oh," she blushed slightly. "So you know? You actually know and you're calm about it? Oh my god, you haven't killed him have you?"

"Of course not," he grinned slightly, "I'm actually pleased for you guys, glad you both found someone that makes you happy. It will be a little weird seeing you as a couple but I'm sure I'll get used to it, I hope anyhow."

"You'll need to," she smiled fondly, "because I don't see us ending anytime soon, he's...it's...it's going really well, Ross and I sorry we didn't tell you but-"

"I've already been over this with Chandler," he dismissed her, "it's ok, I've had a lot on my mind lately anyhow, my brain probably would have exploded or something if I'd found out in London."

"You know we got together at your wedding and you're still not mad?"

"You're adults, Mon and at least something positive came out of such a horrible situation."

She smiled a little, her hand reaching out in comfort to her brother.

"How are you dealing with the aftermath of the horrible situation?" she asked and he shrugged a little.

"I'm getting there, I think. I just need to find somewhere to live and start rebuilding. I'm just lucky I've got you guys."

"Ditto," she agreed, "We're a good group."

He nodded as the door opened, a nervous looking Chandler entering.

"Hey," he greeted, his eyes darting between the pair.

"Hi," Monica smiled at him, standing from the table and approaching him.

His questioning look disappeared as her arms slid around his neck to place a chaste good morning kiss to his lips. It was strange to witness this this new interaction between them but even still, Ross could see the ease in which they embraced and the love in their eyes as they parted. He agreed with Monica, he didn't see this ending anytime soon either.

"I, uh take it Ross has told you he knows about us?" Chandler chuckled, a goofy grin still wide on his face as Monica took his hand and tugged him to the table.

Carol had been right, they were kinda cute together.

"I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner," he shook his head, "You're both so, so smiley and making eyes at each other and...how the heck did I miss it?"

"You were meant to miss it," Monica pointed out, her hand still in Chandler's, "We were hiding it, remember."

"Trying to hide it," Chandler pointed out, "2 out of 4 know; that's not really a great success rate."

"So, any ideas how you are going to tell the girls?"

The couple looked at each other, Chandler shrugging a shoulder, "Up to you, honey."

Ross blinked at the endearment and just how casually Chandler had dropped it in there. Chandler.

"Well, as the guys all know, maybe I'll have a girly night tonight? Have Phoebe stay over, drink a little too much, gossip way too much and then, bang, I'll tell them," she released his hand in order to gesture the impact.

"Tell them what?" Rachel asked as she emerged from her bedroom, frowning at the fact Ross and Chandler were already over at this time in the morning. "What's going on?"

Ross glanced at the pair, knowing it wasn't his place but also curious to see what they'd do. Lie to cover it up or use the opportunity that had presented itself? Chandler appeared to be giving Monica the same look, letting her know the ball was in her court.

"Guys?" She was becoming more alert, more aware and as the silence stretched she'd know something was definitely going on.

"Ok," Monica nodded and Ross raised his eyebrows. "Rach, there's something we've been wanting to tell you for a little while now, but uh, me and Chandler, we're, uh seeing each other, romantically."

They waited with baited breath.

"Oh, that," she waved her hand casually, "I thought something new had happened."

"You already knew?" Ross asked surprised, standing up. "Since when?"

"Since I overhead your phonecall with the bigot," Rachel told Monica with knowing eyes.

What the heck? Ross looked over to his sister in confusion as she screwed her face up.

"I'm sorry I tried to fob you off, I just wasn't ready but now Ross knows, well, there's no point trying to keep it a secret anymore."

"It's ok," Rachel promised, pulling her into a hug, "I was mad at first but then I realized your reasons and it's ok. I'm so happy for you guys, really."

"Thank you," Monica nodded and Chandler grinned proudly before Monica suddenly cringed. "Crap, that means Phoebe's the last to know, she's gonna be pissed at us."

That was true.

"Technically," Chandler held up a finger, "we didn't actually tell anyone. Everyone else figured it out which yes, admittedly backs up the fact we're incredibly bad at this stealth thing, but more importantly means it's her own fault for not noticing."

"You're a genius," Monica praised, walking over to reward him with a peck on the lips.

Chandler beamed back happily and as if it was infectious she found herself instantly smiling too. His arm slipped around her waist, pulling her to his side and again she just glowed. Ross really couldn't believe he hadn't figured them out long ago as he watched the couple stare at each other, lost in their own world.

"Aw, well as cute as you two are I need to shower," Rachel announced as she headed to the bathroom.

Ross let his eyes linger on the closed door for a moment, not letting his mind wander back to thoughts of what could have been if things had turned out differently.

"So, what do we do about Phoebe?" Chandler asked them both.

Monica looked troubled again and he felt bad for them. It was so nice to finally see the two of them as happy as they deserved to be. They shouldn't be worrying about Phoebe's reaction. If only he could help them...

"You want her to think she's figured it out for herself?" he asked to which they nodded dubiously. "Then I've got an idea," he told them, ignoring the doubtful looks that passed between the couple.

* * *

A little while later Ross sat in the boys apartment, glancing at his watch...any minute now...he bit back a grin as he finally heard Phoebe's shoes in the hallway. He waited, mentally counting down 3...2...1

"Oh my god! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!"

He chuckled. His work here was done.

* * *

A/N- This is an old one I wrote last year but just needed to finish. I thought as it was fairly quiet on here I'd post it up. It probably needed another read through but hopefully someone enjoyed it. As always, thanks for your reviews and I would love to hear your thoughts :o)


	17. TOW The New Year's Resolution

TOW The New Year's Resolution

A/N- Takes place instead of the New Year episode in season 5.

* * *

"Hey," he caused her to jump, his arms snaking around her waist from behind.

"Hey, there you are," she smiled, turning in his embrace. Her hands came up to rest on his chest as she tried to look past him, ensuring their friends weren't around...but it was impossible to see much. They were in the middle of a sea of people, a crowd of excited strangers surrounding them. "I was starting to think I'd lost everyone."

"Nah not me, you aren't getting rid of me that easily," he grinned cheekily, his blues eyes dancing in the New York street lights. "Although, I did manage to ditch both Ross and Joey. Where are the girls?"

"No idea," Monica admitted, "We got separated by this giant conga line that was weaving between us. You know, I'm pretty sure Phoebe somehow joined on the end of it."

He chuckled deeply and she felt the rumble under her palm. "Well, you realize what that means Ms Geller?" his lips curved into a delicious smile as he wiggled his eyebrows. She shook her head, although she suspected she'd like whatever he was gonna suggest. "We are all alone, meaning we can kiss at midnight."

"I'd hardly say we're alone," she pointed out, although she slid her hands up along his chest, bringing her arms around his neck. "I can't believe how busy it is."

"Seriously?" he asked amused. "You've watched Dick Clark for how many years? You didn't think Times Square would be busy on New Year's Eve?"

It was her turn to chuckle happily, "I knew it would be _busy_...but this is just crazy!"

"That it is," he grinned, holding her a little closer to him as some people barged passed them, trying to squeeze through the mass of bodies.

She'd never seen so many people in her entire life. There were thousands of them crammed into the streets in every direction she looked. All were celebrating and making so much noise, creating a wall of sound. There was a buzz of electricity filling the air as excitement grew.

It was amazing. She was so thrilled to be here, to be part of it.

"I can't believe we're actually here!" she acclaimed beaming.

"Yep, along with the rest of New York it seems," he teased, "So, where are we on the whole kissing at midnight thing?"

"Well it is tradition," she grinned back, loving the smile that overtook his face, loving how his eyes creased in the corners as they shone back at her filled with love.

"That's true," he agreed readily, as the music suddenly got louder, the crowd cheering in anticipation. "Almost time," he gestured to the large countdown that they could just make out in the distance.

"We're actually going to see the ball drop in person," she said, awe entering her voice as she turned in his arms, watching as the historic ball, filled with millions of sizzling lights slowly started its descent.

"That sounds a little dirty," he chuckled in her ear as his arms tightened around her middle and she placed her hands over his, content.

Chandler rested his chin on her shoulder and she smiled happily, feeling so alive. The buzz in the air was electrifying as people started counting down around them. Balloons and streamers were being waved frantically in the air as everyone watched transfixed as the ball continued to slowly drop.

The countdown began in earnest when it hit 30 seconds and Monica eagerly joined in, not caring that Chandler was clearly amused by her enthusiasm.

"3-2-1 Happy New Year!" she screamed along with the crowd.

She turned in his embrace meeting his shining eyes. Without hesitation she immediately leaned forward capturing his lips. She savored the moment of seeing in their first new year together as a couple.

The kiss deepened, both managing to forget where they were as their bodies pressed closer together and hands started to roam over backs and into hair.

Eventually they pulled back, confetti fluttering through the air as light displays started to wash over them.

"Happy New Year, Mon," he spoke softly, almost drowned out by the cheers ringing through the streets around them.

"Happy New Year, Chandler," she whispered back.

They came together in another passionate kiss as fireworks started exploding somewhere in the sky above.

"Think if we left now we'll beat the others home?" Chandler asked, his grip on her tightening, his meaning obvious.

"Sounds like a plan," she grinned, loving the excitement that lit up his face.

As Auld Lang Syne started ringing out they untangled and Chandler gripped her hand, starting to fight his way through the celebrating crowds. They got hugged by strangers, knocked by balloons, covered in silly string and more than one piece of confetti got stuck to them but eventually they made it out, somehow still holding hands.

Once through the worse of it he suddenly paused, pulling her to him for a hard, eager kiss. She returned it, her hand coming up to his hair, teasing the soft strands as his lips teased hers. Feeling alive and so incredibly happy they made the journey home, constantly stopping for little kisses and teasing touches.

When they got back to apartment 20 they were thrilled to see they had indeed made it back first and wasting no time they tumbled into Monica's bedroom, their pent up desire too much to ignore.

* * *

"Happy 1999!" Ross greeted as he came into the girls' apartment later the next morning.

"Happy New Year," Monica greeted her brother, "What's that?" she gestured to the tape in his hand.

"Get this, I thought it would be fun to tape the show last night and watch it back."

"To welcome in the New Year again?" Chandler frowned.

"No! We always watch this and obviously last night we didn't get to see the dancing or the shots from Disneyland or Vegas!"

"That's a great idea," Monica grinned, causing Chandler to shake his head.

The others all gathered around as Ross popped it into the VCR.

"Isn't it cool to think we're in that crowd somewhere?" Phoebe asked excitedly when the camera showed an aerial shot.

"Maybe they'll show that conga line?" Rachel pointed out. "There were lots of cameras around."

Joey grabbed some chips and they lounged around watching the television, reliving last night. Monica caught Chandler's eyes more than a few times, remembering last night vividly and they shared some secret smiles.

When Monica got up to refill the snack bowls, Chandler followed. Ensuring that no one was looking in their direction, he leaned over to her.

"I preferred our own private New Year celebration," he whispered into her ear. "It's a pity we didn't get that on tape."

She shivered, her eyes meeting his, "I'm hoping we can continue the celebrations tonight? Camera optional."

He swallowed and her breath caught in her throat as she watched him move closer. He was gonna kiss her. She knew it was dangerous, beyond risky with the others right there but she didn't care. With memories of last night at the forefront of her mind, combined with the way he was looking at her right now, it was impossible to resist. He was impossible to resist.

Drawn to him their lips crashed together, the danger only making it more exciting as desire ran through her. She couldn't believe they were doing this. Couldn't believe the others were in the same room. Couldn't believe...

"Oh my god, Monica and Chandler are kissing!"

They pulled back, terrified panic on their faces, a half formed excuse on their lips...only to find their friends weren't looking at them, their eyes were still fixed on the television screen.

"Wh-?" she began then froze, her hand gripping his in horror as realization dawned.

There, paused on the screen was a close up of them mid lip-lock.

Crap.

"Huh, uh funny story," Chandler started as all eyes turned to them. "See uh, we, well...Monica?"

He pushed her forward slightly and she shot him a look.

"Well," Monica began, starting to fidget a little uncomfortable as her brain tried to think up something, anything but failed. It was pointless, they were well and truly busted. The kiss caught on the screen was anything but a friendly New Year kiss and part of her was ready, ready for all the hiding and secrets to remain with 1998 and to allow 1999 to be the year of them. The year of getting to be a couple out in the open, the year to enjoy doing things normal couples could without constantly looking over their shoulders. The year to enjoy this new chapter of their relationship.

"Well," she started again, quickly throwing a look behind her at Chandler, meeting his eyes and he nodded somewhat reluctantly. Knowing what was coming, he stepped forward, coming to stand beside her, his arm going over her shoulders to show his support. "My New Year's resolution is tell the truth more often, so I guess this is a good way to start..."

* * *

The End

Cliched and written in a few hours but I hoped you enjoyed it. Happy 2017!


	18. TOW the Stupid Nurse Man

TOW the Stupid Nurse Man

A/N - Hey guys, anyone remember this series? Hopefully someone does! This is set during the one hundredth episode and is an AU based on what if that conversation we all know and love where Chandler defines 'goofing around' never happened...

* * *

Phoebe placed a hand on her flattening belly, letting out a quiet sigh into the quiet hospital room. She was pleased that all the triplets had been born healthy with thirty fingers and thirty toes, and she was thrilled with the looks of pure excitement and joy that had shone brightly from her brother's and Alice's faces.

She really was.

When everyone had been here, there had been such a buzz in the air; it was so exhilarating and exciting and perfect...but now the buzz, the happiness had slowly faded away.

Now, alone in the room, alone with no babies wiggling and fighting in her belly she felt a strange sense of emptiness, hollow even.

She hadn't felt this alone for such a long time and it unnerved her.

She was the strong one, the feisty one, the independent one.

She didn't like feeling like this, didn't like the unfamiliar emotions swimming around inside her confused brain.

Sighing again, Phoebe decided that maybe sleep would help free her from the unsettling feelings trying to consume her. It would be better tomorrow, tomorrow was a new day. Tonight it was just too raw. That was all. She just had to get through tonight.

About to close her eyes she noticed a lone figure standing hesitantly in the doorway. She blinked in surprise wondering what he was doing here of all people.

"Chandler?" she questioned.

His eyes shifted to meet hers, locking and she was surprised by the sadness reflected in them which mirrored her own. He quickly blinked though, obviously trying to hide his pain as he offered her a quick smile.

"Hey Phoebs," he greeted softly, clearing his throat as he shifted his weight uncomfortably, remaining in the hallway.

"You can come in if you like?"

She almost grinned slightly amused at his dorkiness but was too weighed down by the sadness still lingering in the room and her poignant thoughts of moments ago.

"Uh thanks, yeah," he swallowed, slowing entering room and awkwardly taking a seat beside the bed.

He kept his head down, his elbows on his knees with his fingers threaded loosely together and she wondered what was going on.

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously when he didn't begin talking.

"Oh, I, uh thought I'd come see how you're holding up. I figured it couldn't be 'fun' recovering from child birth without any actual babies coming home with you, so…"

She was surprised by his insight for a moment but then reminded herself he was starting to grow up. She'd noticed it more throughout the last year, especially since Kathy. Plus they'd had their little moments in the past, although they hadn't really had any of those for a while. What with the babies and apartment switching and Ross' wedding…lots had been happening in the group which had gotten in the way.

Even though, she was still surprised to see him here by himself.

"Where's everyone else?" she inquired.

A shadowed passed over his face which she noted but didn't comment on.

"Uh, Joey's on a date, Ross is having an 'Emily evening' and Rachel and uh, Mon-," curiously his voice cracked on Monica's name before he swallowed hard, seeming to compose himself, "uh, they moved that double date forward to tonight. So, it was either stay at home alone, go to Atlantic City by myself or come and see you, and the latter sounded more appealing so...yeah...how you holding up?"

"I'm getting there," she offered, not wanting to commit for definite; there were so many hormones and emotions crashing through her it was crazy, but it would settle down eventually, at least that's what all the books said.

He nodded but remained silent. His posture was still sad, melancholy even and she couldn't figure out why. Monica she would kind of expect given how much her friend wanted her own baby and kept commenting on her biological clock...but even she hadn't gone down the sad route this time, like she had done with Ben's birth. Instead she'd just seemed preoccupied, annoyed about something with her jaw tight, clenched which had only loosened slightly when the triplets had been born.

Phoebe wouldn't have expected it from Chandler though. She couldn't imagine the man getting broody and he'd never talked to her about babies so he must be down about something else...but what? She had been pretty preoccupied with the pregnancy but she couldn't recall him mentioning anything going on in his life that would have him this way.

Maybe he was just lonely too?

They stayed in silence for a while before Phoebe slightly turned, studying his glum profile.

"What's going on with you?" she finally questioned, watching as he jumped a little as if taken aback.

She couldn't decide if it was her question or the sound of her voice in the quiet room that had startled him. Either way, his face changed from surprise to obvious fake puzzlement as he blinked before frowning.

"N-nothing," he dismissed but it didn't sound convincing. Not at all. "I'm here to try and cheer you up, remember?" a crooked smile touched his lips but was only there for mere seconds, supporting her theory as it disappeared. Something was definitely going on with him. "Nothing's going on with me."

"Something's bothering you," Phoebe insisted, scrutinizing him as he squirmed a little before shaking his head.

"Nothing's bothering me."

It was clear he was lying, the sadness was still etched on his face, an obvious weight on his usually carefree shoulders.

"Chandler, talk to me," she requested gently, "Come on, please. If not for you then give me something to take my mind off the fact my uterus is no longer full of babies."

His face softened slightly as he chuckled but he still frustratingly shook his head, "I'm fine, honestly."

She sighed quietly, chewing her lips as she tried to work out how best to get him to open up to her. She meant what she'd said, she wanted to help her friend but also would gladly use his problems to distract her from her new found loneliness. He was a hard nut to crack and she wasn't used to having to be the one to crack him. Usually by the time they talked, the issue was already out there, everyone knew what the problem was.

No, when he was like this it was usually Monica that got him spill, to confide in her but she wasn't here, so wasn't an option. She looked over to him, he was still slightly guarded but it obvious something was going on inside his mind. They either both sat here in silence with their torturous thoughts or she had to try getting him to talk to her.

"Look, I may not be Monica-" she faltered as she watched his face change again at the sound of her name. That was the second time he'd reacted. "Have you had a fight with Monica or something?"

She remembered now that they'd seemed slightly offish during the birth. The two of them rarely argued, they were almost like an old married couple.

Chandler looked even more taken aback, flustering in fake confusion as he spluttered, "W-what?! No, no we…no."

"Ok," she didn't buy it for a second. Not at all especially as his face fell a little darker. "Then what's bugging you? Come on Chandler, talk to me. Don't make me force it out of you, because I will."

He offered her another slight grin in acknowledgement before dropping his head.

She waited him out.

Eventually he sighed heavily, lifting his head but not making eye contact, "Fine but you have to promise you won't say anything to the others?"

She almost asked, 'even Monica?' The words were on the tip of her tongue but she stopped herself in time, not wanting him to clam up again. She was intrigued though as to what he'd keep so secret that not even Monica was privy to it. The two of them had all kind of secrets that they hadn't revealed to the others; Monica had even admitted to it one girly night, but hadn't gone as far to tell them what the secrets were and never had.

"Ok, sure," she nodded her agreement of consent, "Shoot."

She watched as he chewed his lip, watching the internal battle he was having with himself as to how much to reveal. Phoebe wasn't known to be the most patient of people but tonight she wasn't as sharp as she might usually be with him. Her angry pregnancy hormones were confused and had gone the opposite way, but she hoped they'd settle soon and she'd be back to her kick-ass self but tonight she's take it at his pace.

"It's nothing major," he finally grimaced, "just...just some girl trouble."

Phoebe's eyes widened in shock, her mouth falling open. Girl troubles? Chandler? She hadn't expected that, out of everything that could be bothering him, she really hadn't expected it to be a romantic problem.

"Wow. Really?"

He shot her a look of annoyance but no sarcastic comment left his lips.

"Yeh," he shrugged, scuffing the toe of his shoe lightly against the shiny floor, otherwise remaining silent and frustratingly not giving her any further answers.

A silence settled over them in the quiet room as she tried to process the revelation.

"How do I not know about this?" she finally asked. "Who is she? How long have you been dating her?"

He pulled another face, shaking his head before running a hand through his hair, making it stick up slightly.

"I've kept it low key," he admitted like it wasn't a big deal. Like it was natural for him to keep quiet about relationships. It wasn't. Not for Chandler. He always shared his romance troubles with the whole group, interplay by detailed interplay. Whether it was the comedy of Janice or the heartbreak of Kathy the whole gang knew about it. It was only the really serious emotions he kept guarded and to himself, just like she did. That's one of things the two of them connected over - clamming up when things got too tough.

"We've only been fooling around and stuff," he continued, "not really dating as such but more than...goofing around, ya know? We hadn't really talked much about where it was going but," he swallowed, his voice cracking a little, "but I really like her, have for a while actually…"

As he trailed off Phoebe frowned, surprised by this news, still not sure how this was the first she was hearing about it. He'd had a crush on someone for a while? To be honest she'd thought he'd had a thing for Monica recently, especially with the little looks and touches he kept throwing at her when he thought no one was watching. Just who was this mysterious woman?

"Are you in love with her?"

"Love?" he tried to look unimpressed, scoffing slightly. "It's a little too early for that. I mean, don't get me wrong," he hurried on to defend the secret woman, "She is pretty impressive, I mean she's...well, she's perfect really, stunning actually, the most beautiful person I know and so caring and passionate and when we're together I feel so...content and when we aren't together I miss her...a bit...but it's not love...not yet, I mean it's only been a few weeks. It can't be love."

She stared at him, his words slowly sinking in, reminding her of how hard and fast he had fallen for Kathy. Whoever this woman was he obviously cared a great deal for her already.

"Right, of course," she agreed but even to her own ears she didn't sound convinced.

"Right," he echoed, sounding just as unconvinced, as if he was confused at his own ramblings...lost even.

"So, who is it?" she prompted, curious about the woman that had stolen his heart.

"Uh, just someone at work," he shrugged, fidgeting.

Phoebe's eyes narrowed, he was obviously lying but she couldn't work out why.

"Who at work exactly?"

"Um, uh," he swallowed, his mind clearly desperately trying to come up with a name, any name but drawing a blank. "I don't wanna say."

Her eyes narrowed further, confused by his behaviour. He was opening up this much to her yet keeping little things like the woman's name a secret? Maybe it was someone she knew she mused, why else would be so tight-lipped

"Ok, so what actually happened? Why are you moping around here instead of being with her?"

He diverted his guilty gaze to the floor and remained silent.

"What did you do?" she guessed, knowing she was right as he pulled a face.

"I screwed up like always," he eventually admitted with a resigned sigh. "This is why I should just stay away from relationships, I suck at them."

He shook his head as if fed up with himself and she resisted asking how 'fooling around' had suddenly got to 'relationship'. Instead she tried to reassure him,

"That's not true, I've seen you be a good boyfriend on more than one occasion. What did you do? Maybe it's fixable?"

"I doubt it," he muttered, his expression grim, "She's out on a date with someone else right now."

"There's lots of people on dates tonight," she pointed out lightly, surprised as his eyes widened in panic for a moment, just what was going on with him?

"Y-yeah, everyone but us I think," he finally agreed.

"I have a good excuse," she tried to tease him, letting his strange reaction go, "I gave birth today to a flock. _You_ on the otherhand..."

"What, being a heart broken idiot doesn't count as an excuse?"

She smiled gently, now it had gone to heart broken?

"So, what did you do?" she pried again, wanting to understand.

"Well, like I said we weren't serious as such but we were fooling around and things were going really really good, or at least I thought they were. I heard from a...another colleague that someone else had asked her out and she was going on a date with them."

"Ouch," she frowned shocked, "even though you were with her? That's not right. He shouldn't have asked her."

"No one knew, it was kept out of work," he shrugged, a little uneasy.

Out of work? But he spent all his free time with them. When was he actually seeing this woman?

"Anyway, I got a bit defensive, assumed if she was going out with someone else that obviously she wasn't as into me as I was into her, so I did a kind of pre-emptive strike sorta thing when I saw her."

"Uh oh, what did you do?" she asked expectantly, knowing an insecure Chandler could do any number of stupid things.

"I told her it was fine for her to go out with him, that it didn't bother me and that we were nothing," he winced as he awaited her reaction.

"Oh, Chandler," she sighed, "you are an idiot."

"I know," he agreed with a heavy sigh. "And you know what's worse?" she shook her head. "She said that she hadn't even wanted to go out with him, she was gonna cancel but as we were just 'goofing around' she might as well go 'goof' with him. So she is, she's on a date with him right now and I have no one to blame but me. God, I'm so stupid!"

Phoebe was used to his self loathing but tonight it saddened her. It was probably just the mood of the room, or her hormones or the depth of the feelings he had confessed to earlier, but her heart went out to him.

"You probably just hurt her feelings, that's the only reason she's gone," she declared softly, hoping it was true, "I bet she's having a rubbish time and is spending it thinking about you."

"I hope so," he admitted, "but the man is pretty hunky, way more than me. Stupid nurse man," he muttered the last bit quietly but not quiet enough.

Nurse man? Suddenly the pieces fell together. Just like that. Everything to the secret name to why Monica had been distracted and annoyed at the birth. Even those weird instances after London when they'd been caught kissing now made sense. She hadn't imagined those extra looks and secret touches, her psychic abilities hadn't been off when she'd been sure that Monica had slept with someone in London.

It was Monica.

Chandler and Monica.

"Oh Chandler," she sighed, reaching out a hand to touch his arm, feeling even worse for him now she knew who he stood to lose. "I'm sorry."

"It's my own stupid fault; I'm the one that blew it and I can't really blame her," he sighed looking so sad now. "I've just gotta work out how to get over her and move on somehow."

"Don't do that," she shook her head sharply as he raised his head, a deep frown on his features.

"Do what?" he questioned confused.

"Do this," she gestured towards him frustrated. "Give up without fighting. It's just one stupid date that she didn't even want to go on. You pissed her off and she's angry but you know what's probably pissed her off more? The fact you didn't ask her not to go on the date. You didn't fight for her, Chandler, didn't tell her what she meant to you."

"I-"

"I know your natural instinct is to retreat," she continued before he could interrupt, "to tell yourself that you're no good with girls and that you've already ruined it but you have to go after her, put yourself out there, be vulnerable and risk looking stupid but you have to."

"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes," she nodded adamantly, passionate to get him realizing what Monica needed. "Look, she's your best friend, she knows you make mistakes, that you're only human."

"Best friend?" he questioned surprised, swallowing hard as a slight sheen of sweat covered his forehead, "I-I'm not fooling around with Joey."

She stared at him, waiting him out, her eyes not letting him drop contact as he squirmed in his seat.

Eventually he sighed dramatically, his head rolling forwards .

"You know?" he asked resigned.

She nodded.

"It's pretty obvious when you think about it. She really cares for you, Chandler, I'm sure of it. You guys could be onto something and you just want to throw it all away because of some date with a stupid nurse man? A date set up by Rachel I might add."

He shook his head frustrated.

"No, but what if it's too late already?" he pointed out his voice quiet, seeming defeated, "She may have only gone on it originally because she was mad at me but she's still on it. What if she's enjoying herself and the nurse's charms are winning her over?" He pulled a face. "What if she decides he's more stable, more committed and better boyfriend material than I am?"

"That's why you have to fight," she pointed out firmly. "Do you know the restaurant they went to? Go gate crash it! Go find her for God's sake! Go to her table, pull her to her feet and announce in front of everyone that you made a mistake and then give her that _amazing_ kiss that you see in the movies."

He was studying her critically and she let him, trying to show her determination and belief in him over his obvious scepticism.

"I don't know if I can do that," he eventually decided, shaking his head in dismissal. "I'm not like that."

How could she get him to get more confidence in himself? Get him to fight his corner?

"Chandler, I told you not to do that. Isn't she worth fighting for?"

"She's worth everything," he admitted honestly, his eyes reflecting his hopelessness.

Phoebe looked at him sympathetically, trying to work out how to get the message across to him without losing her patience.

"You wanna be in a relationship with her, right?"

"More than anything."

"So go find her, _tell_ her," she insisted.

"Tell her what?" he questioned, the passion she'd been hoping for finally starting to come through into his voice, "that I'm already falling for her after just a few weeks? Tell her that I'm crazy about her? That I can't stop thinking about her and that I physically start to ache when she's not with me? Tell her that the thought of her with another man is absolutely killing me and that I want us to stay on London time for as long as possible?"

Phoebe smiled, not getting the London time reference but glad she was getting him riled up. Glad she was giving him the pep talk he needed to go and prepare for battle. Not that she expected Monica would need much convincing. She was sure that she was only out on the date to prove a point and that she'd rather be with their kinda goofy but totally into her friend.

She was about to agree with him enthusiastically, get him pumped up and then send him on his way to every restaurant in Manhattan if needed until he'd found her.

But she didn't have to.

"You do?" Came the shocked voice.

Both Phoebe and Chandler turned to see the new figure in the doorway.

"M-Monica?" Chandler croaked, standing up but going no further, as if his legs had forgotten how to move. His lips managed to move however, trying to form more words but no sounds came as he just stared at her.

Phoebe remained quiet an excited smile coming to her lips as her eyes darted between her two friends.

"W-what are you doing here?" Chandler finally managed to ask, his nervousness evident in his voice as he straightened up slightly.

"I told Dan that it wasn't happening," she told him.

"It's not happening?" Chandler checked, swallowing hard as Phoebe's heart started to swell with anticipation. She loved a good romance.

"Not with Dan," she shook her head, taking a few steps towards him.

The look on her face made Phoebe smile widely pleased that she had been right and Monica clearly returned Chandler's confessed feelings. How had she not seen this before?

"Good, that's uh good," his voice had gone a little husky as his feet suddenly began to work as he move towards her, until he was standing right in front of her their eyes desperately seeking each others as Phoebe's chest filled with hope. "I'm an idiot, Mon."

His confession was met with a shake of the brunette's head.

"I'm an idiot too, I shouldn't have ever gone out with him," it was obvious her eyes were filled with tears as she swallowed, her arms going around his neck so naturally.

"I shouldn't have let you go out with him," he admitted, his arms circling her waist. They fitted together well. "I'm sorry."

Phoebe had thought Monica's smile was wide and bright, but Chandler's answering one was blinding. They stared at each other so intently that even Phoebe could feel it across the room.

"So," Monica asked, almost playfully as she pulled him even closer. "We're more than just goofing around?"

His chuckled was rich, warm and such a contrast to the mood of earlier.

"You betcha," he whispered.

It was then that Phoebe got to witness that amazing kiss you only ever got to see in the movies, the one which made your toes curl and your heart melt. Tears of joy sprung to her eyes as she took in the intensity and passion between her friends. She couldn't believe this great romance had been right under her nose and she'd never even thought of them like that before.

"You guys!" she finally burst out, her own smile wide as they turned sheepishly to her, "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," Monica smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Phoebe noted that one of her arms slid around Chandler's waist, keeping him close to her and Phoebe resisted nodding. It all just felt surprisingly right.

"Could you do us a favour and not tell the others just yet?" Chandler asked with a wince as he shared a worried look with Monica. "I mean, we just need to..."

"I'll keep schtum," Phoebe promised happily, her hand mimicking a zip across her mouth and throwing the imaginary key over her shoulder.

"Thanks Phoebs," Chandler told her sincerely, his smile bright as his arm tugged Monica close to side. "And thanks for tonight, I really needed it."

'Me too', she thought but didn't dare say it. Instead she'd told them it was no trouble, telling them again how happy she was for them and then kicked them out to go 'make up' properly. They'd blushed a little, protesting and saying they'd stay with her longer but she'd been insistent. Eventually they'd caved, coming to hug her and thanking her again before wrapped in each other's arms they had left the room together.

Phoebe laid her head back against the pillow, a satisfied smile coming to her lips as she closed her tired eyes.

They may not have realised it but Monica and Chandler had really helped her tonight. Instead of the emptiness overwhelming her she felt content, a warm glowing feeling now inside of her. She replayed the events of the day from the fairly new couple to the brand new babies she had brought into the world. Today was all about tomorrow, all about the future and she knew as she felt unconscious creeping in that she was genuinely looking forward to it.

All she could think was, bring it on. She was back.

* * *

A/N- I know people have mixed feelings about Phoebe and Chandler's friendship, especially in the later series but hey ho, I couldn't get this idea out of my head and wanted them to have a little moment.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to hear your thoughts :o)


	19. TOW Trick or Treat Duty

TOW Trick or Treat Duty

"Come on," Ross grinned, manuaeroving his mini Snoopy down the sidewalk. "We'll make this one the last house, ok so we can get you home in time for mommy?"

"Ok, Daddy!" Came the enthusiastic response.

Ross was overjoyed to get to go trick or treating with Ben this year. After everything that had happened with Emily, the divorce and the apartment, seeing his son with his beaming painted white face and floppy black ears proudly carrying his bucket full of candy just made everything that little bit better; it reminded him that parts of his life were damn good.

With a renewed spring in his step, despite the cold breeze, they made it up the path of the impressive looking house. It had been full-out decorated with skulls, zombies and pumpkins in the front garden and open porch. It looked like a promising house to finish on.

Reaching the front door which had a bloodied handprint for good measure, Ross picked him up so he could reach the doorbell. Once back on the ground Ben was practically bouncing with excitement.

Except there was no answer.

Nothing.

Huh.

Ben's disappointed face looked at up him with a frown. So, Ross picked him up again and again Ben's little finger pressed hard on the buzzer.

Again nothing.

"Maybe they, uh went out?" Ross tried, despite the fact the lights were clearly on. "Come on, let's go."

"But you said this was the last house," his bottom lip pouted, trembling slightly.

"Tell you what, we can go down the block and you can pick one more house," Ross compromised, turning and leading the way back down the path.

"Auntie Monica!"

Confused Ross looked around scanning the sidewalk but didn't see her, "Huh?" he questioned his son confused.

"There! Auntie Monica!"

Twisting around he followed Ben's outstretched hand and let out a strangled gasp at the sight before him.

There, inside the strange house, making out and practically being pressed up against the window was his sister. And it was his supposed best friend that was doing the pressing.

After the intial shock came the instant rage, which he had to push down due to Ben being there but it wasn't easy. Especially as Chandler's mouth was still sucking away at her face and his hands were moving towards her...

"Auntie Monica!"

Ross blinked, realizing that Ben was no longer by his side. Instead the youngster had run up to the front of the house, stepping on one of the miniature coffins in order to reach the large window and started to bang on it.

"Auntie Monica!" he called again waving excitedly. "Auntie Monica!"

Ross watched in slow motion as Monica and Chandler pulled apart, horrified looks on their faces as they took in the bizarre reality that Monica's nephew, dressed as Snoopy had busted them and was currently waving happily through the glass. Blinking they slowly, in perfect sych with each other, looked beyond the child and their identical sets of worried eyes fell on Ross.

There was a moment where time stood still before it came crashing down.

They flustered, hurriedly disappearing from the window as he ran up to the door, banging on it.

"Chandler! Open up!"

Ben giggled in delight, loving the unexpected entertainment.

"Chandler! Monica! I'm telling you, you better open up. Now!"

The letterbox suddenly opened, causing Ross to jump backwards slightly.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow," Came Monica's firm voice as the flap closed.

Ross rolled his eyes, dropping to his knees as Ben rushed over, loving the letter box game.

"Come out!" Ross called. .

"We can talk tomorrow," Monica insisted, unable to close it this time as Ben wiggled his fingers through the gap, laughing hard as a hand caught them.

"Now," Ross countered, trying to bat Ben's hand away. "You've got some explaining to do!"

"You're not coming in," Monica called, then took pity on her giggling nephew. "Ben can come in for candy but you can't."

"Yah!" Ben cheered as Ross scowled.

"What? No. No, deal!"

"Then we'll hand it through the letterbox."

Moments later a piece of candy came shooting through the rectangular hole. Ross rolled his eyes as another piece followed, then another as Ben started to clap with excitement before gathering his goods.

"You can't use my child to try and bribe me," Ross complained. "Come on, let me in."

The letterbox closed and he could hear murmurings the otherside before it suddenly opened again.

"Promise you won't hurt Chandler?"

He rolled his eyes, "I promise. The only blood will be the fake blood already here."

The letter box shut again and there was more whispering before he finally heard the lock unclick and the door open. Before Ross could say anything Chandler stepped forward and grabbed Ben, lifting the child in the air. Ben giggled in glee as Chandler placed him firmly infront of him.

"What are you doing?" Ross frowned. "Are you actually using my child as a human shield?"

"Maybe. Will it work?" Chandler asked fearfully.

"No!" Ross protested, "put him down."

With a worried look to Monica, who nodded in consent Chandler finally released the infant.

"So?" Ross finally asked when it became apparent no one else was going to start the much needed conversation.

"So...?" Chandler tried to sound innocent, even raising his eyebrows.

"So, what the heck is going on?"

"Let's go sit down," Monica suggested gesturing to the next room. "Ben, do you wanna have the really important job of handing out candy?"

"Yeah!" he agreed excitedly, sitting in his allocated spot and clutching the nearly depleted bowl. It was already late and they weren't expecting anymore trick or treaters but at least it would entertain him and keep him away from any bloodshed.

Once Ben was settled they moved to the next room, Monica keeping close to Chandler, his arm even going around her shoulders and Ross frowned, taking them in.

"We're together," she finally confirmed, "I'm sorry we hid it from you, but you've had so much going on that we didn't want to add this to your plate. I know it's come as a shock but we're really happy and we want this to work. Please try and be happy for us?"

Ross still frowned, studying them together and remaining silent.

"Look," it was Chandler's turn to talk, "I'm sorry this is how you found out, Ross, I am but I'm glad you know about us. You've gotta know I'd never do anything to hurt our," he gestured between himself and Ross, "or our," he gestured to the woman in his arms, "relationship. It just happened but its felt so right and it, well it works."

Ross stayed silent for another moment before finally relenting.

"Fine," he finally sighed. "Fine but I still don't like it and I still have lots of questions but most of which can wait until tomorrow." He stood up, realizing just how tired he was.

"Ok," Monica nodded.

"It's weird though," Ross warned with a pointed finger.

"Sorry," Chandler shrugged although he clearly wasn't. "We'll work on that."

Ross started to leave before a thought struck him, "Wait, how come you're here?" he gestured to the unfamiliar house.

"Oh," Chandler explained, "It belongs to a colleague. I'm house sitting for him as he's away and didn't want his house egged or worse over Halloween. We saw it as a perfect opportunity to...um..."

"Scar my child for life?" Ross supplied to which he shrugged guiltily.

Shaking his head Ross headed into the hallway to collect his son, not wanting to even think about what they intended to do. They all stopped when they saw the empty bowl and Ben's cheeky smile.

"I didn't even hear the door," Monica commented as Ben giggled louder, covering his mouth.

"Ben?" Ross questioned, using his dad voice.

"No one came so I had to give the candy a home," he said simply, jumping up and bouncing over to them.

"Great," Ross muttered. Not only did he have to come to terms with his friend doing his baby sister, he now had to get a hyped up child home, way later than the agreed time and try to explain himself to Carol and Susan. Just what he needed. He looked at the pair with narrowed eyes, "I'm blaming you for this too."

"Ok," Chandler simply agreed.

With a scoff, Ross helped an over excited Ben collect his bucket and candy, trying to ignore the handprint he spotted on Monica's butt cheek. Gross.

"Bye Ben! See you tomorrow Ross," Monica called as she opened the door.

"Whatever," Ross muttered, steering his son down the path and away from the scene of the crime.

As Ross refused to look behind him, trying not to think of what they were probably already doing and Ben started to run in circles around him, flapping his arms and singing something at such a squeaky fast pace he couldn't make it out, Ross came to one conclusion. Next year Carol and Susan were on trick or treat duty.

End

* * *

A/N- I should probably apologise for this silliness. It was written at work in an hour and only had a very quick read through. I should probably post tomorrow but I wanted to post it up on Halloween. (thought it would be nice if for once one of my themed stories was actually posted at the right time).And as there's only 10 minutes left of Halloween here I should really head for bed! Thanks and sorry for reading :o)


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